Ugh, I just wish I could get myself in a god mood, and stay there
stay positive about things and just be happy with my life.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my son, and my relationship and things at home.
I am just not happy with other things going on in my life right now.
I am tired of letting my grandma step all over me, and act like I am treating her so terrible.
I try to be calm and respectful to her, and she just blows up on me about nothing, and it is really stressing me out.
So I have came to the very hard conclusion that I am going to cut ties, if it is what I have to do to stay happy then I
will do it, I do not want my mood affecting mine and Chris's relationship, and my attitude while I am taking care of my son
I am really stressed about money to, I seem to always be broke, and when I start to save money
something goes wrong with my car, or something else needs paid for, its crazy!
I am still working on getting money and I replaced my fuel pump two weeks ago that 300 buck's killed me.
On a positive note, Chris starts working this week, so we will have more money to play with, and Christmas is coming up
so I can actually afford to get Zander stuff, and make this a great first Christmas, and a good one for me and Chris,
even though I still have not decided what I am going to get him for Christmas yet decisions hmm..
We have also been talking about getting married a lot lately, I don't want to rush into things and it go down hill,
but I know he is the one I want to be with, and I know that I love him so what more am I waiting for.
I was thinking getting married around July, which is when our 2 year anniversary will be and Zander will be walking then so he could
take part in our wedding, which would be more special. It also gives me the opportunity to plan, start getting everything ready, and
use some of our tax money to cover the expenses. We also need to get wedding bands, I was thinking some white gold bands with our names engraved in it for now until we can afford something better, but either way the bands would be good enough and satisfying enough for me.
I am ready to start a life and have a family though and settle down and experience a completely different side of life
it is just the matter of taking it step by step to get there, not rushing in, and going over my head and doing things I can't afford.
We will see how everything plays out though, I am not completely sure on how he feels about the situation anyhow I think he might be a little uncomfortable, so I think I want to let him take his time, and let him decide when he thinks the time is right
Either way we are still together at the end of the day so it isn't going to upset me to wait longer.
UGH I am sitting at work obviously bored since I find the time to rant and rave on here for endless hours,
doesn't even seem to help the time go by any faster though :/
I just want to go home with my boy's and relax for a while, and then try to get the house cleaned up
and then just play with my baby boy, if I could choose what I do I would totally stay at home and be a stay at home mommy, but I don't have that option! ARG