I am so stoked for this weekend and this week, for the first time since Zander has been born I am going to be able to just
sit down and releax, and spend and entire 7 day's with my baby boy. I have been going non stop always having something to do ,even
on my days off for work, but this week I am setting everything aside and enjoying my time.
Not to mention I get the entire week with my little man, which is great I haven't gotten to do that in a while.
I just want everything to go back to the way it was before Zander was born, but with him here.
I want me and Chris to get along better, I want to not be so stressed out all the time about everything.
I just want me and my family to be happy together, enjoy the time we have together, and live life!
I am however getting fed up with my ex's messaging me like nothing has changed, " OH I miss you," it's like HELLO, since we broke up
I have, had a baby, gotten engaged, gotten my life together with a car, a job, and a stable place to live, and what are you doing? OHH Still partying, still jobless, homeless, and carless, and still in the same situation you were when I left your sorry ass. Seriously what does he think is so apealing about the situation, he screwed me out of my aprtment, and I had a really ruff year trying to bounce back, and then he expect for an apology and an I miss you to be good enough? I even tried telling him nicely that I have a family and I have to conisder and worry about their feelings in every move I make, and that hanging out was not good. My goodness I have so much hate in me built up about the sitatuion
But I am glad it all happened, if it didn't I would of never met Chris, I would of never had Zander, and who knows where my life would be right now, probably settling for nothing, and partying all the time, something I no longer do and I feel so much better now that I don't. my mind is more clear, I can think straight, I can take care of myself, everything is working out perfect. The choices we make in life, is what makes us who we are, I have learnt from my mistakes and would never repeat them.
Which is why I hate that Chris is so paranoid that I am going to cheat on him, what reasons do I have? He has given me the best thing anybody else could not have done, and that is my baby boy, he has taken care of me, given me a place to life, considered my feeling, changed his entire life around for me and his baby, he has been a wonderful dad, and good support system, he doesn't beat me, drink or do drugs. He is the best thing I could of ever asked for. But even if I tell him these things 1000 times over, it wouldn't make a difference. I may have cheated on people in the past, but since then, I have grown up, experienced, someone that actually loves me the way I do them, experienced becoming a mommy, and for the first time in 5 years sobriety, back then when I was cheating, I had nothing to lose, and i was constantly doing drugs and drinking my mind was not on straight, plus my choice in guys was just horrible!
Really though I feel like I have had a year to gain his trust. I have been good to him, I have tried to be the best girlfriend I can be, and give him my all, I am a good mom I think I deserve the trust I wouldn't even conisder screwing up my family, that I have worked so hard for, and tried my best to keep happy. I hope overtime though he will get more comfortable with me not going to cheat on him. I guess I just have to show people how much I have changed, and how much I was to remain on the right track with my life, I don't want to end up single, with a baby by myself, working constantly to support us, trying to figure out how to afford a place and stuff for my baby, I would rather be with someone I love, and care about rather than risk losing it, and being all alone, everything right now is perfect, except for the arguing but that is never going to completly stop!
Other than some minor things stressing me out, such as money, work, a car situation for Chris's new job, and mine, I can't complain to much with my life. I have a good supportive family, I have my baby boy, and Christopher, I have a roof over our heads and hopeefully be purchasing this house here soon. We will be making great money here soon when he starts getting a paycheck with mine added onto it. We are faithful, and happy together. We don't fight the way I did with some of my other ex's. I think my life is going in a good positve direction. I suppose I need a few loyal and supportive friends, but these day's can't really expect that out of people ,and it will probably just end up with drama, plus if I have friends to hang out with, then I won't have as much time to spend with Chris especially with this new job he has, we are hardly going to be able to see eachother
AND now that I have my photography business started, which I am super stoked about I can start making extra cash on the side, as soon as I build up my clients more, and start getting more business, even though I am afraid it might be on hold a bit because winter is approaching and I doubt people wants to stand out in the snow for 30 minutes to an hour taking pictures, all though it would make for a pretty picture! : D.
I need more time to continue practicing anyhow, and there are a few other things I really need to focus on, before I get to involved, I need to continue on with my job with Mr. Handyman and I need to start getting here on time, and do my job because without this job me and Chris wouldn't of done so good these past 4 month's.