late winter 2009 after a concert

[starsonblack]

gee, I'm new, why not post one of the most personal forms of writing. :)

late winter 2009 after a concert

the artificial lights imitate stars
your breath billows into smoke
against my smile
we trade oxygen and music
show still buzzing through us
and into the coldest night
of the new year

around us the city inhales
and exhales billows
smoke and mutedly
buzzes

[eliselovesmusic]

Love it :-) good images and really eloquent.


I like the fact that I can associate with it so I kind of know what you're on about

The first line of the second stanza is great, but I'm not sure if the rest of the second stanza works as well. Maybe it's because you repeated the word 'billows'.

'mutedly buzzes' words well though

I also like the fact that it's short haha