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I Don't Think I'm Ready for this Jelly
I Don't Think I'm Ready for this Jelly
04/30/08 at 12:01 PM by G apostrophe Ra
Does anyone remember those "All Fruit" commercials from the nineties? If you don't, All Fruit was this none too spectacular alternative to jam or jelly that you could spread on toast, bagels, or your balls or whatever, and the primary element of its ad campaign was something about how it was the epitome of sophistication and refinement, and by it eating you became this aristocratic, blue-blooded snob and got to feel better than everyone else.

In the commercials, a bunch of old white people would sit around a table in ritzy looking outfits and say "pass the All Fruit" to each other repeatedly whilst an eager, grinning, bumpkin-looking guy smacked his lips in anticipation for his turn with the stuff. Finally, when there's a pause in all the requests for the All Fruit, the poor guy goes "wouldja please pass the jelly?" and all the old white people in the scene emit sounds of grief and outrage at his calling the precious All Fruit "jelly". I think it was supposed to be funny and encourage you to buy it so that you, too, could have a superiority complex, but it always kind of pissed me off because I empathized with the bumpkin-looking guy. I mean hell, he said please. He seemed perfectly good-natured to me.

Today I have felt like that guy since the moment I woke up, but I suppose that's sort of like empathizing with the "Trix" rabbit, and I think I read in a Chuck Klosterman essay that in a survey of adult Americans nationwide, an overwhelming majority said the kids should just get over themselves and give the rabbit some damn cereal.
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