Her friend broke up with me for her today. By text.
Seriously. What the fuck?
That's all I wanted to shout. But I didn't say that. Instead I struggled to say everything that is needed to be said in those fleeting moments where it feels like everything is blowing away from you. And you only have a second to grasp out and hold on to what you can.
But it is never enough. Everyone always gives up.
The answers never come. The goodbyes never get said. No matter how much you want them. It's in her hands. She won't say it.
She won't say anything. She won't even talk to me.
How do you claim to care for someone for eight months? How do you say everything that means the world to someone and then just wake up one morning and decided to throw it all away?
How do you decide it never meant anything?
Everything I said to her was sincere. I told her that. I thought we had moved past our only issue. Her lips touched mine five six seven times. I did not count. I did not think I needed to.
But they all counted. I know they did. How do you smile into a person and not be genuine about it?
I asked her if we were going to see each other again. She said yes. And after a heartbeat, she said soon.
I believed in her. I cared about her. I still do. That doesn't erase. Maybe over time it will. And I won't care.
More than anything I don't want to not care.
I could feel it. She was the girl I did not want to say goodbye to. I can still feel her against me.