lying in bed at night, do you ever get that feeling of total serenity? just lying there in the dark with a stupid grin on your face, and not really knowing why its there? maybe listening to some good music(last night mine was a combination of imogen heap, number one gun, and the static age) and just letting thoughts flow in whatever random path they choose? how great is that sensation?
the calm before the storm. sometimes it may seem like that. especially when you start to have an idea about what it is exactly you have put onto your plate, and how happy you are, that for once, you decided to be real real hungry.
nothing could satisfy that appetite, but knowing its there is just as comforting. means youre awake, and aware to your surroundings that much more. and thats a good thing!
last night was just one of those nights for me. the stars aligned, and things just made sense finally. theyve sort of been coming into a clearer light over the past couple of weeks, but last night was the kicker for some reason. the moment was just right enough to realize that soon, i would be stepping to the threshold of whatever it is ive been waiting for. i just feel that flood ready to break loose, and i cant wait for it.
its almost one of those double edged sword feelings though. on one hand, you think, "no good can come of this..just defeat and dismay." but on the other you think, "..but who cares? this is what i want. it could be so much more beautiful than i ever imagined. so to hell with it. im going for it!"
that reckless abandon is something ive come to love over the past few years, even though until just recently ive kinda been dragging my feet. not avoiding whats to come mind you, but just preparing for what i knew would come all along. i wanted to make sure i was ready and not thrust into something i wasnt prepared to handle at all costs. i finally feel im to that point. after much soul searching, and unconscious battles of the mind, i cant will myself to wait anymore.
do you ever feel so strongly about something like that? if so, the next question that must surely come to mind, is whats next then? what do i do to set it all off and begin?
just walk through the door. into a new day, a new light, a new sky. youre perception of everything surrounding you has already changed inside, so why would these things all not be seen in a new light outside? a brighter more clarity driven light. with acceptance.
the time for thinking and preparation is over. now its time to move onto phase two. and i welcome it wholly.
enjoy the calm before the storm. it brings good tidings sometimes, and most of all, that clarity to see whats been overlooked.
todays clarifying moment: a single butterfly fluttering along my side while walking. two separate beings, one destination:to move forward and progress.
good day to all.
ps. im looking for some good recommendations of reading material. im currently reading the dark tower series from stephen king and am on book four-wizard and glass(questions or comments?), and also some books from chuck palahniuk, but im looking for some new things to add to the list. hit me up with any input.