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livingalive626
04/13/09, 08:42 PM
honest opinions please. again, a very personal and emotional piece.

moth holes

understand when I say
im not searching for a god
im searching for You
I know you’re there behind this stillness
above this silence
between the lines im reading tonight.
and when the blackness and you collide
im left in the dark
a dark gray
and I can’t see through this haze
or is it smoke?
because looking in the mirror
its still just me staring back

but when the light fades
and sinks into the west
creating glowing ripples in the Pacific
it’s as if the night is just a blanket
hiding from us something
too brilliant for us to see
yet the stars are holes
giving us a peek
at heaven, at You.
or is it nothingness?

TK
04/14/09, 04:45 PM
First stanza is pretty bland and bad, the second stance is bad as well, however, it does make a slight improvement from the first.

livingalive626
04/15/09, 10:27 AM
haha, well, thank you...although some "deeper" feedback would be nice.

second opinions?