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View Full Version : The Black Lights of Sitara I: Diary of a Backwards Marathoner


ArTkY_
11/29/05, 10:11 PM
Sitara means morning star, so yeah... black lights... sitara... oxymoron... you get it. This is part one of a story I'm writing in song form. I titled it like a CoCa song because I figured that was the best way.

"Listen up, honey, and listen well...
nothing we say leaves this room."
Tonight, here, now, moaning expletives from wall to wall,
he came to me,
"listen good boy, you're a quick thinker,"
(Oh, if only I could have thought quicker)
"just a quick look and, boom, he's dead."
I can't do it, I won't
"no choice, son, pull back the bolt"
(I dread the day I took my first shot)
Timing was key, with the second hand of the clock...

"Spent the last 10 years in limbo, kid, don't you see me?
I'm dead! I'm dead..."
"Not dead enough for me, too easy, too quick...
no amount of suffering will ever equal the pain you caused me"

I dread the day I took my first shot
(can't you see me?)
Timing was key, with the second hand of the clock
(i'm dead)
"No time to explain kid, be done, be quick...
be done, be quick...
be done, be quick..."
My dear friends, it seems this is how your nightmare ends.

Fin.

here's some notes, the song is from a first person perspective, so if you think something should be in quotation marks but its not, its because the narrator is saying it. there's more to explain, but just don't ask any questions until i post the last one of these songs up, i'll post another topic with the last one to explain it all. you may not like it, and there's probably a lot of things wrong with it, but i didn't change it because i was surprised at how my ideas were flowing on paper.

a speedo model
11/30/05, 07:52 AM
wow, that was very good. reminded me of CoCa. i love it, i only wish it was a little longer. but amazing job, man.

Blared
11/30/05, 12:07 PM
Awesome. Sometimes if you keep it the way it is and not change it for what sounds better on paper, you end up having a better final product that sounds better out loud. Keep it up.

ArTkY_
11/30/05, 03:35 PM
Thanks guys.

de la sympathie
12/01/05, 06:36 AM
Once again, excellent work. It's a bit shorter than whaat you usually write, but nevertheless... amazing. I really liked it. <3

ArTkY_
12/01/05, 12:35 PM
Thanks Shauna :D

Yeah, it is a little short but that's because its pretty much an introduction to the series.

ArTkY_
12/01/05, 03:25 PM
I've finshed part two and its wayyy longer, even longer than some of my normal stuff. But I ain't posting it until I get more replies! Bastards!

de la sympathie
12/02/05, 06:41 AM
replyspam

Apollo II
12/02/05, 08:49 AM
Holy shit you are like the next Claudio Sanchez.It was amazing.

ArTkY_
12/02/05, 02:56 PM
Holy shit you are like the next Claudio Sanchez.It was amazing.
Holy crap... that's one of the highest praises I could ever ask for. Thanks!

para ser libre
12/03/05, 01:21 PM
sooooo... much more mature than your normal stuff dam you got bring it up a notch see what i can come back with now....

<3 adam...haha

Forsythe22
12/04/05, 09:08 AM
Dude that was so sick! Waaayy better than Co&Ca. It's all about The Black Lights of Sitara, not The Willing Well or The Velorium Camper. I can tell this is gonna be good...checking out the next chapter now...

xChasingsafetyx
12/04/05, 12:09 PM
Nice work!
I'm very impressed!

Hilikus
12/04/05, 01:31 PM
sweet job dude

lackofcolour 13
12/04/05, 08:24 PM
artky, you are a damn good songwriter. I dont mean to put you on the spot, but if you record, I would like to hear some of this or anything of yours.

Boring Pop Song
12/05/05, 10:23 AM
i thought it was cool, seems like you got a good story idea here maybe could use a little kicker. i liked the other one i read better, but this one's still pretty good. keep it up

ArTkY_
12/05/05, 06:21 PM
artky, you are a damn good songwriter. I dont mean to put you on the spot, but if you record, I would like to hear some of this or anything of yours.
My mic is broken, I need a decent instrumental mic and I suck at singing, but I'm pretty sure I could get someone to sing for me.
Dude that was so sick! Waaayy better than Co&Ca. It's all about The Black Lights of Sitara, not The Willing Well or The Velorium Camper. I can tell this is gonna be good...checking out the next chapter now...
hahaha, thanks.

Thanks to the rest of you.

mrgus404
12/05/05, 06:26 PM
Rather than polishing your knob like the rest of these douche bags, I'm going to have to say that this ranks amongst the vilest shit that i have ever read. Please don't release the next however many parts you are going to. Please DO NOT read and comment on my poem.

(lol)

eight
12/09/05, 01:13 PM
that was a really good piece of poetry.
comparisons to co&ca gave me a vomit-y taste in my mouth.

Suburban Rhythm
12/11/05, 03:37 PM
That's so fucking good. If you ever record any of this I would love to hear it. My only criticism would be in the title only because it is so much like Co&Ca, but you're already aware of that so I'm sure you had your reasons for it. Good Luck with the rest of it.