My Classic Romance (Feedback Wanted!)

[AlexEnglish]

The thought that emerges as we touch lips, if ignorance is bliss, then what is awareness?
Fatigued eyes shut for tonight, ill be your protection, ill turn out the light.

Because were the only ones who know what this means
They're all liars and fakes, pretending machines
Our minds think aline and when were apart
Im without a soul, because you have my heart.

I know its not possible for you to have known, i couldnt stand without you on my own.
My legs would shatter, crumble to dust, Id crawl and id beg, your my never ending lust.

Because were the only ones who know what this means,
Theyre all liars and fakes, pretending machines
Our minds think alike and when we're apart
Im without a soul, becuase you have my heart.

I could just dream to lie by your breath,
Nothing could end us, not distance nor death
If i could speak and show how id feel
Id kis your feet and get down and kneel
And yell out in joy, in pure ecstacy
Our lives are entwined, just you and me
This isnt just luck, this isnt just chance
You are my love, my classic romance.

[meggiexxlynn]

I think this poem is amazing. :)

[eliselovesmusic]

I love the lines "Fatigued eyes" and "pretending machines." Very nice :-)


Awesome title too dude... You're seriously 15? wow.

[fishingthe_sky]

There's two things I want to say about this: 1) For your age, this is well written. Your sense of poetics is definitely higher than what is expected from your demographic. That being said, 2) While you're saying things in more interesting ways that the norm, many of the sentiments in this poem have been said before in ways very similar to the way you're saying them. The sentiments are also fairly over the top, to the point of being cheesy. Saying you're going to kiss her feet or that you can't stand without her are incredibly dramatic pronouncements. Also, the last line is a point that doesn't need to be made. Explanatory lines like this do not enhance the poem, but rather detract from it, since it typically names what's already been well described; in poetry, if you show what you want to say, you'll have no reason to tell us what it is you're saying.

[AlexEnglish]

fishing, i this isnt the only thing ive ever written, just one of of the more sappy things.
id actually say that when i was writing this i was worried about the sappyness, i can see now that i did do a little too much.
thanks!

[tragic_harmony]

The thought that emerges as we touch lips, if ignorance is bliss, then what is awareness?
Fatigued eyes shut for tonight, ill be your protection, ill turn out the light.

Because were the only ones who know what this means
They're all liars and fakes, pretending machines
Our minds think aline and when were apart
Im without a soul, because you have my heart.

I know its not possible for you to have known, i couldnt stand without you on my own.
My legs would shatter, crumble to dust, Id crawl and id beg, your my never ending lust.

Because were the only ones who know what this means,
Theyre all liars and fakes, pretending machines
Our minds think alike and when we're apart
Im without a soul, becuase you have my heart.

I could just dream to lie by your breath,
Nothing could end us, not distance nor death
If i could speak and show how id feel
Id kis your feet and get down and kneel
And yell out in joy, in pure ecstacy
Our lives are entwined, just you and me
This isnt just luck, this isnt just chance
You are my love, my classic romance.



Have you ever tryed to sell your work? you could probably get a lot of money for it.