She listens to me. She listens to me bitch about Lizzy. Shelby LISTENS to me. Knowing full well that we have slight feelings for each other. I tell her about the crying video. I can tell Shelby is holding back judgment for my sake. She simply says, "Wow, that is cruel."
But I know Shelby thinks Lizzy is a bit crazy. I know Shelby wants to tell me that I deserve someone better. Someone like her.
But we talk. And after I vent for about an hour we end up talking about other stuff. I get into my family issues and my friend issues and just my issues in general. We open up to each other. I feel like she understands me and I feel like she cares. She always has empathy and compassion in her voice. She makes me smile after I thought I'd punch my pillow until I fell asleep.
It is 3am. She says, "I LOVE cheesecake! I'm totally craving it right now."
Before I even think, I say, "I love cheesecake too! Let's go get some right now!"
She thinks I'm joking. I should've said I was.
But I wasn't. And I didn't say I was.
I tell her, "Let's go get Cheesecake right now. We'll go to Winco (Grocery Store open 24 hours). I'll come pick you up right now. Are you down?"
She finally agrees.
So I get ready and get my stuff together. My brother makes this a bit difficult because he never goes to bed at a decent hour and is still in my living room. I tell her he needs his sleeping pill and give it to him. Then I say I'm going to go to the ATM and get some money. I figure he'll be out by the time I get back.
I get in my car. The night is cold and slightly rainy. I drive to Shelby's house. We text while I drive there. She makes sure her parents are asleep and tells me to text when I get there so she could climb out her window.
I get to her street and park at the end of it. I turn my lights off. I'm shivering, not from cold, but from anxiousness. I tell her that I'm here and she climbs out her window and walks down the street. I see her shadow in the dimly lit night. She gets to my car and gets in. We immediately start smiling. We immediately start messing with each other. Sarcastic comments, jokes, banter. We start developing inside jokes, even carrying a few over from the previous times we've hung out. We drive to the grocery store.
I try to not look at her. She's in PJs and basically ready for bed. She looks gorgeous. Her face is flawless. Her hair is short and messy. Her personality is unbelievably attractive.
I want to kiss her. But I don't.
We get to Winco. We walk in and no one is there except for the workers doing their thing. We walk around the entire store looking for cheesecake. We finally find this premade cheesecake platter with 5 different flavors. It is perfect. We continue our banter the whole time we are in the store. Finally, we get to the register and a woman rings us up. We acknowledge the woman but continue our banter.
The woman interjects, "What is up with you two?"
"You two are talking all this nonsense. What kind of relationship is this? You two should just go and have some fun. Go be young and have some fun with each other."
Shelby and I laugh. I tell the woman that we will have plenty of fun, now that we have cheesecake. As we walk out, I say, "The first time we are out together and we already look like a couple."
Shelby acknowledges, silently and seriously.
I suggest we go back to my place to eat the cheesecake. She agrees.
I still want to kiss her. More than ever. I don't.
I slip something out that I knew I shouldn't have. But I said it anyway.
"You know, I should tell you. I've never met Lizzy. She lives in New York. We met online and we are going to meet in person in about a week and a half. But we aren't official."
I couldn't have sounded more desperate and devious. Shelby silently and seriously acknowledges this. We get back to my place and walk in. I notice my brother on the couch so I tell Shelby to run into my room real quick while I put him to bed. I wake him up and walk him to bed and clean up his mess really quickly. Once he is asleep I bring Shelby into my living room. We get the cheesecake and I have about half of a slice. My mind isn't on food. My stomach is already turning.
I sit on the couch and she sits on my ottoman. I ask her why. She simply says, "It's comfy here!"
I know she's lying. I know that the games are on. I know I'm going to kiss her in my heart, but I keep trying to fight it. We finish our pieces of cheesecake and I put it away. I get her to sit on the couch next to me. We talk and continue to play games. I have her watch something on my DVR for a bit. Then she goes and sits on my recliner chair. I go over and sit with her. The recliner is only made for one person, but we manage to fit. I get up and start massaging her.
I say, "This is what friends do!" She agrees.
Eventually, I tell her it's my turn. This time she says, "Hey, we are just being friends!"
Her touch is amazing. I feel comforted and turned on and connected. I must have this girl.
I get up and do a few things. We laugh awkwardly. We continue to play games. We start our banter again, though it never has really stopped. I make fun of her for being small and short and say that I could lift her up easily. She challenges me. I pick her up from the chair, take her into my room and throw her on the bed. She is shocked, but not upset. Not upset at all. I go into the living room and turn off the lights. I turn off the main light in my room and just turn on the lamp.
I lie next to her. We cuddle. We talk. We pull away. We start to nuzzle a bit.
My mind is screaming not to kiss her. My heart is pulling me closer to her. I want to kiss her. But I don't.
I know the same thing is going on with her. I tell her to lie on her stomach and I give her a massage again. I lean down and whisper in her ear. Again, we switch it up. She starts massaging me. All the while, we maintain that this is what friends do. Friends lie in bed together. Friends give each other massages in bed. Friends nuzzle and cuddle.
She massages me and leans down like I did. She slightly kisses my ear. She grazes my cheek with her lips. I try to get up, but instead I just turn around. Next thing I know she's straddling me. She stares at me with shock and I immediately claim, "I didn't mean to end up this way!"
She laughs and says, "yes you did! You're bad..."
We don't move from that position. We keep getting close. We almost kiss, she pulls away. We almost kiss again and I pull away. We say very few words. We are in dim light and it is nearly 4am. I lean up and move in closer to her and she moves closer to me...
I want to kiss her more than I've ever wanted anything. And I do.
We kiss. The most amazing, passionate, perfect kiss I've ever had.
And suddenly, we are making out wildly. I flip her over and we let it all out. All the bottled up passion for each other. She keeps saying we shouldn't be doing this, but I can't stop. She kisses me in between every lecturing word. Finally we stop.
We both know she has to go home. We get in my car and I start driving her home. We hold hands the whole way. We don't talk much about what this means and what the hell we just did. We just enjoy the night, the company, the moment. We kiss simply. As if we've been together for months, years even. We are natural and perfect.
I drop her off. We agree to see each other soon. We kiss goodbye.
I have no idea what this means for Tuesday morning. But for now, I don't care. I drive home with a smile on my face. I drive home happy.