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What if it's all on me?
|What if it's all on me?|
10/11/08 at 11:05 PM by hockeyguitar99
|September was a roller coaster ride (that probably started somewhere in hell). I fell head-over-heels for one of my friends, asked her to homecoming and she said yes. I was ignored for a great deal of the dance (which we were at for around an hour), but we went back to my friends house and talked for a really long time. So, I thought about asking her out after that, but I guessed it would be best to just not do anything. Ever since then, I've spent most of my time sitting listening to intricate, simple. beautiful music, which has been nice. But leaving myself to the wrath of my thoughts and feelings was not. I've probably forced myself through a lot of this, for my own twisted introspective curiosities. I wish I could figure out how I think, so I could predict what happens next. However, as I sit her right now listening to Minus The Bear (a little more complicated, it adds flavor) I'm still flipping through ever possible scenario if I ask her out. We hung out and talked for a while yesterday, but I can't tell what she thinks of me. If she were to say yes, I'd be on top of the fucking world, but if she said no, I'd probably just listen to a lot of Bright Eyes (and I mean a lot of Bright Eyes) and eventually move on. Either way, I just need to know what she thinks, this ignorance is killing me. I figure that most of this is just me screwing myself up, maybe I think more because of it, or maybe it's hurting me in some other way. I don't know, and I don't think there is any possible way to find out. It's 1 in the morning and I could easily spend another hour thinking, and probably will. Fuck this. It's all my own mind fucking with me, but there is nothing I can do about it, I'm probably in too deep, but I don't know what else to do. If you have any suggestions a comment or PM would be great.|