A Dream Worth Having

[Meenaghey Aym]

DISCLAIMER: This song is sappy and droll. I know its gets cliched but it is designed exactly how it is supposed to be. I hope I delivered it well. Also the bridge is extremely cliched... so have fun with it. Pick it apart. Mainly I need to know how to improve it while keeping it in the romantic sappy nature.

A Dream Worth Having



~Verse~
How many times have I looked into your eyes
Fallen deeper than mists in the blue valleys
Pushing through all adversity and lose
Everything I felt I had to hide from you
Now I find myself in a crimson ocean
Could it be the sunlight on the horizon
Now you’ll find my wings underneath your burdens
And you’ll never have to cry again

~Chorus~
My darling
Countless times I’ve watched the skies and saw you dancing
Through the rainfall, after all else, your movement trancing
My eyes to sleep, my soul you keep intoxicating
And when the wind blows, I can you whisper my name
It says, “My darling, I love you.”

~Verse~
Every morning, you’re like a butterfly
Who spreads its wings for the very first time
Lying on your breast, I feel that I belong
As I listen to your heartbeat, it’s my favorite song
Now through the rain I can see your true beauty
Just as the sunlight when the rainbow appears
The sky grows dark and yet millions of leagues away
The stars shine through as des your eyes as if its day

~Chorus~
My darling
Countless times I’ve watched the skies and saw you dancing
Through the rainfall, after all else, your movement trancing
My eyes to sleep, my soul you keep intoxicating
And when the wind blows, I can you whisper my name
It says, “My darling, I love you.”

~Bridge~
And I know that boys like me come dime a dozen
You could pay man pennies to have this song sung
The grass may seem greener on the other side
But I think no other cud stand to how hard I try
As of now my eyes are yet to be clear
As I take back Sunday, Saosin speaks in my ears
And I haven’t a dime, no, not even pennies
But to hear that whisper I would give my everything…

My darling.. I love you...

[redmoon]

cheesy and cliched sorry

[Meenaghey Aym]

no dont be sorry it is cliched and cheesy lol

[eliselovesmusic]

Now you’ll find my wings underneath your burdens

Lovely line


As I listen to you heartbeat, it’s my favorite song

Another great line.


Yeah, it may seem quite cliche but I have heard much much worse.
If you don't compare it to anything else then I think it's not too bad - just another love song about, well, loving someone and if you truly feel love for them then yeah it's gonna sound cliche because I'd say that everyone who's in love feels really similar things.

But what do I know about that right haha

[livingalive626]

on the chorus, maybe take off the "my" before darling...doesn't sound as cheesy that way.
to be honest, i don't think the bridge holds up to the poeticness (word? lol) of the rest...
ans as FOr the rest, i think it would be amazing as a song, just like you said about mine, if sung in a correct way...
and to be honest, i think people can only pick apart true love songs(if this is indeed a song about a real girl...) to a certain degree... simple because they are so personal and emotional.

[eliselovesmusic]

and to be honest, i think people can only pick apart true love songs(if this is indeed a song about a real girl...) to a certain degree... simply because they are so personal and emotional.


fixed

Yeah exactly what I was tryna get across except I didn't say it ver well haha

[Meenaghey Aym]

yea... i wrote this YEARS about my ex wife... maybe 2003..she made me happier than I have ever been in my life... So I married her, had two kids, and then she did what women do best. RIPPED MY FREAGIN HEAT OUT!! lol ah well. it was beautiful while it lasted.

yea i guess the "my" may be a little much, looking back on it I cud probably revise quite a few thins to make them better. But it was alredy finished so I just retyped it and posted it actually bc of ur song living. I wanted to share a bit of my own. 90% of my writing turns out like this and a lot of it is really good, but love is a cliche... one that I have lived all too many times.

thanx elise i think i really like quite a few lines in this one. I wanted to take ideas somone would generally find in a love song (**again love is a cliche**) and put them into my own unique words..

**because I'd say that everyone who's in love feels really similar things**

[eliselovesmusic]

yea... i wrote this YEARS about my ex wife... maybe 2003..she made me happier than I have ever been in my life... So I married her, had two kids, and then she did what women do best. RIPPED MY FREAGIN HEAT OUT!! lol ah well. it was beautiful while it lasted.

yea i guess the "my" may be a little much, looking back on it I cud probably revise quite a few thins to make them better. But it was alredy finished so I just retyped it and posted it actually bc of ur song living. I wanted to share a bit of my own. 90% of my writing turns out like this and a lot of it is really good, but love is a cliche... one that I have lived all too many times.

thanx elise i think i really like quite a few lines in this one. I wanted to take ideas somone would generally find in a love song (**again love is a cliche**) and put them into my own unique words..




:blackcat: :violin: (not meaning to be sarcastic)