Sincerely, Confused in Columbus.

[cuetheflames]

ok so this is the current situation.

you might have to do some reading this could be long..

anyways, so ive been dating this girl for just about a year now. and i love her, i am so sure of that. and i know she loves me to. its just lately things havent been going the exact way i thought it would at this point.

part of it is just that (not to sound like a girly bitch) im just a lot more emotional than she is. she isnt really the kind of girl that trys to always put her arms around me and say cute things. there isnt that much surprise from here and she doesnt really keep me guessing. and if she doesnt raelly ever say nice things to me i cant always tell how she feels. and if i ask if shes pissed or something she gets mad at me and says that i should just know.. ??

another thing is just the keeping me guessing thing. she lives like 2 streets away from me. a 3 minute jog. and i had always thought us going out would be sweet because id be able to see her so much and shed sneak out to hang out with me and stuff. but the thing is she doesnt always show that much interest in hanging out and she doesnt ever just really do nice things to be with me or whatever. she hasnt ever even snuck out to see me. i mean i know she says its hard because her parents are crazy but i know she can still. she just wont do it, she wont take risks for me.

prolly one of the biggest factors though right now is the whole sex situation.

at 6 months we first did it. and we had done it a few times a month since then. not a lot because shes just not real emotional and sexual and stuff. i dont really get it i wish she was more.

but like a few weeks ago she was like.. "so what if we dont have sex for a long time"

i was like what the hell. all of sudden she just doesnt want to now. she says that she doesnt think sex should hold us together. and i KNOW it shouldnt. but i beleive its definitaly part of having a serious relationship.

i just think for guys haveing sex and being sexual in a serious relationship is sorta bonding. i understand she can maybe live without it but i seriously have needs. and im going to college next year and im willing to sacrifice oppurtunities to stay with her but she has to understand that if im willing to give myself to her she cant hold back.

i just dont know what to do really.

ive been depressed about it lately. i know u guys will be like "just dump her" and shit. but i cant its not that easy i love her.

i just want things to get better.

dont you believe that at a certain point sex is sorta like adding nails to a strong roof. it makes things better/stronger?

leave me feedback.

thanks.

[allelish]

I'm posting to say i didn't read that. But i will give you this general advice and hope it fits your problem.

Don't worry about it, take each day as it comes.

[cuetheflames]

I'm posting to say i didn't read that. But i will give you this general advice and hope it fits your problem.

Don't worry about it, take each day as it comes.

i have been.

but nothings really changing.

and i cant help but feel like it could be so much better.

[SC0926]

im a bit older than u, but maybe something I have to say will help...I was dating a guy, I was 20, he was 25...things were great with me and him..except he didn't want to have sex, he wasn't that emotional of a guy either, and if I asked, hed get kinda pissy bout it...he told me I never had to question things about me and him, cuse he loved me and bla bla...basically you just gotta talk it out...tell her how you feel, tell her it bothers you that she gets mad if you question it, and such...thats really all that will work....unfortunatly for me and him, we didn't work out(hopefully itll work out much better for you guys....plus we had other problems, but thats for another day...and I have a wonderful guy whom loves me verrry much but again, for another day).

So thats what I guess I would say, just tell her what your telling us...and hope she somewhat understands where your coming from :thumbsup:

[cuetheflames]

im a bit older than u, but maybe something I have to say will help...I was dating a guy, I was 20, he was 25...things were great with me and him..except he didn't want to have sex, he wasn't that emotional of a guy either, and if I asked, hed get kinda pissy bout it...he told me I never had to question things about me and him, cuse he loved me and bla bla...basically you just gotta talk it out...tell her how you feel, tell her it bothers you that she gets mad if you question it, and such...thats really all that will work....unfortunatly for me and him, we didn't work out(hopefully itll work out much better for you guys....plus we had other problems, but thats for another day...and I have a wonderful guy whom loves me verrry much but again, for another day).

So thats what I guess I would say, just tell her what your telling us...and hope she somewhat understands where your coming from :thumbsup:

thanks.

i sorta have.

if i wanna talk stuff out about the sex thing she will just be like... GOD STOP I JUST DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

then thats the end of that. :(

[SC0926]

thanks.

i sorta have.

if i wanna talk stuff out about the sex thing she will just be like... GOD STOP I JUST DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

then thats the end of that. :(
yeah thats no good...shes obviously not comfortable with the idea of sex...even if she did have sex with you....girls are that way...trust me, i am one. For a long time, talking about sex was just something I was comfortable doing, with anyone, but specially my boyfriend...finally at 21, the guy im in a relationship with now got me to open up about it. It may just be the way she was brought up, she may in her subconcious think about sex in a negative way...which is unfortunate....but thats just the way some people are brought up...I honestly dont know what to tell you to make her feel more comfortable about it, other than telling her you love her, and if she ever wants to talk about it, your totally there to help and listen...

[niveK]

You are young, people change, you guys may be growing apart.

I DON'T mean to call you out on your manhood and i really dont want details. How was the sex? (dont really answer, just think about it) How was it for her? was she getting borded of sex? Were you finishing the job? The other day a bunch of us went out for dinner and one girl was talking about how she broke up with her former b/f. He wasnt very good and she was bored, so she denied him sex. Eventually he left her. She didnt want to have to do the breaking up herself so she took the passive route. If the qualitiy is the problem force her to talk about it, guys only get good at sex though practice and feedback.

[cuetheflames]

yeah thats no good...shes obviously not comfortable with the idea of sex...even if she did have sex with you....girls are that way...trust me, i am one. For a long time, talking about sex was just something I was comfortable doing, with anyone, but specially my boyfriend...finally at 21, the guy im in a relationship with now got me to open up about it. It may just be the way she was brought up, she may in her subconcious think about sex in a negative way...which is unfortunate....but thats just the way some people are brought up...I honestly dont know what to tell you to make her feel more comfortable about it, other than telling her you love her, and if she ever wants to talk about it, your totally there to help and listen...

yeah. i just hope it changes.

im really sorta depressed right now.

[allelish]

i have been.

but nothings really changing.

and i cant help but feel like it could be so much better.
haha my aimless advice made sense? sweet.

[cuetheflames]

jesus christ.

this week sucks.

she just keeps finding ways to make me feel like shit.

tonight i asked her to call me so we could talk about all the above^^ because i really wanna make things right and im tired of being so emotionally drained. but she said she didnt wanna argue with me so she wouldnt call. i just think thats so inconsiderate you know? i just wanna talk to her about us and she wouldnt call me.

ugh..

:( i wanna move to thailand.

[Jra1]

you said don't post to say dump her....


but i seriously think that she will soon, it genuinely looks like she's bored/not attracted to you anymore... or at the worst she's found someone else - drop in sex drive and not wanting to argue/talk things out are two of the biggest hints for cheating

[Rebs]

Well, I am one of those unemotional girls, and if she's anything like me I think I can help. The only answer I have is maybe she's afraid of commitment? Is she nervous to let herself get close to you? You really need to sit down and talk it out with her, let her know that you're there to support her either way, but don't push her into doing anything, she'll only respond by detaching herself further.

[save_me]

:/

[Kyle Garchar]

hm

i doubt she is cheating on you, because if she was...everyone would know...i partially think she's afraid of sex...like it's not worth the risk, and maybe she just doesn't get enough pleasure out of it...

about the non-emotional part...i know exactly how you feel...it was the same with danielle and i for a long long time(and it still kinda is) i seem to never get compliments and stuff like that...and for awhile...it seemed like all we had going for us was sex with eachother. we basically worked through it though...so that's my advice to you.

try as hard as possible to work through it

[Kyle Garchar]

what part?

[Melissa Johnson]

Maybe a past experience like sexual abuse (at any age) or being in a bad previous relationship made her be detached and unemotional..I'm not saying it is, but it could be a possibility.

[cuetheflames]

hm

i doubt she is cheating on you, because if she was...everyone would know...i partially think she's afraid of sex...like it's not worth the risk, and maybe she just doesn't get enough pleasure out of it...

about the non-emotional part...i know exactly how you feel...it was the same with danielle and i for a long long time(and it still kinda is) i seem to never get compliments and stuff like that...and for awhile...it seemed like all we had going for us was sex with eachother. we basically worked through it though...so that's my advice to you.

try as hard as possible to work through it

yeah.. i honestly dont even care anymore about it.

yesterday was the worst day of my life.

i just wanna be with her now.