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View Full Version : A Bittersweet Aftertaste - best thing I've written in a long time...


Blared
11/16/05, 02:33 PM
Excuse me, Miss
but if you don't mind
can i have your hand
and take you on this little tale of mine,
i left it near your night-stand
I wrote it in braille
so someone as blind to kindness
as you can understand
(my price-tragged heart is not for sale)

verse 2, palm muted;
is there something missing
cause you've misplaced me
replaced for the cover story
it doesn't catch your eye, let alone mine
don't disappoint me, cause your doing just fineeee
(dragged out into chorus)

Chorus:
Woe, whoa, this is so beautiful,
From this view, you can see we've got it out for you
but your so resentful, to what the world is after
You should hear it's laughter towards you
when you say it's got nothing to offer you
From out here you can see what the world is after
Woe, whoa, this is so beautiful to only me
(music stops) this is bittersweet

verse 3
and you don't seem to be listening
a bittersweet aftertaste
and you'll wake up in my t-shirt again
with the early morning hours to waste
and when you decide that you'll give it a try,
and open your eyes, and decide to dream again
you can call me in november
we'll work on this then, until then

Chorus:
Woe, whoa, this is so beautiful,
From this view, you can see we've got it out for you
but your so resentful, to what the world is after
You should hear it's laughter towards you
when you say it's got nothing to offer you
From out here you can see what the world is after
Woe, whoa, this is so beautiful to only me
(music stops) this is bittersweet

Outro:
So where'd you go, where is it that you go?
Come home, you should see the disaster of stars in the sky
You can see what the world is after-all...
---
I wasn't sure how to write out the "woe, whoa" sound, so that's the best I could do for that. I've got guitar planned out for this already so I might put an audio up soon of it...please leave your advice and reviews on this one...thanks.

a speedo model
11/16/05, 03:42 PM
i like it. i don't think it's your best though, but it is good. some parts need work, but overall it's another great one from you. keep it up. :thumbsup:

Blared
11/16/05, 07:15 PM
Thanks man. I appreciate you checking up on my work, it's really encouraging. There's alot of talent here.

SLADE775
11/17/05, 09:28 AM
Thanks man. I appreciate you checking up on my work, it's really encouraging. There's alot of talent here.

No there is not any talent.

Blared
11/17/05, 12:16 PM
Mhm. Well then...

lovely864md
11/17/05, 12:28 PM
I cant get this super poppy tune out of my head when I read this, but I like the lyrics. Id like to hear it once youve got the audio.

Blared
11/17/05, 06:25 PM
Yeah, it's not the most original thing I've written, but I actually stuck to some sort of rhyme this time and I like how it came out.

Jubano
11/17/05, 08:49 PM
"the disaster of stars in the sky"

thats an incredible image

Blared
11/19/05, 03:03 PM
Thanks.

xdashingability
11/19/05, 03:58 PM
Excuse me, Miss
but if you don't mind
can i have your hand
and take you on this little tale of mine,
i left it near your night-stand
I wrote it in braille
so someone as blind to kindness
as you can understand

This verse is exceptionally well written... even though it's only a few words, verse 3 is well written too. Also, I would tell you my critiques right now, but that'd make me seem jerkish.

Blared
11/20/05, 11:09 AM
So you like parts of it but as a whole you didn't?

yaz
11/21/05, 04:10 AM
dude, that song surpasses my best work easily...im happy for you that youve got that kind of talent, but im unhappy cuz ur showin my lyrics up!!:redface:

xdashingability
11/22/05, 09:09 AM
No, no, no the entire thing is good... it's GOOD! It's great, I'm saying there's a few thing that I personally would change... but it isn't like my opinion carries a hefty amount of weight. The little things I would change are so minute and pointless, it wouldn't make much if any noticeable difference... like "Cause you've misplaced me, replaced for the cover story..." I wouldn't put misplaced and replaced two words apart... BUT that is MINUTE and miniscual... it's pointless for me to be telling you this... it's great writing... period.