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chemicalCHICK's Journal
When I wake up
05/06/09 at 01:18 AM by chemicalCHICK
Shadows follow me
And I have tried to feel more alive
But I'm still walking with ghosts...
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False Truth
02/16/09 at 12:36 AM by chemicalCHICK
I just uncovered my health,
What a discovery!
I just restored my dignity
Such a recovery
Lights! Camera!
No, Wait!
The Action is the reason I've been in this mess
Thinking I'm having it through having you
What a lie, Well more or less
My brain just farted, smells like truth
I sigh
I admit, you're a great person
Even when not personified by my heart
To this day the self-hurt has lasted
So much for me calling you the bastard
My own doing
Created a monster when I named my river of salty tears after you
Crying tears of my own insecurities
Now my conscience can gloat... Tuesday told you so
But "I told you so" has been running for three years
The facts have been falsified
So I don't need to "Tell them so"
You only got the crown because you married the queen
Kings don't get fired. You just got dethroned
No need for your heir so I stay stainless
Still made of steel
You got no marks on me
The battle's won
Just bodies on the ground
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hoping for death
10/17/07 at 06:19 AM by chemicalCHICK
fuck! I haven't written anything in like a whole month or something like that... Well my entire energy is drained... University is fucking with me big-time. I've lost weight and my hair's falling out but nobody seems to notice that... So I'll just go on like this till God knows when...
been reading the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. and I must say it is a kinda interesting, right now it's keeping me from stealing a gun and blowing my head off.
I am once again single, don't even know what went wrong this time and to top it all off I just found out that my best friend is 4months pregnant and she didn't even tell me... Oh All this calamity in the world...

whatever happened to those happy times?
I wonder!
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random thoughts
09/17/07 at 01:45 AM by chemicalCHICK
We want the spring to come and teh winter to pass
We want whoever to call or not to call,
A letter, a kiss
-We want more and more and then more of it
But there are moments, walking...
when I catch myself in the window glass
say the window of the corner video shop
and I'm gripped by a cherising so deep
for my own blowing hair, chapped face and unbuttoned coat that I'm speechless:
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Silence... but it's not deafening
08/29/07 at 03:29 AM by chemicalCHICK
missing my words, and missing my sanity
without an interesting thing to say....
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Somethings you wish you could forget...
08/15/07 at 08:02 AM by chemicalCHICK

Some told me to be strong
Some told me to hold on
because time is a healer of all wounds
But time has passed
Hour by the Hour
Day by day
It hasn't healed
but It's okay

Pain is still my best friend
Loniliness still knows me well
Life goes on as it never ends
Hour by the hour
Day by day
And still... It's okay

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
But I know that not to be possible
And so I'll go on

Sometime I wonder how it could've been
I sit here trying to fathom what went wrong
All the while
Time goes on
Hour by the hour
Day by day
You're still not here
But It's okay

(This is a poem I wrote for my dad, he died 5 years ago. he was hijacked and killed -- his killers were never arrested)
But I guess I've kinda forgiven them

May his soul rest in peace!!!
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Depression... kinda! Haha!
08/10/07 at 05:09 AM by chemicalCHICK
I found this poem over the internet... I can't quite remember who the poet is but I just thought it related so much to some of the shit that's been going on in my life!!

My Eyes

My eyes saw you every time you walked through the door
They saw every event you were ever in
They saw how you never noticed me
They saw how when you were told about my feelings, you laughed and walked away
They cried silent tears when you told me you were disgusted by my feelings for you
They stung with envy when you asked "her"out
They filled with tears from too many questions when i saw you kiss her
They widened with shock when i heard she cheated on you
They saw you cry because of her betrayal
They shed tears with you for i would never hurt you like that
They saw how you foolishly took her back
They burned with hate when she cheated on you again
They saw you cry day after day with the pain of what she did
They saw the phone ring when you called me
They saw you at my front door when you needed someone to talk to , someone to listen
My eyes
They saw me tell you that it was to late
They saw me close the door and start to cry
because ti know i would never hurt you like that,
but you wouldn't know because you never gave the a chance
My tired eyes saw the knife on the bedside table
They saw me pick it up through blurry tears
all the pain of how you treated me came flooding back,
mixing with the sharp sensation on the inside of my wrist
Can you see me now?
as paramedics rush into my house
Can you see me now?
as bloody cuts cover my body
Can you see me now?
as the police hand you a blood stained note
Can you see now all the pain you put me through?
All the scars and all the blood,
it's all because of you
So i hope you understand,
and i hope you see
because i know it was really you that killed me
Part of me says thank you
for now that my eyes are closed
I can't see you cry as you realized that i was always there
and that you passed me up for the one person who always caused you pain
Now that its too late
you realized how much i cared
Finally, for the first time in my life
you actually see me.

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is it?
08/08/07 at 06:55 AM by chemicalCHICK
She said:
"I'll take you anywhere
I'll take you anywhere....
As long as you stay with me!"
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08/01/07 at 07:33 AM by chemicalCHICK
OMG it's been so long... 2 months have gone
Varsity still sucks but I'm kinda tired of complaining all the time
Oh and I'm also in love, kinda I guess, with this one guy who's in my psychology lecture
he is just a God. Words can't explain. If only he would notice me, but I'm not even going to try this time, What's the point?

For new Love Never Had, and Never Lost

I was close,
to drifting out of place
to rearranging my life
the stress
kept me always awake
i canít
and couldnít
stand all the pressure
i just needed my space
after i lost a love in my life
Even after winning loveís race.
With every intent
of finding new Love
I found it
now gone
My problems a-strung
I look back, a year
when only two days have passed.
I canít see much futher
along Loveís foggy, unclear path.

I wait for the day
that love may return,
a promise Iíll keep
For the love I hope to earn.

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Just a thought...
05/31/07 at 02:40 AM by chemicalCHICK
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Road to the end
05/31/07 at 02:21 AM by chemicalCHICK
Well, in two hours I'll be writing my first University Exam
It is with great sadness and discontentment that I write this entry
good luck, that's exactly what I'll need
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a little smile and a lot of dance
05/18/07 at 03:19 AM by chemicalCHICK
It's finally going to happen, it's really going to happen.
by the end of the month of June I will officially be a varsity dropout
I feel so elated right now. and I can finally do what I've always wanted to do
"i'm going to study music at tech like I always wanted" yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dunno if I should jum up and own with joy or just have a drink and celebrate.
things are looking up!!!!
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05/15/07 at 01:25 AM by chemicalCHICK

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Poison. Mouth. Drink
05/14/07 at 06:51 AM by chemicalCHICK
It pains me to know that in two weeks I will be writing exams on pure bullcrap that I know nothing about. been here (varsity) for four months now and I still have no clue as to what I am doing here.
Anyways, good luck to me, God knows I'll need it.
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the hardest part....
05/11/07 at 05:40 AM by chemicalCHICK
contrary to popular belief, you're not mad if you talk to yourself
as long as you say the right things
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Last Updated: 05/06/09 (31,572 Views)
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