I'm not sure I miss my old life but I know I'm looking forward to see the future. Things change, mostly for the worse. I'm too lazy to do anything or care about it,
but I think about those days I've lost due to my shortcomings, and maybe those of my friends.
But I can't blame anyone else. And especially not my friends. For it is for them that I have stayed.
No one is perfect. We differ from each other, did we not, could we not exist. At least not coexist. These things, where we differ, they can make life and relations hard for us. And we all change too.
If we didn't, we'd be keeping our faults for the rest of our lives.
That is, assuming we have any, at the time we stop changing.
Assuming then, that we can stop changing. It's in the human nature to change ourselves and everything and everyone else. We prefere to change other things to fit our perfect little world where we rule and others follow. Or maybe you have a diferent perfect world.
Thinking about it, in my perfect world, I wouldn't rule, but rather sit by.
I would have no use for ruling anyway. But now, as I live my life in this one world, I have a choice. Make my own perfect world, or live in that of others.
How then do I know what is my perfect world? I don't. I have no idea.
Or well. It might be one where I have achieved total enlightenment. But the path there is not one which my will power could endure.
It could be simply living my life alongside my friends,
but I know sooner or later I will disappoint them, again.
I change too much, I think. I adapt to peoples wishes and their perfect worlds.
And neither they, nor I, know what that perfect world is. Hence, I stagger along in their trails.
There are, ofcourse, people I don't want to be like.
Confucius once said:
"When you see a good man, try to emulate his example,
and when you see a bad man, search yourself for his faults."
I try to do that, and I do it a lot, I do nothing but it. I have a friend,
he says I adhere to much to other people's wishes. He said, when I told him I wasn't going to do pot cos my friend didn't want me to, that I was a sissy, that I was stupid, and so on.
Screw him I don't need drugs. Don't ·need·, but don't dislike in any way.
I know people who do, and i can't understand why. But I respect that. Seems some people hate drugs more then they like me. Okay. Fine. I like them ore then I like drugs, so I'll adapt.
What was my old self?
I don't know.
What is my current self?
I don't know.
What will my future self be?
I don't know.
Will I ever know? I have been thinking of recording my different periods of..things.
Like, what kind of music I listen to at times, how my life is going, and so on.
Actually, I'm going to do that now, on a stickie.
an hour or two later
I like talking about philosophy, I like thinking about life.
Does that make me a philosopher, or simply human?