|'s Blog|| | |
time and distance
|time and distance|
07/12/10 at 02:05 PM by sjb2k1
|can't take either. too much free time on my hands. too much chaos. too loud of a radio playing in my head, squawking all my insecurities/fear back at me.|
but new Kev Dev sounds great and it made me feel better for a bit. not as much right now.
i'm running out of anxiety meds for this month and that scares me. i swear i didn't take as many as it seems, based on what i have left. my stomach's in knots, i'm having trouble eating, i'm having trouble sleeping, and i have too much free time.
i put it all out there, type out all my feelings, and i have no patience, no time to wait, but god i have so much free time.
so much free time, but no time to wait for a reply.
i made three goals for myself today. i think they are attainable:
1. go to more AA meetings, or at least don't punk out on the two i like
2. work out more (walk the dog more)
3. finish refinishing the deck by the fall
right now though i am battling laziness and depression and my pills are not working, and i am nearly out of the ones that do. not even anti-depressants can take all of these feelings away, and make me feel just a bit more secure.
i hope tonight i can fall asleep with a smile on my face. without lying to myself to make it so.