Reality

[newtothis]

Before I start, I would like to say that I know this piece is a little prose like with just enough poetic devices to give it the feel of poetry. Please just bear with it and give me your honest opinion.

Reality

His head shined kind of like a newly polished pair of shoes.
"They want us to advocate more," he said.
"We can change lives and change the world," he said.
I sat half-watching, too focused on the chill bumps that
Surfaced as a result of the plate tectonics within my own skin.
I used to believe that too, you know,
all that pizazz. That Uncle Sam piping,
Mountain moving, tree hugging, heritage first
Sort of talk.
And then I came to college,
Or, if you would prefer,
Reality.
I met people.
People who would, but couldn't.
People who could, but didn't care to.
Sitting in class every Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
Listening to them beat the "problems" to death like one would a horse that didn't perform well enough at the races.
Each lash of the whip wounded mortally what used to be my ideals,
The bright sheen of my own coat clotted with sweat and blood from the lash.
They were advocating and Advocating and ADVOCATING.
For what?
A good grade in a class? An A for the semester?
A life of leisure following graduation,
when all their advocating amounted to hours in a pool float?
I used to believe that too, you know.

[thespearkid]

Gotta say, this is honestly my favorite thing I've seen from you.

[newtothis]

Thanks.

[fishingthe_sky]

His head shined kind of like a newly polished pair of shoes.
"They want us to advocate more," he said.
"We can change lives and change the world," he said.
I sat half-watching, too focused on the chill bumps that
Surfaced as a result of the plate tectonics within my own skin.
I used to believe that too, you know,
all that pizazz. That Uncle Sam piping,
Mountain moving, tree hugging, heritage first
Sort of talk.
Not a bad start. Don't "sorta" your way through metaphors. Make the damn guy's head as shiny as you want it to be. You could very well say "newly polished shoes." Condense condense condense! Same with "Surfaced as a result of the plate tectonic within my own skin" - how about "Surfaced from the plate tectonics under my skin"?

And then I came to college,
Or, if you would prefer,
Reality.
I met people.
People who would, but couldn't.
People who could, but didn't care to.
Sitting in class every Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
Cut the if you prefer reality bit. Your statement can be made without actually stating it.

Listening to them beat the "problems" to death like one would a horse that didn't perform well enough at the races.
Each lash of the whip wounded mortally what used to be my ideals,
The bright sheen of my own coat clotted with sweat and blood from the lash.
They were advocating and Advocating and ADVOCATING.
This suffers from being too wordy (save the last line). "Listening to them beat 'problems' to death like a failed race horse/ Each lash wounding mortally my ideals/ The bright sheen of the coat covered by clotted blood"
Would be my suggestion. In that last line, you need to change some of the language, for sheen cannot get clotted; only the coat can, but that's not the subject of line. Plus, it's repetitive to say lash again.

For what?
A good grade in a class? An A for the semester?
A life of leisure following graduation,
when all their advocating amounted to hours in a pool float?
I used to believe that too, you know.
Get rid of the good grade part of that line. I'm a bit uncertain as to what you're trying to say with the "pool float". Are you trying to say they spend hours floating in a pool? Because if you are, that's not what you're actually saying. Axe the "you know" part; it's unnecessary, and a bit too snotty to end this on.

A little rough, but not a bad poem.

[newtothis]

Yeah, I tend to be pretty wordy as I writer. I'm sure my teachers really must dislike reading my essays sometimes :) I'll work on it though.