ok, so after a couple of spins, i've fallen in love with the new Motion City Soundtrack album, absolutely genius. Worker Bee, Pulp Fiction, Delirium, Hysteria...there are no bad songs!
That said, I guess it's only fitting that as I have discovered such a brutally honest record, I have to be brutally honest with myself. I really have no clue what I want. Sure, having a plan is great and everything, but nothing really matches going through life and rolling with the punches, enjoying the fast times for what they are, just living it up for as long as I can. Is it healthy? Who knows. Don't really care though, truth is I think I'm in love with crashing. Feeling the wind rushing through my hair, that moment of panic where I know I'm gonna hit rock bottom, oblivion, then picking myself up again. If things were ever different, I don't think I would know how to handle it. Whether it's sitting there writing terrible songs in an old notebook or hugging a toilet bowl wishing I was dead, the joy of recovery far outweighs the resignation of crashing. It's an awful cycle, but I'm okay with it.