My weekend was interesting, but not interesting to the point where it was life altering.
Friday: I went to my friend's church with her. I love religions and studying them; so it was a learning experience to say the least. I met a lot of great people and ate tamales...mmm
Saturday: I hung out with my ex and her new girl thing. Upon seeing this new girl...it lead me to asking, "WHY!?" She's so unnatractive that it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. Never the less it was getting out of the house and I had an alright time. I talked to the boy a TINY bit, but he had a show that night.
Sunday: I stayed in all day. It was nice out but I felt like crap. The boy had a show then went to the Shinedown concert. (That coincidentally I was supposed to be at) After the concert though, he imed me and we pretty much talked all night. We had a major conversation about "us" and it all started with an "UGH!"(coming from me) He asked me what was wrong, and I said, "I'm trying to put the fact that I don't mind if anything happens between us when we hangout out of my head." He said, "Well you never know...something COULD happen." Damn I don't remember the WHOLE conversation but it made my night. He had to go though because he had school the next day.
Monday: Seeing as I had a 3 day weekend, I slept in :]. From his last class to god knows what time last night, we were talking. We talked about pretty much everything. Gah he's amazing. I can't wait to visit MA.
I have nothing to write about today so this is probably going to be a pretty pointless blog. I'm going back to MA in two weeks and my plane ticket is costing me $300 (round trip). Plus I'm possibly bringing extra money to go out while I'm there. I desperately need nicotine at the moment and I'm probably going to scream at the next person who says something negative to me. Not good for my civics class. I have a substitute who's a complete and utter bitch. Not looking forward to that. I'll just parade around the classroom with my lovely rainbow "accessories" telling her that I'm a lesbian, because she's apparently homophobic; or she acted so yesterday anyhow. I'm just happy it's Friday finally. This week went by so slow.
My uncle decided that we should go out and go shopping. I know, I know typical gay guy right? Despite my arguments to stay home, he dragged me with him. Seeing as he doesn't have a car, we had to take the bus. It was about 6:00 p.m. and I was already completely bitchy. Waiting at the bus stop, my uncle's telling me this ridiculous story, waving his arms/hands about. The bus finally pulls up and we get in. After sitting down, I notice the bus is pretty crowded. So I put my headphones in and put on some Ludo. (I know, I was in an awkward mood yesterday) The couple next to me, was what made everything interesting.
Over the music playing through my right and left ears and into my head; I could hear their conversation. They were talking about their babysitter whom the wife (I'm assuming they were married) had hired a week before. Now normally, this wouldn't be an interesting conversation, but by the way this woman was staring at her husband with such disdain and disgust; it wasn't an ordinary conversation. She continued to say how she couldn't believe she even trusted him, and how could he do this to her? Thinking it was just the normal; "I cheated on my wife with our babysitter" situation, I listened to see what the husband had to say. Unfortunately that wasn't much, because he was cut off by his angry wife. (Word for word. Everything she said:) "How could you? Did you think I wouldn't have walked into the DINING ROOM? And on the table? WHY a feather duster?"
THIS caught my attention.
Unfortunately they got off at the next stop and I was unable to hear his logic/reasoning on the situation. Keep in mind however, buses and trains carry shit loads of crazies.
Thinking that the entertainment was over, I sat back in my seat and listened to "Mordecai" explode through my ears. An unexpected, but welcomed sound. However, I was wrong about ANYTHING being over. I looked up and instantly saw a lady in her mid 60's? with bright blue and pink hair. Now it's not as though I haven't seen this before, but her outfit made it all the better. On her tiny legs, she wore a vibrant pair of bright green ZEBRA STRIPED skinny jeans. As a shirt, she was wearing a "Too Famous For Fame" Jeffree Star shirt. What completed the outfit however, was her bright purple heels. She looked like a shriveled up, aged version of a clothed Suicide Girl.
This was going to be interesting...
She sat next to me, as every crazy/insane/troubled person tends to, and began talking to ME. Now in comparison to her (for sake of contrast) I was wearing A Blink t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and bright green chucks. Pretty damn normal compared to her outfit wouldn't you agree? Anyhow; she asked me where I had gotten my converse, and I politely said that I had gotten them online. She looked at me like I had three heads, but continued to talk. Apparently she was "going to meet her boyfriend at the mall." So as the conversation went on she proceeded to tell me about her hubby. They met at a night club and have been together for 2 years since. I said that I thought it was sweet, and she thanked me. When she finished telling me about her sweetheart, she turned away from me as if we weren't even talking seconds before and pulled out an i-pod. She turned the music on and persisted to tap her heeled foot. It didn't take me long to notice that there were no headphones in the ipod or her ears. After listening to her imaginary music for about 30 seconds, she began talking to the BUS SEAT on the opposite side of her. She was apparently going to meet her boyfriend (who she told the bus seat was in a band?) and they were going to his concert in Germany tonight. She went on and on about how he plays guitar and how he's going to pull her on stage. I almost cried laughing. That's when my uncle tapped my shoulder and said that we were getting off at the next stop. Oddly enough, Mrs. Zebra skinny jeans herself got off at the same stop. I had forgotten she said she was going to the mall. I didn't think anything of it and just walked behind my uncle into the semi-crowded mall. After going to a few stores and buying some things; we went to the food court. While I was waiting in line for my Japanese food, out of the corner of my eye; there were the bright green zebra stripes. I instantly looked up to find the most picture perfect sight I had ever seen. The lady I was previously describing was draped over the arm of an old man. Now normally that wouldn't be so interesting. But let me describe what he was wearing.
Black skinny jeans (similar to mine actually), black chucks, a sex pistols t-shirt, and a denim jacket clad with pins and patches. Not to mention his hair (which he had a lot of for an older man) was in liberty spikes.
That was it. I died. In the middle of the food court. I fell down in a fit of laughter. I honestly couldn't take it. I got my food and went to sit with my uncle.
August 2010, I'll be in Helsinki Finland for a month. It's a trip that has always been planned, we've just never had the money. We'll be staying in a hotel that rents out rooms similar to apartments. Granted it IS 4,000+ per month, but we have more than enough people going to cover the costs.
-Marina (best friend of 12 years)
Two more weeks until I visit MA! I'm so excited to see everyone and I plan on getting another piercing while I'm there. 18th bday coming up :P
Over the weekend, me and the Boy talked. Pretty much all weekend. Last night...was most awkward conversation 09. I got my hair cut and dyed last night and I got home to find several ims, a few from him. He was wondering where I was because my computer's a douche and gets rid of my away message randomly. So I told him I went to go get my hair done (finally). He said, "OOOH OOH LET ME SEEEE!" So I went to go take pictures, only to find out that my camera is dead. Now, the camera I have has one of those batteries you need to charge in a charger, which is in my uncle's room. So I gave him the camera to charge. He went to go put the battery in the charger...and broke it. So now, I can't take pictures.
When I told the boy this, he went, "AWE but I wanna seeee!" So I told him I would try to take pictures today with my friend's camera. Now, that's not the awkward part. There's multiple parts to that.
I. We started talking about coffee, because we were both drinking it. Apparently he has an espresso machine, so he said that when we hangout, he'll make me a drink Px. I proceeded to tell him that he didn't want to do that, because I'm not on my best behavior when I'm hyper (which I'm not). He said he would do it anyway...so he'l have to deal with it.
II. We started talking about me and dancing..well...I took latin dance classes for most of my life, so dancing is pretty much...sex with clothes on for me. That was just an awkward conversation all around.
III. CAUTION: EXTREMELY AWKWARD
Then we were talking about my eyes. Because they change color with my mood and when they're green, well I'm horny. So he keeps asking me if they've changed back to normal yet. Which they haven't. So randomly he asks me if I mind him being awkward for a moment. I said "Of course not, I'm awkward all the time. You deserve a turn." So he said, "Oh okay. Well I'm extremely horny and I feel like wanking so it might take me a while to respond to anything you're saying." Automatically I just stared at the computer screen, mouth agaped. He DID NOT just say that Px But he did. So I said, "Well....are you SURE you don't want me to stop talking? It's really NO problem Px" He just said, "No, it's fine. Like I said, it'll just take me a while to respond." Leaving me in an awkward position Px
So conversation...very little conversation, but conversation none the less, for 15 minutes goes on. Then for a few minutes he doesn't say anything. All of a sudden I get an IM saying, "Alrightyy well. It's bed time for me now, but I can text you if you want." AHAHA OH WOW! Can my night be any more awkward...and oddly enough...this whole situation made me fricken fall for him even harder.
Yesterday, my uncle came home with starbucks coffee and an edible arrangement because I had said I wanted one, and never actually had one. We talked about everything that's been going on and what's been bothering me. He feels bad and wants to know what he can do to help, but in reality there IS nothing he can do. When I told him that last night, he said to let him know if I thought of anything, I miss everyone in MA so much that it's getting to the point where I'm missing my mom. We've never actually has a mother daughter relationship so it's awkward for me to say.
I'm going back to MA in April to visit for my birthday, so I guess it's not too bad of a wait. "/
Tuesday night I told my best friend that I liked him as more than a friend. Which was a completely awkard converstion. He was shocked after I told him' he didn't really know what to say. He ended up asking me why I liked him. Here's the reasons.
-He's extremely nice
-He's funny and never ever tries to put me down
-He's so talented and has so much going for him
-I feel like I can tell him ANYTHING
We continued to talk about it a little, and he told me that he didn't want to get attached for two reasons.
1. The distance between MA and NC.
2. My ex who still lives in High Point
He said that in order to have a relationship with someone he has to be around them at least once a week. Which makes sense. I can see where he's coming from. He's also worried about my ex, because I've gone back to her so many times and he feels as though if we do start a relationship that if she wants me back; I'll just go back to her.
Now when we talk, it's not awkward at all. (which I'm very happy about.) He keeps making plans with me for when I'm going to be visiting in April, and it's sweet :3
Yesterday he had band practice. So when they were taking a break, he was talking to me and would randomly call me "hun". I KNOW it's not much but everytime he says it, I can literally feel my blood rush through my veins. We have a lot in common but not to the point where its sickening. We still don't see eye to eye on Disney movies, and he doesn't like gorey movies Px which not all people do.
My day was...adventurous yesterday. I missed my bus to school so I had to take the public one. I got on the bus and the bus driver told me I had to get off at the last stop, which was SUPPOSED to be the stop near my school. I walked around from 8:00 am - 1:30 only to find another bus stop. I sat and waited for a few minutes and a bus came that luckily took me back to wal mart which is right near where I live.
That's not even half of it.
Upon arriving home, I realize that I left my keys INSIDE the house and I am now locked out. I sit there for a few minutes and decide that going next door to my neighbor's house would be the best thing. She's extremely nice and is a friend of my uncle's. I spent a few hours there until my uncle came home and laughed his ass off at me.
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
On top of all this, I realized last night that I'm falling for my best friend. Awkward? Yes...and it's dually awkward seeing as my best friend is a GUY! Haven't liked a guy since 6th grade. So I'm a little scared, nervous, amazingly happy, giddy, shy, yet very open when I talk to him. Ugh...I don't know how to tell him though.
Megan and I were supposed to go see a movie yesterday. We went to Kepley's to get something to eat, and realized that at 7:30 we had to start walking to the movie theatre which was in the opposite direction. On our walk there, it began to rain. So we just kept on, thinking that the movie began at 8:00.
When we arrived at the movie theatre, we found out that the movie wasn't starting until 9:30. Which made us feel a little better. Seeing as I live with my uncle and he's beinning to treat me like I'm 5, I gave him a call and said that the movie wouldn't be starting until 9:30 so I would be home directly after it ended.
He persisted to yell and scream into the phone that I wouldn't be walking home by myself that late at night, when we live 5 minutes away from the movie theatre. So we're going tonight instead. The movie begins at 7 and there's no reason for us to miss it this time, and there will be time afterwards to hangout.
Megan was stressed out so she walked to the house to see if I wanted to take a walk with her. As soon as the door knocked, my heart skipped a beat; hoping it wasn't her as my uncle answered the door, knowing it wouldn't end well. She stated her request and was quickly shut down. Clearly I jumped in at that time. He told me that I coudn't go out, even though it was only 7 pm and that I wasn't allowed to see her.
Now...I'm 17 years old (18 on April 20th)...it's not logical for him to tell me that I can't see her. I feel like I'm back living with my mother and she's treating me like I'm 5 years old again. I spent the next three hours after she left belittling him and screaming at him, because he had done the same to her. He continues to blame her for things gone missing around the house, even though he's the most absent minded person I've ever met. It's absurd. Last night was the first time she's even stepped near the house in the past 4 days.
Last night on the car ride home from my college open house; I realized something. I'm so much better without her. Granted it took me forever to figure out, but hey shit happens. I don't necassarily need her there because all she does is try to guilt trip me into feeling bad for her. I'm done. Finally.
Also last night I was in a conversation with two of my best friends back in MA and it's clear that one of them likes me...awkward yes but I asked her MULTIPLE times and still I either get a "Pfft no; not like that." or no answer at all.
and my ex...niko...i miss her like crazy. She's an amazing person and we just started talking again, but I'm not saying anything about it...she's happy with kelsea and that's where she should be.
Friday: My uncle declared that Megan had to be out by sunday. We went into the room and talked/cried for hours. Then we took a walk to bimbo barbie's work. Megan ended up sleeping over her house, leaving me alone. Her whole plan was to be on a bus sunday morning to go back to MA.
Saturday: Megan came home at around 3 p.m. We talked some more and yet again went to Bimbo Barbie's work. We ended up walking back home, and took a nap. (in eachother's arms) She ended up going out with Barbie saying she would be back at around 11 or 12. I told her if I was asleep when she got back to wake me up. I fell asleep and ended up waking up at 4:30 a.m. only to find that she hadn't even come home yet. Having her phone I texted her about 5 times asking why the fuck she wasn't home. When she told me to call her, I did. She told me that she was going to figure out a way to stay in North Carolina. Didn't even BOTHER coming home.
Sunday: My uncle continuously talked shit about her and I just kept crying. She promised we would hangout but kept finding excuses not to. I still believe bimbo barbie didn't want her to. When she finally came to get her things, I asked if we were definitely hanging out soon. She said, "Of course." and didn't even give me a hug.
I miss her so fucking much and she's still in the same town. This is so fucked up.
She has to be out by Sunday. Not my say; my uncle's. She put all of her priorites into her new bimbo girlfriend and she fucked up. I knew this would happen, but she wouldn't listen to me. She's not even here right now. She's with her girlfriend. Instead of spending her last day with me she's out with that whore. Go figure. I know I'm better anyways.
Last night she had me walk to her gf's work with her. Just so she could "say goodbye." What a fucking liar. She ended up staying over her house last night. OH and she promised she would be home this morning. It's almost 1. WAY PAST MORNING! I know I sound like a controlling bitch, but honestly I'm not. She promises things she doesn't intend on keeping.
Among our many arguments last night, I was going to walk my ass home. She kept telling me that I couldn't leave, but wouldn't give me a full answer on why. I know why. She still loves me and needs me but won't admit it. She's too fucking stubborn. What sucks is I miss her already and she's not even gone. I don't know what I'm going to do without her.
She cares, but she won't admit it. I'm done trying. She can go on living her life and see that I was right. See that she's the way that she's always been and that she can never change. And when worst comes to worst, I won't be there this time for her to fall back on. All she does is talk about her and it makes me sick.
But the way she looks at me...it's not with the "love of a friend" like she claims. She'll sit there staring at me, or keep glancing at me from time to time, until I say something. After a while, she just continues doing it. I know she misses me, but to admit it would admit that she was wrong, and she hates being wrong.
I just wish I could find someone to make me forget all this.
So at night, my ex and I still cuddle. Asking for a problem? So what. That's how I've slept for the past three years, and that's how I'll continue sleeping. Last night however, she nicely told me that the reason she turns over at night and ends up holding me, is because she has the urge to cheat on her current girlfriend with me. SO WHY DOESN'T SHE!? She knows I'm 10 times better than her girlfriend anyways, so what's HOLDING HER BACK!?
It just pisses me off to think about it, but at the same time it gives me hope. It may be false hope, but at this point I'll take it. Desperate? No. I love her unconditionally. More than anyone ever could. You might be thinking, "Wow this bitch is fucking psycho." but honestly I'm not. Let me explain.
Throughout our almost 4 year relationship, I've put so much of my trust, hope, love, loyalty, what have you into it. I've leapt over mountains for this girl, as she has for me. When I was sick, she took care of me. When she was sick, I took care of her. It was a push and pull relationship. Pretty healthy for the most part. Granted we did have our arguments, but still. Here's where I'm at fault. Everytime she would hurt me because of her commitment issues, I would take her back.
Countless amounts of times she's hurt me...including this past time. Is it bad I want her back? OR am I not the only one going through something like this?