To be an ambulance driver. Or something like that. A doctor. Helping all these people, and being the greatest thing in the world for them. And then they get better and go back to their lives. For a while. Until they hurt themselves again. You see them for a moment. One couldn't get emotionally attached to them. Or a psychologist. But one would, wouldn't one. I could never be that. Just jabbering on about nonsensical things and helping them feel better so they can go have fun again. Never. Could I do that.
So a teacher then? that's so much better? All these kids running around and you see them and you want to take care of them cause you see they need it. And. You just can't. I'd need to teach older kids. But really... I. Don't like the sound of it. I'd enjoy it, sure. Certainly. But I'm not sure I want to do that. Because. What is teaching. Making people into the people you see everyday. Could say that it's important. Could say that hey you're ruining the world.
How do you enact specialness in a world like this, with no knights, dragons, duels, so on? In a world with six billion inhabitants. First thought to cross my mind is that I don't want to help them, as they don't deserve it. But then.. it fades.. into all these wonderful people. What a doom, aye. To be born a human. Instinctively loving human beings. And on their own, they are wonderful. But they'd all die on their own. And together they are. The greatest horror to befall... man?
Maybe I should just become a professor of mathematics at Christ Church. Start taking photos. Making visits. Go on a little boat trip. Enact my fantasy. Write a book about a little girl and a white rabbit. A future? Well. He was a brilliant mathematician yet he is remembered only for those two books. I don't really care about being remembered by the entire world... What I do care about is doing something to it. Thing is, I don't know what... And chances are, when i find out, I'll be far too old and wise to tell anyone.