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merry 1st christmas
merry 1st christmas
12/25/10 at 07:51 PM by .invisible ink.

I'll fake it through the day
With some help from Johnny Walker Red
Send the poison brain down the drain
To put bad thoughts in my head
Your two tickets torn in half
And a lot of nothing to do
Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do?

A man in the park
Read the lines in my hand
Told me I'm strong
Hardly ever wrong I said man you mean

You had plans for both of us
That involved a trip out of town
To a place I've seen in a magazine
That you left lying around
I don't have you with me
But I keep a good attitude
Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do?

I know you'd rather see me gone
Than to see me the way that I am
But I am in the life anyway

Next door the TV's flashing
Blue frames on the wall
It's a comedy of errors, you see
It's about taking a fall
To vanish into oblivion
Is easy to do
And I try to be but you know me
I come back when you want me to
Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do?

fuck. everything is spinning out of control. i set myself up for this but i selfishly just wanted to be with you and now i'm drowning in tears alone on Christmas. i don't know what to do. with every apology i hear i see no changes and now i find out that you don't even trust me even though i've done nothing to instigate this. i'm not sure what to do. i know i'm supposed to end things but i don't think i'm strong enough to do it and so i'll justify the fuck out of not doing it to myself and will continue this twisted roller coaster ride. nothing is going to change with you or us, is it? I'm really just postponing the inevitable and the thought of that breaks my heart to pieces. i must somehow bring this shit on myself but fuck if i know how or why.
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