|'s Blog|| | |
What Have We Done?
|What Have We Done?|
04/21/11 at 11:54 PM by KingOfSpain
|When we met, you told me you already knew me.|
When we started hanging out, you told me about yourself. I can't say that I was ready to hear about all of your exes, but I took it as a sign of trust...a sign of you wanting to share yourself with me.
When we started talking about what we wanted our futures to look like, I felt like you were including me in your life. I felt like you wanted me along for the ride.
When we stopped hanging out, I felt at ease. I was worried about falling for someone so soon, and the silence between us didn't hurt. If anything it helped end the confusion. I felt like I could move on.
When we started talking again, you told me what you were thinking. You told me that me taking you out for coffee felt too much like a relationship, and you weren't ready for that. You were scared of not knowing what you wanted and risking it all on me.
When you told me that, I told you that I had feelings for you. We defined the relationship, realized that we should just be friends, and moved on.
When you told me that our friendship felt too much like a relationship, I made an effort to avoid those situations. I wanted you to feel comfortable, not scared.
When you wanted to meet my family, spend all night talking, and send me letters, I was cautious. Those weren't things that I did with all of my other girl friends. I didn't understand what you were after.
When I decided to stop pursuing the possibility of a relationship with you, you pursued me instead. I wanted it and hated it at the same time.
When you told me that you wanted to live with some of your guy friends for the summer, I was hurt. I knew that I didn't have say over what you did, but I felt disrespected. You knew how I felt about you, and you had to know that that would hurt me.
When I told you that that was a stupid idea, you listened. You thought about it. You agreed.
When I told you that I was ready to stop caring about what people thought of me, you told me not to give up. I told you that I had no one to impress. You told me that maybe I did, and I just didn't know it.
When I said goodbye, you held me. I tried not to think too much of that moment, but how was I supposed to avoid those feelings?
When we spent all day talking on the phone today, I felt like I was making a mistake. I felt like I was wasting your time. I felt like the conversation would end eventually, but you just fell asleep on me.
When I wrote down what I was thinking, I read it and I realized that I love you.
When I wrote down what I was thinking, I read it and I realized that you probably love me too. But we're both too scared to admit it.
When I see you again, I'll know for sure.