I have been a daughter, a granddaughter, a girlfriend, a friend, and now I am a mother. I would have to say that, it is probably one of the best feelings that anybody could possibly have, seeing the little person that you gave life too. It is for sure one of the more special things in life! I never pictured myself as a mommy, for so long I didn't even think it was possible for me to conceive. But I guess it just wasn't the right place, right time or right person when I was attempting to have a baby.
It is hard to believe that he is already two month's old today, it seems like yesterday I was in the hospital, admiring my new baby boy, anticipating bringing him home from the hospital, and starting our new life as a family. But he is getting so big so fast, he is now 11 pounds almost, and smiling and being more alert, its crazy to watch with your own eyes how much they change over just a few months.
I got him a play gym yesterday after work, and he loves it, even though Christopher says that he only kicks the ball on accident, I like to think that he is doing it because he wants to play!
We are trying to find our own house to live in, if I have to live with his parents for any longer I am going to crazy, especially when his dad is trying to milk money out of his, over my dead body will I hand him even a penny. Which sounds a little inconsiderate that I would like to live in his house for free. But I don't feel like I do, I do 100% of the cleaning on the house, nobody does a damn thing but me. I watch Chris's brother constantly, for free. I have my son on their food stamps which provides their fat asses 150 extra dollars to eat on a month.
I am just wanting to get out and away from them, be in my own environment, and it just be me, my son and Chris. I feel like our relationship would grow a lot more if it were just me and him on our own, and we didn't have to worry about it anymore.
I like having a new job due to needing to make money, but I hate being away from Zander! It drives me insane that I am stuck here all day and that I don't get to see him until have work! Plus it is just such a far drive home that I anticipate it for a long time. Which i am constantly bored at work because I work in an office, (which gives me the time to update the journal!)
I am constantly tired because of this job to, but I suppose that is apart of life, and I am going to have to get used to it.
Who knew money was so stressful though, as a kid I remember saying always "but it's only 10.99" now I am like a Nazi "What! 11 bucks, these people are out of their minds." I am constantly trying to weigh my budget and wonder if it something that will bite me in the ass later if I purchase it. Hopefully money issues will start looking up for me, and me and Chris will both have jobs, and be happy and healthy. Even though I am sure a lot of people would think "Yeah right, perfect world" I can wish on it at least can't I!?