Momentary Lapse.

[MorningStar10]

5 seconds shouldn't define my lifetime, it shouldn't change all my destiny,
One lapse in myself and i am no longer me.

The World has shaped a whole different map all for the worse,
its all changed and my childhood dreams are driving away in brand new herse

Humility is something we learn through pain
Just one life lesson i need to gain.

Other lessons revolve round the illusion of fate,
To wonder if i altered it, is to wonder too late.

Now i sing this prose with a tear in my eye,
And pose the question why o why?

(Poem i made last year when i was 16, when i got arrested for something stupid, Feedback would be much appreciated)

[eliselovesmusic]

I like it all except for the last two lines. They seem terribly cliche sorry.

The World has shaped a whole different map all for the worse,

I like the idea of this line, but I don't think it was executed quite the way I'd like it to be. But that's just my pathetic opinion - ask fishing_thesky for some more inspired critique haha.

Now I gotta ask (you knew this was coming): what'd you do?

[MorningStar10]

ha Criminal Damage, out with a couple of friends and we were mucking around and broke a couple of wing mirrors of cars and me and one friend got caught but choose not to put our friends in it. Anyway we were facing having criminal record (no university, some jobs out the window) but we got away with accidental criminal damage and i got a Repramand (criminal record till 18).

Yeah i know what you mean about the last line, i just did't know how to finish it. Thanks for feedback.

[fishingthe_sky]

Yeah, the last two lines are pretty bad. Plus, this isn't even prose. I would also say that the inconsistencies in the line lengths are really not working. You seem to be going for a particular rhythm, so try and work your lines into that.