A few questions?

[mynameisX]

I need some advice. Some real advice. I need to find a way to tell my boyfriend that we aren't talking enough. We're in a long distance relationship (stupid, I know, but we're making it work) and usually we talk every night at least on AIM if not on the phone. But this past month has been really hard because the communication has dropped off alot.
We talked for 5 minutes today on AIM, I didn't get to hear about his day or tell him about mine, all he said was that he was going to bed and he'd talk to me later.
So I have a few questions for you guys....
1) Do you think something is happening behind my back?
He's had people cheat on him, and so have I, so I really really believe he wouldn't do that, but I honestly can't think of another reason.
2) How do I ask him if something's going on?
Is there a way to ask that won't make him defensive?
3) If you don't think anything is happening, how do I bring this up?
I've tried saying that I want us to talk more. I was straight forward because I know hinting never works. I don't know what else to do about it.
4) Am I just being obsessive or clingy or stupid or something?

It's possible that he's just been tired lately or something, but it's almost a month of this and it's beginning to wear on me. I feel kinda dumb posting this in a forum but I've seen some good advice given here, even with all the joking and whatnot. So any help would be greatly appreciated.

[AlkalineAshes]

Well, either way you need to give him his space. Mentioning he isnt talking enough will likely irritate him. Its possible nothing is going on, but also possible it is. you are being clingy, but most young girls are. My advice back off, hes likley way to much of your life if you are noticing all these little changes. If you are cool and give him space he will see that you are a unique girl for doing that at least. People drift, theres nothing that can be done..

[Duexy]

Well, either way you need to give him his space. Mentioning he isnt talking enough will likely irritate him. Its possible nothing is going on, but also possible it is. you are being clingy, but most young girls are. My advice back off, hes likley way to much of your life if you are noticing all these little changes. If you are cool and give him space he will see that you are a unique girl for doing that at least. People drift, theres nothing that can be done..


i can attest the that

[mynameisX]

Ok, thanks. I figured I was being stupid. A male perspective is nice.

[anamericangod]

Long distance is bullshit. That's all the perspective you need.

[AlkalineAshes]

Long distance is bullshit. That's all the perspective you need.

yes this is the condensed version of my post. good stuff

[lovely864md]

How long have you been dating? Bear in mind that relationships do tend to come to an end at some point, and long distance isn't going to exactly stave that off.

[jagermeister]

Just be honest and straight forward about it - if he can't handle it then he's probably not a good guy.

[mynameisX]

How long have you been dating? Bear in mind that relationships do tend to come to an end at some point, and long distance isn't going to exactly stave that off.

We've been dating for 1 year and 3 months, with 7 of that being long distance. It's not horribly long, 3 hours or so, but we only see each other for a weekend about every 2 weeks. And even though I say I don't want to force the relationship if it's not going to work out, I will. I know myself. That's what I'm trying to be really careful of....

[AlkalineAshes]

ya.. people destroy their own relationships. they really do, by trying to hang on to it.

[lovely864md]

We've been dating for 1 year and 3 months, with 7 of that being long distance. It's not horribly long, 3 hours or so, but we only see each other for a weekend about every 2 weeks. And even though I say I don't want to force the relationship if it's not going to work out, I will. I know myself. That's what I'm trying to be really careful of....

Unless you honestly think that this could be the relationship of your lifetime, at least consider letting go.

[anamericangod]

7 months long distance. Pretty sure it is time to give up the ghost.

[mynameisX]

Thanks, you guys have given me a lot to think over.

[killerswells]

Long distance rarely works out, unless you see this guy as lifelong husband potential, save yourself the heartache and move on...

Plus, speaking on AIM is not communicating, it's bullshitting.

[mynameisX]

Long distance rarely works out, unless you see this guy as lifelong husband potential, save yourself the heartache and move on...

Plus, speaking on AIM is not communicating, it's bullshitting.

Lol, yeah, that's why I was a little upset. But it's only for this school year, then I'm moving back near him, possibly with him, so we figured we can make it through this year.

[Kassie09]

Everyone saying that it can't work out is retarded, it definitely can work out.
Call him and ask him what's going on and why you guys don't talk that much anymore if he still is short with you and doesn't make much effort to talk to you, I guess consider ending it. Or you could possibly 'take a break' until he moves back from school or whatever, not that taking a break generally works anyway.

[Charles777]

Tell him this...
"We should talk more."

[anamericangod]

Tell him this...
"We should talk more."

Are you drunk or just fucking stupid?

[Charles777]

Are you drunk or just fucking stupid?

Stupid.

[mynameisX]

Everyone saying that it can't work out is retarded, it definitely can work out.
Call him and ask him what's going on and why you guys don't talk that much anymore if he still is short with you and doesn't make much effort to talk to you, I guess consider ending it. Or you could possibly 'take a break' until he moves back from school or whatever, not that taking a break generally works anyway.


Thanks for the positive encouragement, it's fairly negative in here. And I talked to him today. He hadn't realized how upset about this I was. Thanks for all the advice!

[more heart]

I bet when he says he's tired, I bet it's because it's later where he is

...and long-distance relationships are pointless.

[Roboman]

LOL, you consider a weekend every couple weeks real long-distance? Jesus, I thought we were talking about at least a timezone difference here. Or maybe that's just because I'm trying to get with a girl from LA...hmm.

[jagermeister]

From my experience its not really worth it if its going to be this hard on you.

[Kassie09]

Thanks for the positive encouragement, it's fairly negative in here. And I talked to him today. He hadn't realized how upset about this I was. Thanks for all the advice!
You're welcome, I hope it works out!

[holyballs]

love fucking sucks. fuck women.

[leifstar]

love fucking sucks. fuck women.

amen.

[Tyler Revolution]

He's definitely waxing some other bitches ass.

[Tyler Revolution]

Probably multiple girls, actually.

[Tyler Revolution]

And when you're on AIM... oh yeah, then too.

[andrew4045]

i am in a long distance relationship of 2 years (different colleges) it is hard and we tend to get in arguments or get annoyed with each other when we are apart for long periods of times. it is just annoying to talk on the phone or IM, because it eventually just gets to the same routine everyday. i would try to see each other more because that reminds you why you are in a relationship and why you care/love that person so much. it sucks and i wish you the best even though its tough

[mynameisX]

i am in a long distance relationship of 2 years (different colleges) it is hard and we tend to get in arguments or get annoyed with each other when we are apart for long periods of times. it is just annoying to talk on the phone or IM, because it eventually just gets to the same routine everyday. i would try to see each other more because that reminds you why you are in a relationship and why you care/love that person so much. it sucks and i wish you the best even though its tough

Thanks, I understand the routine thing, that's really annoying. I don't know that I could do it for 2 years, I'm only doing it now because I know that after this semester is done, I can go back.

[AlkalineAshes]

you know what all you guys saying its gonna work out are spreading false hope. it can but its like 99% not gonna. everyone thinks they have that " 1 relationship" but sorry they dont. If you believe all these people you could be getting much more hurt in the long run.

[Chancetobe]

Perhaps he's actually just tired? And maybe fed up with the long distance thing?

[Tyler Revolution]

He's definitely waxing some other bitches ass.

This.

[Judge'sDaughter]

I need some advice. Some real advice. I need to find a way to tell my boyfriend that we aren't talking enough. We're in a long distance relationship (stupid, I know, but we're making it work) and usually we talk every night at least on AIM if not on the phone. But this past month has been really hard because the communication has dropped off alot.
We talked for 5 minutes today on AIM, I didn't get to hear about his day or tell him about mine, all he said was that he was going to bed and he'd talk to me later.
So I have a few questions for you guys....
1) Do you think something is happening behind my back?
He's had people cheat on him, and so have I, so I really really believe he wouldn't do that, but I honestly can't think of another reason.
2) How do I ask him if something's going on?
Is there a way to ask that won't make him defensive?
3) If you don't think anything is happening, how do I bring this up?
I've tried saying that I want us to talk more. I was straight forward because I know hinting never works. I don't know what else to do about it.
4) Am I just being obsessive or clingy or stupid or something?

It's possible that he's just been tired lately or something, but it's almost a month of this and it's beginning to wear on me. I feel kinda dumb posting this in a forum but I've seen some good advice given here, even with all the joking and whatnot. So any help would be greatly appreciated.

Okay, I have a few questions for you:

Where do the two of you live? When you say "long distance" how long a distance do you mean?
How long have you two been together? How long as this been long distance for?

My boyfriend and I met last year in school. He was an exchange student from Germany. I live in Chicago. We've been together for about a year now and it's been long distance- over four thousand milles- for about nine months. I had a similar problem- we didn't talk for about a week because we couldn't negotiate a time for us both to be on skype (there's a 7 hour time difference.) When he confronted me I got a bit defensive, but if he cares about you it will work out.

[zion the lion]

I was in a long distance relationship thing once...it was bullshit. I was in alaska he was in florida/georgia, and the roles were reversed where he was the one who wanted to talk more. But he was cheating on me with some junkie whore named jamie or something.

edit: but as long as you can tell when he's lying I think youre ok with the whole cheating thing.

[zion the lion]

This.

How can you "this" your own comment?

[AlkalineAshes]

How can you "this" your own comment?

haha funniest shit ever

[mynameisX]

I was in a long distance relationship thing once...it was bullshit. I was in alaska he was in florida/georgia, and the roles were reversed where he was the one who wanted to talk more. But he was cheating on me with some junkie whore named jamie or something.

edit: but as long as you can tell when he's lying I think youre ok with the whole cheating thing.

Okay, I have a few questions for you:

Where do the two of you live? When you say "long distance" how long a distance do you mean?
How long have you two been together? How long as this been long distance for?

My boyfriend and I met last year in school. He was an exchange student from Germany. I live in Chicago. We've been together for about a year now and it's been long distance- over four thousand milles- for about nine months. I had a similar problem- we didn't talk for about a week because we couldn't negotiate a time for us both to be on skype (there's a 7 hour time difference.) When he confronted me I got a bit defensive, but if he cares about you it will work out.


Ok, I feel bad calling this a long distance relationship now, it's only 120 miles.......same time zone and everything.

[Hamlet]

He's definitely waxing some other bitches ass.

With his penis, if you know what I mean.

[mynameisX]

With his penis, if you know what I mean.


Lol, I wish you had said between the sheets, if you know what I mean. That would have made my day.

[Tyler Revolution]

How can you "this" your own comment?

There's a quote button in the bottom right. Click it. It's a hard concept, but we'll get through this together.

[thespearkid]

Having tried and failed at the long distance thing, I can tell you that the worst thing you can do is try to force him to talk more. It eventually gets really tiring to have to recall an entire day's worth of events every night on the phone and he probably is just legitimately tired. If you try to push for it, he'll cave, at first, but resent you. For the record, this is a sign that your long distance relationship probably won't work out. You obviously want someone who you can talk to as much as you like and he obviously isn't up for that task. My advice would be that since it's so close to the end of the school year, finish out the school year with him, enjoy an amazing summer with him, and then end it before school starts back again. I know it will be hard to do after an entire summer together but it is definitely for the best.

[OldJersey]

you know what all you guys saying its gonna work out are spreading false hope. it can but its like 99% not gonna. everyone thinks they have that " 1 relationship" but sorry they dont. If you believe all these people you could be getting much more hurt in the long run.


/bitter about all the shitty relationships you have been in

[AlkalineAshes]

/bitter about all the shitty relationships you have been in

alot of people confuse bitterness and realism.

[OldJersey]

alot of people confuse bitterness and realism.

alot of people confuse realism with personal experience.

[SeeYouSeptember]

Long distance fails over and over again. Coming from someone who've done it before, you just get tired of talking and with the fact that you can't hang out a lot makes it worst.

[mynameisX]

Having tried and failed at the long distance thing, I can tell you that the worst thing you can do is try to force him to talk more. It eventually gets really tiring to have to recall an entire day's worth of events every night on the phone and he probably is just legitimately tired. If you try to push for it, he'll cave, at first, but resent you. For the record, this is a sign that your long distance relationship probably won't work out. You obviously want someone who you can talk to as much as you like and he obviously isn't up for that task. My advice would be that since it's so close to the end of the school year, finish out the school year with him, enjoy an amazing summer with him, and then end it before school starts back again. I know it will be hard to do after an entire summer together but it is definitely for the best.

Ah ha, but the thing is next year, I'm not going to be so far away from him. My parents said they'd pay for 1/2 my tuition if I went to a christian college, so I gave it a try, and I'm not coming back next year. I think I'll be about 20-30 miles away from him, or possibly at the same school next year.

[AlkalineAshes]

Long distance fails over and over again. Coming from someone who've done it before, you just get tired of talking and with the fact that you can't hang out a lot makes it worst.

alot of people confuse realism with personal experience.

guess I dont have to explain myself there buddy. someone did it for me ,wise up

[.invisible ink.]

Long distance fails over and over again. Coming from someone who've done it before, you just get tired of talking and with the fact that you can't hang out a lot makes it worst.

you are very wise.

[kwsqd]

Long distance fails over and over again. Coming from someone who've done it before, you just get tired of talking and with the fact that you can't hang out a lot makes it worst.
you're 13? lol?

[AlkalineAshes]

haha wow didnt see that.kid is wise beyond his years

[boykosaurus]

I need some advice. Some real advice. I need to find a way to tell my boyfriend that we aren't talking enough. We're in a long distance relationship (stupid, I know, but we're making it work) and usually we talk every night at least on AIM if not on the phone. But this past month has been really hard because the communication has dropped off alot.
We talked for 5 minutes today on AIM, I didn't get to hear about his day or tell him about mine, all he said was that he was going to bed and he'd talk to me later.
So I have a few questions for you guys....
1) Do you think something is happening behind my back?
He's had people cheat on him, and so have I, so I really really believe he wouldn't do that, but I honestly can't think of another reason.
2) How do I ask him if something's going on?
Is there a way to ask that won't make him defensive?
3) If you don't think anything is happening, how do I bring this up?
I've tried saying that I want us to talk more. I was straight forward because I know hinting never works. I don't know what else to do about it.
4) Am I just being obsessive or clingy or stupid or something?

It's possible that he's just been tired lately or something, but it's almost a month of this and it's beginning to wear on me. I feel kinda dumb posting this in a forum but I've seen some good advice given here, even with all the joking and whatnot. So any help would be greatly appreciated.

1.) No
2.) Be blunt and ask
3.) Let him know how you feel, when my (ex)gf got real upset at me for not communicating enough I realized I wasn't doing what I should have been doing. Guys and communication aren't best friends, but if we see that it's bothering you and we care about you we can easily adjust
4.) Long distance is tough (my gf broke up w/ me over it not long ago), the best is just to let him know how you feel and if he's not online a lot send a detailed email

...and use skype with a webcam, it sure as hell could've saved my relationship if I had used it.

[mynameisX]

1.) No
2.) Be blunt and ask
3.) Let him know how you feel, when my (ex)gf got real upset at me for not communicating enough I realized I wasn't doing what I should have been doing. Guys and communication aren't best friends, but if we see that it's bothering you and we care about you we can easily adjust
4.) Long distance is tough (my gf broke up w/ me over it not long ago), the best is just to let him know how you feel and if he's not online a lot send a detailed email

...and use skype with a webcam, it sure as hell could've saved my relationship if I had used it.

Thanks! Yeah, we videochat on AIM a lot, and helps.

[OldJersey]

guess I dont have to explain myself there buddy. someone did it for me ,wise up


95% of relationships end up bad, long distance or short distance, I've done long distance before and it lasted for 2 and a half years, it wasn't always long distance, but for about half of it, it was. I'm not with the girl anymore cause like most relationships we ended it, but I didn't come off it with a bitter feeling against long distance. Some people can handle it, some can't.

[ablueskytragedy]

Long distance is bullshit. That's all the perspective you need.

Favorite AP poster.


/dick sucking

[anamericangod]

Favorite AP poster.


/dick sucking

Thank you kind sir.

[takemyhand]

he might not be cheating on you, but he might be trying to push you out... like get you to break up with him so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.

I couldn't handle long distance, I see my boyfriend everyday, couldn't imagine seeing him every couple weeks :|

But, my cousin lives in Michigan and her boyfriend lives in Virginia; they've been going out for like, 3 years and they're perfect.

You have to be really strong for long distance I guess; and they guy has to be worth it.

But really I think if I were you I'd break up with him, with the possibility of getting back together when you guys are closer.
You know ? If it's meant to be, it will be.

[dropdead_julia]

Long distant relationships are not stupid, i've been in one for 7 months and have been talking to my boyfriend for over a year.. everyday non stop. If he's being quiet I let him know that i'm bothered. Don't let it get to you that he isn't talking much, he does have a life besides you. There could be a possibility that he might be sneaking around or getting sick of you in general, but I wouldn't let that get to your head. My boyfriend has also been cheated on by his 2 ex girlfriends, which that gives me some reason to think he will never cheat on ME. If he does, he can fuck himself... anyways, if he acts differently near you in person when you see him.. then something might be wrong or he might be hiding a thing or two.

[AliceRocks]

I need some advice. Some real advice. I need to find a way to tell my boyfriend that we aren't talking enough. We're in a long distance relationship (stupid, I know, but we're making it work) and usually we talk every night at least on AIM if not on the phone. But this past month has been really hard because the communication has dropped off alot.
We talked for 5 minutes today on AIM, I didn't get to hear about his day or tell him about mine, all he said was that he was going to bed and he'd talk to me later.
So I have a few questions for you guys....
1) Do you think something is happening behind my back?
He's had people cheat on him, and so have I, so I really really believe he wouldn't do that, but I honestly can't think of another reason.
2) How do I ask him if something's going on?
Is there a way to ask that won't make him defensive?
3) If you don't think anything is happening, how do I bring this up?
I've tried saying that I want us to talk more. I was straight forward because I know hinting never works. I don't know what else to do about it.
4) Am I just being obsessive or clingy or stupid or something?

It's possible that he's just been tired lately or something, but it's almost a month of this and it's beginning to wear on me. I feel kinda dumb posting this in a forum but I've seen some good advice given here, even with all the joking and whatnot. So any help would be greatly appreciated.

I'm in a similar situation, actually, being at a different college than my boyfriend. The thing is guys don't really tend to like to communicate when they can't see your face. At least that's what I've noticed. Don't pressure him, though. Anyone who said that will back him into a corner and make him resent you is right.

[spriltsc]

if this continues, i would be worried.

[mynameisX]

Long distant relationships are not stupid, i've been in one for 7 months and have been talking to my boyfriend for over a year.. everyday non stop. If he's being quiet I let him know that i'm bothered. Don't let it get to you that he isn't talking much, he does have a life besides you. There could be a possibility that he might be sneaking around or getting sick of you in general, but I wouldn't let that get to your head. My boyfriend has also been cheated on by his 2 ex girlfriends, which that gives me some reason to think he will never cheat on ME. If he does, he can fuck himself... anyways, if he acts differently near you in person when you see him.. then something might be wrong or he might be hiding a thing or two.

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I just can't wait till this semester is over with and I can move closer to him again. I think it's just the distance wearing on us.

I'm in a similar situation, actually, being at a different college than my boyfriend. The thing is guys don't really tend to like to communicate when they can't see your face. At least that's what I've noticed. Don't pressure him, though. Anyone who said that will back him into a corner and make him resent you is right.

That's a good point, thanks for bringing that up! I'll keep it in mind.

[dropdead_julia]

you're welcome :]