my shot at hardcore

[beau blood rush]

you count your flaws
like i count my sheep
and i’d keep my thoughts to myself
if you’d quit spilling em
take yr open wounds with a grain of salt
i’m staying gold
& coppers sweating out yr pores
kisses with chasers
B-side bachelors & fox blonde fools faking heaviness
got 26 keys to write you with 88 to back me up
got 26 keys to write you with 88 to back me up
headlines: “fckthewholetownandlosesevenpounds! ”
it’s all same ol’
whomever's and clockwork operators
leaving their “miss you’s” after the beep
desperate for the next his-and-her tragedies

[screamoutmyname]

...

[Jefferson Rank]

kind of....

short.

[beau blood rush]

ooo those dots definitely mean 'shit'
so when you say that do you mean "that's shit for hardcore"
or"i hate hardcore, so that's shit"
?

[beau blood rush]

kind of....

short.

this is definitely the right length for the genre.
least it's the same size as the few songs i've looked up,
maybe i'm wrong?

[screamoutmyname]

ooo those dots definitely mean 'shit'
so when you say that do you mean "that's shit for hardcore"
or"i hate hardcore, so that's shit"
?

it's not terribly written or anything... it's better than some of the lyrics i've read, but i think it could use some improvement... perhaps remove a cliche or two, unless that's the style you're going for. i'm not very good at critiquing... sorry. i guess just keep working at it

[beau blood rush]

yeah i don't know i was listening to some hardcore bands and i felt verses like

"fuck regret,
the hatred's overwhelming
and i can't forget"

that are in most hardcore songs were getting a bit boring so i went for something in between my bands songs and that style.
probably going to have a shot at getting the song together.
just for fun though.

[screamoutmyname]

cool man... you're off to a pretty decent start and i'd say keep writing... good luck

[gilfers]

dudeeeee, I really like this (:
seriously. it's really good.

I'm not sure why I like it, but I LOVE the line about counting flaws like sheep, it's genious!
post more (:

[Ishbalan]

kind of....

short.
A lot of hardcore songs are pretty short. Especially if there's screaming (not sure if there would be in this case). If there were ten minute screaming songs, their throats would be hamburger meat after every show.

Pretty good lyrics in any case.

[beau blood rush]

thank-you :]

[more heart]

What the hell was that?

[screamoutmyname]

A lot of hardcore songs are pretty short. Especially if there's screaming (not sure if there would be in this case). If there were ten minute screaming songs, their throats would be hamburger meat after every show.

Pretty good lyrics in any case.

i've actually got to disagree... a lot of the longer songs in my itunes are hardcore bands (to be very general about the genre)

ex: hopesfall, norma jean, trenches, skycamefalling, johnny truant, botch, beloved, august burns red.

i do see what you're saying, though

[Sal]

It's better than most hardcore songs I've looked up the lyrics to.

I liked it.

[eliselovesmusic]

B-side bachelors & fox blonde fools faking heaviness
headlines: “fckthewholetownandlosesevenpounds! ”
leaving their “miss you’s” after the beep
desperate for the next his-and-her tragedies


I love these lines. I much prefer taking a cliche kind of theme and writing it intelligently and therefore making it better. :-)

I gotta say though, it's a heck of a lot better than most of the hard core stuff that comes out. The difference between this and other hardcore bands: you can't predict the next line.