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I have a love/hate relationship with nostalgia...
|I have a love/hate relationship with nostalgia...|
01/07/10 at 09:54 PM by oneletteraway
|Ok, well last time I said I would tell the story of me and my newest ex-girlfriend...so here it goes.|
I met her when I was making my attempt at doing a social activity not involving playing music (this pleases the parental units greatly) in a bowling alley, where she commented that since I was a good bowler I must in fact be gay. This intrigued me enough to talk to her some more and decide that not only was she attractive, she also made me laugh. A lot. So when we returned to boarding school in January, we kept talking until one night she finally asked me point blank during a text conversation "Do you have feelings for anybody in school?" After consulting my friends, and receiving useless help ("Tell her you want to do Ms. Black!", "Ask her if you can fuck her with a rake!", etc), I finally posed the reply "What would you do if I said that I have feelings for you?". She responded "I would probably admit to you that I've liked you since the moment I saw you." And things went from there. After getting a rocky start, being off and on for a month or so, we became on of the most stable couples in the school. Things were going swell until we hit a rather large snag-my parents hated her. Naturally, we went to a boarding school, so that didn't stop us. We kept seeing each other, and things began to get really serious. I was very up front about the fact that, with me being a senior and her a junior, there was going to be a rather large snag when I left at the end of the year, mainly that I would be returning stateside, and she would be remaining overseas to finish school. She said that it didn't bother her one bit, that she wanted to stay together. This even continued to the point of her stating that she wanted to marry me, and have my children. As you can imagine, me being pretty damned in love with her, this made me sooo happy. So we lived on in this way, happier with each other than we'd ever been with anybody else. Then the 4th of July happened. We both attended the celebration in our town, intending to meet up with friends and meet some new arrivals. Prior to going, I had learned that one of the guys we would be meeting was a homosexual. My girlfriend had no clue. You can imagine my surprise when she ditched me early on in the night to intensely hit on him, to my consternation and his distress. Afterwards, she stated that she had guessed at his orientation and was fascinated by him. I had reservations, but I didn't press the issue. We dated right up until the time of my departure, when we said that our goodbyes weren't really goodbyes, cause we'd be together forever. I flew back stateside, set up my new house, and eventually moved into my dorm at college. During this period I would message her daily, just to make her feel like she was still just as big a part of my life as she was when we were physically together. However, this was not reciprocated at all. After time, the messages slowed, became more vague, then eventually became vehicles for her to talk about this character named "Charlie", who had amazing hair, and an awesome car, etc. Eventually she stopped telling me that she loved me. This only made me redouble my efforts to remind her why she had fallen in love with me in the first place. This fell on deaf ears obviously, as I started getting messages from her friends asking if we had broken up, cause they had seen her with other guys. Then one day, I talked to her sister, who explained that "Although she didn't really want to have this conversation, we really need to talk". I couldn't reach her on her phone, so I was forced to break up with her in a message. I was very sincere in explaining that I didn't want to break up, but it was obvious that she was not as committed to our relationship as I was. Her response: "Oh well." Not even two days later, she changed her facebook information from being in a relationship with me to being in a relationship with "Charlie". I did promise to be friends with her, however, every time we talk now, I become so frustrated at how much she has changed since we were together. So I'm left here now, in a college with a roughly 8:1 boy/girl ratio, alone and frustrated. She has moved between boyfriends like a human bullet train on speed, and still seems intent on saying things both to me and ambiguously on facebook that are designed to poke holes in my self esteem. And sadly, it's working. All my friends have given their best efforts to pick me up from this, and I love them more than they know, but they can only do so much. So that is it. That's the story. I'm really tired now, I can't process any question or stupid shit like that at this point, I just want to her to either want me back or get the fuck out of my head.