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happy pills
happy pills
04/16/10 at 08:56 PM by .invisible ink.
I decided to write this because i thought maybe my personal struggle with severe clinical depression as well as moderate anxiety and my eventual discovery of how to cure or at least alleviate the symptoms of it without the use of pharmaceuticals might help someone. Yeah, it's kind of personal but hopefully it inspires someone to think outside of the pharmaceutical box.

To preface, I was officially diagnosed as clinically depressed starting at the age of 14 even though i definitely had a low grade depression for most of my life prior to that diagnosis, I took Prozac and Buspar for a few years (with shitty side effects that I did not appreciate - no sex drive anyone? ugh.) before switching to 5-HTP (an amino acid responsible for helping build serotonin, no side effects at all)...[read more]
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06:43 PM on 04/30/10
barkingincision
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if i find that exercise and bodily relaxation, etc, doesn't help me alone, i will def take your advice. my i ask what it was that depressed you so? or what some of the factors were?
i def already eat pretty healthily.
06:58 PM on 04/30/10
.invisible ink.
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if i find that exercise and bodily relaxation, etc, doesn't help me alone, i will def take your advice. my i ask what it was that depressed you so? or what some of the factors were?
i def already eat pretty healthily.
my depression was caused by chemical imbalances due to having a fucked up body (thyroid, ovaries, etc.) i guess. I had lived with depression and more recently anxiety for nearly my entire life.

what you consider eating healthily and what i consider eating healthily may differ. i'm sort of a food nazi about what i put in my body. i don't eat any processed foods, rarely ever eat meat (if i do, it's got to be free-range, organic, or i won't touch it), and eat a lot of wild caught fish as my main source of protein. This may sound weird but I eat like a vegan (mostly vegetables) who eats fish. I rarely ever eat dairy and i don't eat refined carbohydrates like bread and pasta. i'm super strict but it doesn't bother me at all and i'm not perfect all the time. I love to bake and if i have made it myself i know exactly what's in it so i'm okay with doing that once in a while but it's not that often.

anyway, please hit me up anytime. i'm happy to talk more in depth about this stuff off the blog.
08:03 PM on 04/30/10
barkingincision
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my depression was caused by chemical imbalances due to having a fucked up body (thyroid, ovaries, etc.) i guess. I had lived with depression and more recently anxiety for nearly my entire life.

what you consider eating healthily and what i consider eating healthily may differ. i'm sort of a food nazi about what i put in my body. i don't eat any processed foods, rarely ever eat meat (if i do, it's got to be free-range, organic, or i won't touch it), and eat a lot of wild caught fish as my main source of protein. This may sound weird but I eat like a vegan (mostly vegetables) who eats fish. I rarely ever eat dairy and i don't eat refined carbohydrates like bread and pasta. i'm super strict but it doesn't bother me at all and i'm not perfect all the time. I love to bake and if i have made it myself i know exactly what's in it so i'm okay with doing that once in a while but it's not that often.

anyway, please hit me up anytime. i'm happy to talk more in depth about this stuff off the blog.
nothing weird about it. i don't think i could ever change to eat in that fashion, but dietary supplements might be considered. i think my main deal is the need to get out and really push my body to new boundaries. i'm healthy but i could always be more athletic, healthier, etc... and i think approaching it in that sense is the key to overcoming anxiety as normalcy. i feel like i live in a constant cautious state, where everything i do is pre-thought out and calculated, i overthink everything.
08:20 PM on 04/30/10
.invisible ink.
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nothing weird about it. i don't think i could ever change to eat in that fashion, but dietary supplements might be considered. i think my main deal is the need to get out and really push my body to new boundaries. i'm healthy but i could always be more athletic, healthier, etc... and i think approaching it in that sense is the key to overcoming anxiety as normalcy. i feel like i live in a constant cautious state, where everything i do is pre-thought out and calculated, i overthink everything.
I can kind of relate to what you're saying about premeditating everything, especially in regard to social situations. i definitely was like that for a long time and honestly can't remember a day when i didn't get extremely anxious right before arriving at high school daily, just as an example. it's nice though that i haven't really felt that way in months although i tend to avoid potential panic attack situations like going to a crowded street fair (the last time i did that (a little over a year ago) i freaked out and felt like i was going to have a heart attack, i couldn't get out of there fast enough). I'm not quite ready to test myself in those trigger situations yet but i will have to eventually.

the great thing about feeling better mentally for me is that it led to better physical health. i started getting the urge to go running whereas when i was feeling shitty, i would force myself to work out once in a while but i wasn't really a fan. now i love running and that in turn inspired me to quit smoking cigarettes so i could run better and breathe better. smoking was something i had relied on as a stress management tool (one which i knew was detrimental but i didn't care because i needed it). i quit cold turkey a few months ago and haven't relapsed since. i crave them once in a while but it's not that bad and generally passes quickly.

i definitely think you can take baby steps with the choices you make to improve your mental health and overall well being. i don't think there is any one right way of doing things but i do believe that your body is one wholly functioning system and by only treating it by taking one chemical or pharmaceutical and keeping the rest of your habits the same you are not really working with your entire self to get healthier overall.
08:34 PM on 04/30/10
barkingincision
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I can kind of relate to what you're saying about premeditating everything, especially in regard to social situations. i definitely was like that for a long time and honestly can't remember a day when i didn't get extremely anxious right before arriving at high school daily, just as an example. it's nice though that i haven't really felt that way in months although i tend to avoid potential panic attack situations like going to a crowded street fair (the last time i did that (a little over a year ago) i freaked out and felt like i was going to have a heart attack, i couldn't get out of there fast enough). I'm not quite ready to test myself in those trigger situations yet but i will have to eventually.

the great thing about feeling better mentally for me is that it led to better physical health. i started getting the urge to go running whereas when i was feeling shitty, i would force myself to work out once in a while but i wasn't really a fan. now i love running and that in turn inspired me to quit smoking cigarettes so i could run better and breathe better. smoking was something i had relied on as a stress management tool (one which i knew was detrimental but i didn't care because i needed it). i quit cold turkey a few months ago and haven't relapsed since. i crave them once in a while but it's not that bad and generally passes quickly.

i definitely think you can take baby steps with the choices you make to improve your mental health and overall well being. i don't think there is any one right way of doing things but i do believe that your body is one wholly functioning system and by only treating it by taking one chemical or pharmaceutical and keeping the rest of your habits the same you are not really working with your entire self to get healthier overall.
i agree. much of my stressers occur via genetics. my mom is very similar to me, in that she's always cautious, never wants to commit to anything, or push herself. i can't blame her, because she's getting to be at a certain age where she doesn't have to worry about that stuff. but i'm young and i want to be able to relax and party and date and do things i used to do in high school. it's gotten to a weird point. my main worries occur from body image. i used to weigh about 170 / 175 at my 5'11" height and lost tons of weight in 2006 due to stomach illness. i never really cared about body image then, so i honestly didn't realize how skinny i'd gotten, at least not according to my actual height. i take a lot of shit for it but i wasn't always this way, that's what pains me the most. majority of my anxiety emerges from that, and inflicts itself onto everything else that i do, whether it's when i'm with friends or in public, with a girl or just chillin in lecture classes at school, i'm always conscious of what i say, do and feel, and selfishly, constantly think about whatever it is i'm doing at that moment.

this summer i'm going to try to gain my weight back. i'm far too skinny for my height and while things could always be worse, i just have a really weird frame with my height, it's genetic and made me really self-conscious. i'm at 150 now and have a whole gym plan set up, but i always have doubts and fears that i won't accomplish my goals before the school semester starts once again, even though it's my desire to work as hard as possible and focus on it.
05:34 AM on 05/01/10
.invisible ink.
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i agree. much of my stressers occur via genetics. my mom is very similar to me, in that she's always cautious, never wants to commit to anything, or push herself. i can't blame her, because she's getting to be at a certain age where she doesn't have to worry about that stuff. but i'm young and i want to be able to relax and party and date and do things i used to do in high school. it's gotten to a weird point. my main worries occur from body image. i used to weigh about 170 / 175 at my 5'11" height and lost tons of weight in 2006 due to stomach illness. i never really cared about body image then, so i honestly didn't realize how skinny i'd gotten, at least not according to my actual height. i take a lot of shit for it but i wasn't always this way, that's what pains me the most. majority of my anxiety emerges from that, and inflicts itself onto everything else that i do, whether it's when i'm with friends or in public, with a girl or just chillin in lecture classes at school, i'm always conscious of what i say, do and feel, and selfishly, constantly think about whatever it is i'm doing at that moment.

this summer i'm going to try to gain my weight back. i'm far too skinny for my height and while things could always be worse, i just have a really weird frame with my height, it's genetic and made me really self-conscious. i'm at 150 now and have a whole gym plan set up, but i always have doubts and fears that i won't accomplish my goals before the school semester starts once again, even though it's my desire to work as hard as possible and focus on it.
just do your best. the funny thing is, most people are unhappy about the way they look (myself strongly included) but the thing is, most often, we care more about the way we look than others do. This is not always the case but it stands to reason that the girl that you're with is probably having the same sort of issues with her own body as you do with yours and probably thinks you're just fine the way you are. I know that I personally love skinny guys, 150 at 5'11 sounds perfect to me, but everyone feels better at a different size, and that is ultimately a personal decision. Just stick to what you want to do to improve yourself for you and try try try to block out other people's negative input, it doesn't help anyone.
01:13 PM on 05/01/10
barkingincision
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just do your best. the funny thing is, most people are unhappy about the way they look (myself strongly included) but the thing is, most often, we care more about the way we look than others do. This is not always the case but it stands to reason that the girl that you're with is probably having the same sort of issues with her own body as you do with yours and probably thinks you're just fine the way you are. I know that I personally love skinny guys, 150 at 5'11 sounds perfect to me, but everyone feels better at a different size, and that is ultimately a personal decision. Just stick to what you want to do to improve yourself for you and try try try to block out other people's negative input, it doesn't help anyone.
thanks for the kind words. i completely get what you are saying, and i agree, though much of what you said is easier said than done. i dwell on negativity a lot, it eats away at me all the time. so until i really push myself and my body i don't think i can really invest in overcoming these issues solely / mentally alone.
01:26 PM on 05/01/10
.invisible ink.
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thanks for the kind words. i completely get what you are saying, and i agree, though much of what you said is easier said than done. i dwell on negativity a lot, it eats away at me all the time. so until i really push myself and my body i don't think i can really invest in overcoming these issues solely / mentally alone.
meeeee tooo x100000. everything worthwhile in life is far easier said than done. i would certainly start with just simply taking vitamins, especially Vitamin D. You'd be amazed at how many people are deficient in this essential vitamin and have absolutely no idea. Once you get your Vitamin D levels up to a healthy range (which will take a few months of taking 5,000 IU/day) I guaranty that there will be at least a small improvement in your overall feeling of well being.
03:35 PM on 05/01/10
barkingincision
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meeeee tooo x100000. everything worthwhile in life is far easier said than done. i would certainly start with just simply taking vitamins, especially Vitamin D. You'd be amazed at how many people are deficient in this essential vitamin and have absolutely no idea. Once you get your Vitamin D levels up to a healthy range (which will take a few months of taking 5,000 IU/day) I guaranty that there will be at least a small improvement in your overall feeling of well being.
vitamin D is the sun-related one right? is that in vegetables too or is that vitamin E? there's pills like centrum that have all of these right?
03:57 PM on 05/01/10
.invisible ink.
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vitamin D is the sun-related one right? is that in vegetables too or is that vitamin E? there's pills like centrum that have all of these right?
Vitamin D is the one you get from the sun. You can get Vitamin E and K and a billion other vitamins from vegetables. I don't recommend taking a multivitamin personally. I think they're fine if you're totally healthy and don't have deficiencies (which is rare for most of the population) but I don't honestly believe that everyone can take a "one size fits all" pill and benefit.
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