Sitting here listening to the bow slide over the strings, I can hear the fingernails scrape against the metal and it pulls from me emotions I thought I had long since buried. Every note pushes a feeling from within that I wish my tongue had the capability of expressing. I doubt I'll ever be clever enough to write anything that rivals the way you can make your instrument sing. But, this is what I needed, this is where I feel safe. This is where I can escape my own head, where I can see color reemerge in my black and white future, and where I - for a moment - can feel the fear of vulnerability dissipate.
Yet, never completely.
It's still there, it's still in the back of my mind ... hovering like a cancer. Stalking the recesses of my brain. How do I let myself go when I know where that could lead me? How do I even begin to open up that part of me?