pouring out

[lizzymm]

these tears are deadly
you feel that ?
I've fucked that
EVerytime you blow your mind out
t'was my heart, my joy
Forget it, these words are unbarring
not close to this feeling
of losing you again
if only you'd feel that
it burns through, right through you
as your fate grows nonexistent

[eliselovesmusic]

I know I really want to like this - but I found it kind of hard to follow. Maybe I'm just not concentrating very well but it didn't seem to make sense. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh

[newtothis]

these tears are deadly
you feel that ?
I've fucked that
EVerytime you blow your mind out
t'was my heart, my joy
Forget it, these words are unbarring
not close to this feeling
of losing you again
if only you'd feel that
it burns through, right through you
as your fate grows nonexistent

I really like the way you say that words are not enough to express what you are feeling. Just the fact that, excuse me if I'm wrong, what you are feeling and what the other in the poem is feeling are on totally different levels is a good idea. However, think about expanding them. Your transitions are really abrupt. For instance:
EVerytime you blow your mind out
t'was my heart, my joy
Forget it, these words are unbarring
not close to this feeling

You seem to be talking about your pain and then just cut to "Forget it." I think the poem would be more powerful if you spent more time talking about the pain you feel before jumping to this next section.

[Meenaghey Aym]

i agree with new. there is potential here luv!

[fishingthe_sky]

these tears are deadly
you feel that ?
I've fucked that
EVerytime you blow your mind out
t'was my heart, my joy
Forget it, these words are unbarring
not close to this feeling
of losing you again
if only you'd feel that
it burns through, right through you
as your fate grows nonexistent
Ugh, "t'was." People used to say that when I was in high school like it was cool. It's not cool. Hasn't been cool since Shakespeare. "T'was the Night Before Christmas" gets a pass. Really, there's no place for it here.

This terse little piece is a tad on the vague side. Using "that" and "feeling" like you do wield little emotive power, and don't really do anything. When working with short pieces, every word needs to pull its weight, otherwise you lose too much detail; that's what's happening here. I'm trying to get my mind around what you're trying to say in lines 6-8, and I can't do it. Are you sure "unbarring" is the word you really want (or perhaps need) to use here? Even stretching the meaning to loosely tied synonyms, I don't see how it fits here. Also, your capitalization seems random. Punctuation? Where is it?

I get the basic idea, but the details that give this some character are missing.