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[newtothis]

It's too cliche.

[The Personist]

It's too cliche.


I disagree. The imagery was poignant.

[fishingthe_sky]

I disagree. The imagery was poignant.
How did you feel about the repetition? It got on my nerves after line 3.

[Sweep_the_Leg]

It's heartfelt, but needs work. It's too blunt, it's like a Tom Gabel song.

[Duexy]

we up in foot locker, i'm lookin' like i need those
ten and a half and if you got em gimme two of those
i can tell she never seen murphy lee before
cuz she juss standin' there as if im shootin' free throws
i said excuse me miss i only wanna buy shoes
she said "i love you murph, especially in the white and blue"
i said "the white and blue? sound nice, make it twice"
and i signed her autograph "thanks for the advice"

[fishingthe_sky]

we up in foot locker, i'm lookin' like i need those
ten and a half and if you got em gimme two of those
i can tell she never seen murphy lee before
cuz she juss standin' there as if im shootin' free throws
i said excuse me miss i only wanna buy shoes
she said "i love you murph, especially in the white and blue"
i said "the white and blue? sound nice, make it twice"
and i signed her autograph "thanks for the advice"
hahahahaha nice