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If You Really Wanna Hear About It...
Roads video and lyrics. Give me some feedback.
07/08/09 at 10:01 PM by bensATLsummer08
Feedback would be awesome. I just wrote this song today, so the guitar part is still a little rough and the guitar is a bit out of tune, but let me know if it strikes you as a decent song!

I fell in love with a girl
with eyes that light up the world
and when she laughs it's like the universe
is singing along
She believes in her God
All I believe in is myself
but she believes that heaven still has
a place for me

and you know that I have to agree
cuz when I'm with her it's all that I see

Tonight we coast along these roads
and we're never going home
We'll turn our backs on all we've known
and let the moment flow
I'll let my guard down
if you promise me that we can take this slow
because tonight I'm sure I know
I'm not alone

She's got a way with words that twists my stomach, breaks me down inside
When I'm with her my nerves turn cold, she fires every phrase just right
I wanna make her happy, make her eyes light up, fall into her arms
Her summer smile breathes with urgency, her dreams like shooting stars

I just need her with me
she sees things in me that I'm starting to believe

Tonight we coast along these roads
and we're never going home
we'll turn our backs on all we've known
and let the moment flow
I'll let my guard down
if you promise me that we can take this slow
because tonight I'm sure I know
I'm not alone

we take the freeway past the inlet where my heart stayed
when I thought that I had nothing to lose
The spray from every single wave
touched the rocks and hit my face
as the sunset somehow helped me get through
I'll wait it out, I'll wait for something real
She'll come along and make me feel
The way that I know we all deserve
And by the time our lives are over with
I'll take her hand and we'll look back
and know that we were perfect for sure

Tonight we coast along these roads
and we're never going home
we'll turn our backs on all we've known
and let the moment flow
I'll let my guard down
if you promise me that we can take this slow
because tonight I'm sure I know
I'm not alone
Tags: acoustic, video, ben hammond, roads
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Hoppus/FOB flash drive! I got it.
05/06/09 at 10:41 PM by bensATLsummer08
So the flash drive is kind of a let down. America's Suitehearts remix, a video that combines the real video with some Octopus stuff, a video of Mark at a photoshoot which is entertaining, and then a link to a site where I put in a special number that was also on the drive and now they're sending me something in the mail.

Maybe it'll be Blink stuff? But I don't have my hopes up too high. It asked for size, so I'm thinking it's an Octopus shirt, which I am more than cool with.

Also, since I got the drive at Travis' store, they hooked me up with a few Famous shirts and a pair of jeans. Real nice guys over there.
Tags: blink 182, fall out boy, mark hoppus, flash drive
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My feelings on various songs when my itunes is on shuffle...
01/24/09 at 07:59 PM by bensATLsummer08
I have filled out more job applications in the past week and a half than I ever thought I would. I have applied for everything from customer service at target to a spot in an adult film. I'm not sure which I would rather have. I've worked at target before and it sucked... but I'd be willing to bet that I have some friends who look at a shit load of porn and I would not want to check my voicemail one day and hear, "Dude, I just saw you on bangmysister.com! Man, I knew you moved to California but I didn't know it was to be in the porn industry! I've gotta tell my mom!"

So pretty much I'm super bored. I've got my itunes on shuffle so I think I'll associate each song that comes on with a memory or feeling or something... maybe just my thoughts on the song. We'll see how it goes.

Silhouettes (All Eyes Above)- Rookie of the Year
This song takes me back to a relationship I was in a few summers ago. "Did you really wanna know what I was about?" The line reminds me how I thought I was really close to the girl at the time, but now that I look back I see that we knew nothing about each other. We said our "i love you's" but never meant them. I really really fucking love this song.

I Can Get Back Up Now- You, Me and Everyone We Know
This here gem of a tune reminds me of the drive out here to California that I made a week and a half ago. Mainly because it is the opening song in the short little video/film that I'm making out me and my friends trip. Maybe I'll throw that video up in a blog sometime if enough people start reading this. The chorus "aint it a shame to be so young and insane" just puts a smile on my face. When I left Illinois to come out here I knew it was potentially the dumbest thing I had ever done. I'm young and insane and it's a shame... not for me... but for everyone who never made a crazy decision like I did.

Oh, and the whole bridge with Max Bemis just kinda stands as a fight song for me. I took my last breakup pretty hard and that whole 'was there something I said that made you doubt that I could get back up?' really just puts a drive in me to get back out there and live my life.

Don't Save Me- Sing It Loud
This song reminds me of last summer, driving around singing along to 'Best Beating Heart' and laughing at how Alex Gaskarth's voice made the Sing It Loud singers voice sound like a kindergartner. It also reminds me why I don't listen to Sing It Loud much anymore. Next song.

Unopened Letter to the World- The Ataris
My parents got divorced in early 2004. This song was one of the ones that really got me through. At the time I didn't have any close friends. My best friend lived a thousand miles away and I was starting to grow apart from my other friends. They didn't understand what I was going through, but I really felt like Kris Roe did. I would sit in my room, put So Long, Astoria on repeat and just sit there. "Even Angels would be homesick in this forsaken town." I wanted to get out of my house, my town and even my state soooo bad in those days. I wanted to be far away from the fighting and the bullshit.

Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year- Fall Out Boy
"We're the therapists pumping through your speakers, delivering just what you need..." I wanted to be Fall Out Boy so bad when I heard those lines. I've always imagined what it would be like to write the perfect song and, although this song isn't perfect, it makes me think that Pete Wentz knows something about writing lyrics that I don't. Those lines show so much confidence that I wish I could feel the same. Forget that the song that came before it on the cd was about Pete trying to overdose, I think this might be one of the cockiest, most influential songs on me ever.

Baby Blue- The Early November
About three years ago I went with my friends to record their EP in a small town about an hour away from mine and while we were there we went to a bonfire with a bunch of people we didn't know. I made some amazing friends and we played acoustic songs all day and night. Dave Melillo, Rufio and a shit ton of The Early November. It was one of the best nights of my life and whenever I hear a TEN song, I am taken straight back to that day. The line in this song that hits me super hard is "I don't want you to love me anymore." It's just one of those lines I guess...

Love Me Dead- Ludo
The first time I saw Ludo was in Chicago at a Hush Sound show where Fall Out Boy was "supposedly" playing. FOB didn't play, but I don't care. I saw Ludo 5 more times in the following months and they quickly became my second favorite live band behind Brand New. Once I get over the girl that I fell in love with at the same time I fell in love with Ludo I need to start listening to them a whole lot more.

Starlight Drive- Last Winter
This was one of my freshman year of high school discoveries that I have forgotten about various times since then. Every time I forget about them though, they pop up in some random conversation and I immediately wonder how I could ever forget them. Last Winter is a solid band and I can't figure out why they haven't gotten more recognition. This song reminds me of my early relationships. "Ignorant and dreaming on starlight drive." Every kid is ignorant and has dreams of falling in love and it being this amazing thing when, really, at a young age love sucks. "Time is forgiving so let it go" I should take that line to heart right about now and learn to let it go.

Soco Amaretto Lime- Brand New
I used to lay in bed with my ex girlfriend and sing this song all night. I was 17. I guess I should have chosen a better age and a better relationship to tie this song to. This might be in my top 5 favorite songs of all time. It has the same kind of feelings tied to it as The Verve Pipe's "Freshman" does. When I would listen to "freshman" when I was younger I'd be like, "man, I can't wait till I'm a freshman. It's going to be amazing." The next thing I knew I was a senior and I was wondering where the good freshman stuff went. I'm 19 now and I listen to Soco Amaretto Lime and the line "I'm gonna stay 18 forever so we can stay like this forever" is really bittersweet. I spent my entire 18th year with a girl who didn't want to stay like that forever with me. Maybe I should have listened to this song in that relationship instead of the one before it.

I still feel like I'm going to stay 18 forever.

"You're just jealous cuz we're young and in love."


Familiar Landscapes- New Found Glory
I don't understand why people say Coming Home is NFG's weakest album. Granted, it didn't get the commercial success it should have, but I think they showed a little bit lighter side of themselves really well. I get pissed when I listen to this cd because I feel like a lot of the songs could have been as big, if not bigger than their previous hits. This song in particular doesn't hold much connection for me. Just one of those songs that I listen to when I listen to the cd... which is quite frequently.

"What better time than now to bandage your bleeding?"

My Favorite Accident- Motion City Soundtrack
My freshman year of high school was spent dirt-sledding, playing soccer, and waking up every morning to Motion City Soundtrack. I first heard them when my friend burned me a cd with MCS and Daphne Loves Derby. I immediately fell in love with both bands and haven't stopped listening to them since. My Favorite Accident is a song that I never really attached to any feelings. I could say that it applies to my latest relationship, but applying and being connected are two different things. I love this song to death. I Am the Movie is such a good cd.

Priceless- Copeland
"I remember when I'd run to you through fields of white flowers, your embrace was my air how I needed you there." If there is a more perfect song about missing or needing someone, please show it to me. I will give whatever band wrote it a million dollars and my first born child. This song is one of those semi-sad type songs that just makes you super happy.

Are You Alone- The Starting Line
I'll make this quick because I've been listening to TSL non-stop the past few days and I think my roommate is about to break my speakers. Just the title and the chorus of this song can evoke so much thought. "Are you Alone?" Think about it... you're in a room with a bunch of people... but are you really not alone? Or I could take it as thinking about my ex and wondering if she's alone. Probably not.

Always Love You Never Leave You- Archie Star
Alright, this will be the last one I do in this blog. If you wanna read more, tell me to do this again. I always have time in between filling out job apps. This song is the way that I'll feel when my ex gets a new boyfriend. "His heart just took my fucking place." Yeah, I can't wait for that day to come. "What ever happened to always love you, never leave you?" I guess everyone is a liar when it comes to love.

Time to fill out some more applications. Oh look, here's one for a nude modeling agency...
Tags: suffle, itunes, brand new, copeland, the starting line, rookie of the year
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Pacific Sun, You Should Have Warned Us
01/22/09 at 05:06 PM by bensATLsummer08

I'm looking out the sliding glass door of my beautiful new apartment and I still can't believe I'm here. Behind the palm tree outside the window, cars drive by at a ferocious pace, eager to get to the 405 or PCH. California is everything I could have hoped for. The weather, the people, the landscape... there's nothing better than this is my mind. I don't care that I'm sleeping on the floor. I don't care that my friends and I have no furniture. I don't care that we're feeding off of our neighbors internet. I just love this whole atmosphere. I'm out here on my own. I got out of that little town in Illinois and I'm slowly learning what I've been missing out on. I have found so much happiness in everything I have done here so far, and there is still so much I haven't seen or touched yet.

Dashboard Confessional is filling the room as I sit here looking for a job. That's really the only downside to this whole thing. I need some money. We have $500 due to our apartment complex on February 1st, and we currently have $16. Hopefully the check I have coming to me gets here in time. Honestly though, I don't care. I've learned lately to just roll with the punches. So far on this trip everything has worked out. Things have gone wrong; the hood on our car broke, but somehow fixed itself. I lost my wallet in Flagstaff, Arizona, but it turned up in a bag full of canned soup that we had. My phone broke, but the guy at the T-Mobile store gave me a new SIM card. We were homeless, but we found an amazing deal on an apartment. Something about this whole thing just keeps telling me that this is where I belong.

I need to get out and play shows. That's the only thing I miss about home. The shows. Friends we have here so far really like just chilling and listening while I play, but theres something special about being up on a stage in front of people you don't know. I want that feeling again. I haven't really written a new song since I've been here, but there's one on the tip of my tongue. If you write songs, I'm sure you know the feeling.

Hopefully the job search cashes in soon, and hopefully everything continues to be everything I hoped for. My friend Kenny is coming out to live with me and Justin now. He'll be here Tuesday, so I can't wait for that. This whole California thing is the best decision I've ever made. I am officially 90% happy with my life. Maybe it'll be 100% soon.
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So Long, Astoria
01/18/09 at 07:50 PM by bensATLsummer08

Sitting in this lonely apartment, the smell of feet and weed filling the air, makes me realize how much my life has changed in the past few days. Whether it's for the better or the worse, I don't know yet. I'm still scared as fuck as to what will happen to me in the coming weeks.

The California sunshine is bursting through the sliding glass windows. There are people sleeping on the balcony outside and some more sprawled out on couches and the floor. My friend Justin is asleep on the other side of the room, not lucky enough to be one of the kids to get a couch. The other people passed out across the room aren't my friends. I guess you could call them acquaintances. We don't really belong in this place. The party life has never been my scene and 80 degree temperatures in January seem out of this world to me. My head beats as my hangover starts to kick my ass. Why am I here?

Let's start with how I got here.

Up until three weeks ago, I had lived my whole life on a straight line. I got decent grades in school, never got in trouble and apart from the occasional night of drinking with friends, I wasn't much for parties. I spent all nineteen years of my life in a small town in Illinois, never really leaving for long enough to see what other parts of the world were like. When I was in second grade my best friend and I began listening to bands like Blink 182 and MXPX. These bands planted a seed in us that quickly translated into us writing lyrics of our own. We wrote about all of our second grade girl troubles and our views on the government. In 2000, the summer before my fifth grade year, my best friend moved away to Florida. Around this same time I started listening to a little band called The Ataris. Something about their music made me want to run away. Blue Skies, Broken Hearts, Next 12 Exits and End Is Forever ruled my cd player for the next few years and as the amount of lyrics I wrote increased, so did problems at my house.

In 2003 my parents started to realize that they weren't made for each other anymore. The fights would last until 2 in the morning, the cheating grew apparent and throughout it all I only had one thing to rely on: So Long, Astoria. Each song on that cd pulled at a part of me that wanted to get out of that broken home so I could find something more meaningful. Not only did the songs pull at me, but they pulled me through.

I realized my sophomore year of high school that the midwest just didn't do it for me. I met some people from California online and began planning ways that I could come see them. Each plan was more ridiculous than the last and it I finally decided that there was no hope in ever seeing the west coast. High school flew by faster than I could have ever thought, I found a girl that I fell in love with, I went off to college, I lost the girl of my dreams, and I was forced to leave college because even after 5 years, my parents still couldn't agree on a thing. I realized that it was now or never.

Three weeks ago my friends and I were sitting in my room when we had a revalation; we needed to get away from this place. There had to be something more to this life than negative 10 degree weather and lackluster sunsets. We started planning a roadtrip to visit those friends in California that I had promised to visit years before. The more we talked about it, the more people dropped out of the idea. It was down to two of us and we knew it was going to turn into more than a roadtrip.

Less than a week ago my friend Justin and I packed up our cars and drove 34 hours to Orange County, California. The drive was full of amazing things; mountains, deserts, and the most beautiful sunrise I have ever witnessed. We arrived in California tuesday afternoon with high expectations.

So here I am, Saturday morning, sitting on this floor, kids passed out everywhere. This really isn't what I was looking for when we decided to come here. To be honest, I just wanted to get away and forget about the girl who broke my heart. I figured feelings couldn't follow you 2,000 miles to paradise, but now I know different. I'm looking outside at the blue sky. The passing cars. The people walking. The mountains. I had never seen mountains until we took this trip. How come with all of these amazing things, there is still only one thing on my mind? The other night I saw the most amazing sunset ever and all I could think was how much better it would be if she was there. She wouldn't want me to be smoking all this weed. She wouldn't want me to rely on the bud light to have fun. Or does she even care anymore?

Does she care that Justin and I are homeless? I doubt it. But then again, neither do I. We've got a place to stay until we can find an apartment. Hopefully it won't take too long. Jobs will be hard to find, but I think we can do it pretty quick. These past few days have made me realize that until I'm off on my own in this place, I won't really be able to experience it. These friends, kids, people (whatever you want to call them) that are sprawled across this apartment probably won't help me find that happiness that I'm looking for. They seem like the kind of people that find their happiness in the form of bongtokes and beerbongs.

That isn't me.

But then again, at nineteen years old, do I really know who me is?


"Old enough to know, but too young to care."

Anberlin is invading my ears as the scent of warmth and comfort fills my nostrils. We found an apartment yesterday on the other side of Irvine. It's a nice little place, just big enough for Justin, myself, and our friend Kenny who has decided to come move out here with us. Rent is a really good price and we get the first month free. It's perfect.

Last night we hung out with the same people we did Friday night, but this time I started realizing that there is more to these kids than smoking weed. I mean, yeah, they do it quite a bit, but most of them are pretty awesome kids. I woke up this morning on the same floor as yesterday, but without the hangover. Justin and I went to the apartment complex we're moving into to make sure we had everything set, then we drove down Pacific Coast Highway to Huntington Beach and played some guitar on the beach. Definitely one of the best feelings in the world. And of course, while we were driving down PCH we had to blast "Summer of '79" by the Ataris.

Something about this place puts me in a really good mood. Well, when we're not stuck inside a smoke filled apartment that is.

I need to start writing again. I haven't written a song since we've been here. I don't know if it's writers block, if I just haven't had time, or if this place just doesn't inspire me... or maybe it inspires me too much. It's like those times where you're super sad or super happy, but you can't put it into words. You'll fall in love or you'll break up with someone and you'll want so bad to write a song about it, but the emotions are so strong that you just can't do it. I'm sure someone understands what I mean.

Starting tomorrow we'll be in our own place so it'll be way easier to write.

It'll be way easier to do a lot of stuff when we're there.

Writing blog updates while sitting on a couch can't really capture emotion the way I want it to, so from now on I think I'm going to take a notebook with me everywhere, kind of like a journal, and then post all that shit in here.

Hopefully someone is reading this.
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Last Updated: 07/08/09 (3,071 Views)
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