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|Good night, and good bye... [ A poem for Yani ]
Goodbye my dear friend , as I know we will never meet again .
Though our time was short, our time was fun.
The memories we made will last this life time.
And, I'm sorry it had to be this way. But maybe, just maybe, these things will change.
I love you my friend , but it's getting late and I don't want to keep you waiting because you have this other date ...
When you leave me this night, will you make a promise ?
That where ever you go , you won't stop and forget 'us'.
And when you sleep tonight... Will you dream of me ?
And when you get real big , will you sing of me ?
If you would do that for me , I could sleep in peace.
But before you go, do me one last thing...
Tuck me into bed, and say goodnight to me.
|Tags: goodbye, and, goodnight
|Chapter 19 CLOSED. Chunkin' up the deuces wida 20 on my side.
|New chapter, new me. |
Awwwwwww yiih. :3
So, I recently went to a job interview and BOMBED... in a major way. \
The lady, she like, pointed out some shit on my resume that I didn't know was there (fuckin' template!!!!!) and I was STUCK.
OMG! Not only that, but she wanted someone who was more familiar with Excel.
I fucking HATE Excel!
It's like the most relevant, shittiest, hardest, easiest, most complicatedest (okay.. I'll stop now :P) program I know.
And don't you DARE get me started on Access!
(Mind you, these are all MicroSoft Office programs)
Publisher sucks too!
Me and Yani are doing okay...
I miss him.
He's been going through alot so we haven't been able to see each other as much.
Kinda sucks. I still got music though! Speaking of...
I've fallen back in love with the radio again!
My mp3 player's playlist is P-LAYED and I refuse to continue listening to the same shit.
There's this one song that describes how I feel about my Ex, I heard it on the radio.
It's by Kelly Clarkson.
It's called Already Gone.
It's kinda about how a girl is abusive to her partner and ends the relationship out of wanting to not hurt her boyfriend anymore and loving him. <3
There have also been a ton of other great songs I've been hearing on the radio. I don't even listen to my actual mp3 anymore. I just use the radio feature.
I'm loving life. It's mellow and filled with boy-toys. I want more, doe! I'mma neva be satisfied, niggy!
If you're reading this then definitly hit me up with some of your fave rock, hip-hop, jazz, what-ever songs so I can upgrade the playlist, ya digg!?
While I was listening to the radio I heard about the BFD2010 (BIG FUCKN' DAY) concert. I'm so juiced! I hella wanna go!
Maybe it's not my weekend, but this damn sure is gonna be my year! I'm so excited for whats to come in these next few months.
And guess what... PROM IS COMING UP!
I wonder who I will go with.... :)
|Tags: chunk it, boytoys, ADD blog posts, AppaJoocyGangsta!
|Fuck that shit!
So, IDK, there's this (more like these) new cutie in my life. Handsome, muscular (he can even pick ME up!), he spoils me, all the shit. But.... He wants kids and marriage. I don't.
It's funny, 'cause... When I first saw him I was like "NO way!" 'cause he's so cute and really put together.
I don't know. I never do.
So, I mean, what the hell am I supposed do!? He's looking for long term... I'm not exactly looking for short term, but fuck, I don't want marriage.
He said he loved me, and I said it back. It was kinda sporadic though. :)
I don't know if I ment it. I think I just said it 'cause he did.
He's way cool. Stellar. He's from El Salvador (A true latin lover). He's ambitious, sweet, sensitive, and understanding... He's looking for too much though. I don't wanna get into a serious relationship with him and he be on that "Will you marry me?" shit.
I'm not lonely.
Ever since I broke up with my Ex I've been getting hella play. And I'm throwin' it right back! I got my cutie from El Salvador and another friend from Pakistan. There's this other guy at my school who likes me, and who knows what's to come.
I hate to say it, but I'm lovin' the singles life!
So yeah, like I said, seriously, fuck that shit! SERIOUSLY!
|Tags: live, laugh, love, LIFE!
|It's my joy to be able to believe in you.
|So... I guess we're not together any more...|
But that doesn't mean we're done...
So... I guess.... we can't have fun anymore...
But that doesn't mean I don't still love you....
I remember all the memories.
The good and the bad...
The sad and the happy...
I'm so happy to ever have been able to meet you.
I'm so grateful to have been there to see you grow...
It makes my heart beat a little stonger to know that I was able to help you...
I love you. From the deepest part of my heart, soul, and being. I do.
I hope that life treats you kindly as you arrive at the crossroad of manhood and maturity.
May your journey be safe and pleasant as life takes you on it's shakey roller coaster.
When I first me you, you were so timid and shy. Never to say no and never to aim high.
I've help to create a beautiful monster.
I hope who ever she is is very happy with you.
Happy like I was.
It's my joy to be able to believe in you
It truely is.
|Tags: love, sadness, life
|Closure: I'm done with these ill feelings.
|Before I completely forget about you, I just want you to know you're a piece of shit for what you did to me. Had you been a little bit more mature and actually knew how to handle situations you would have been able to realize that fucking me over wasn't such a smart OR mature idea. Yep, I was wrong for the way I treated you at times, I'll admit that. And I wasn't always the worst appreciative, but would I ever consider doing something like that to you? NEVER. Because even though I never was in love with you, at one point-in-time I loved you. Very much so. And when you have my love you have a friend FOREVER, but you'll never know. I pity people like you who go out in the world feeling like they HAVE to be loved in order to attain true happiness. . Please don't think I'm trying to get back with you or be your friend. Because the damage is done. You're fucked. When you sit back and realize how I was probably one of the realist people you'll ever meet. When you realize how even though I was never in love with you I loved you. And when you realize that you messed over a good thing with your childish immaturity and stupidity when it comes to handling situations... It'll hurt.'Cause with out you even knowing it, I was unconditional. I would would have never hurt you and with what you did to me in the room you proved to me: you never loved me, you never were in love with me and are a sad, pathetic man. I've moved on from you, but not the situation. With me having said this, I will have closure. I forgive you, but I will never forget.|
[I had to let the past be the past and let it go. *You* helped me to realize this that windy yesterday as we sat in the back seat of yo Mamas 'Lac getting over our own situation, talking it out like grown folks do. When I wrote this... It came from heart, and that's probably why it feels so good to write it. 'Cause I meant. Honestly, truthfully. And, if *You* hadn't made me realize the truth about the situation, that I wasn't over it,... I'd still be harboring those thought-consuming feelings. When I'm honest with myself... I feel good... I feel free. Like, I ended something that was consuming me. CHAPTER 18 CLOSED, 19 IN THE MAKING [with *You*]. I feel like I honestly have closure. Real closure, not the fake make-myself-feel-better-'cause-my-pride-won't-let-me-feel-what's-real-kind. Thank *You*. My heart is open and ready to give to *You*... Please, don't break it.]
[Gah damn, sorry guys. I reread this passage and worked out all the misspellings and what not. Good lord. -Rezu]
|Tags: closure, happiness, moving on, *You*
|If it doesn't work out, will you still be my friend?
|So, I'm scared. And it's like... So random. |
I mean, if It doesn't work... you just move on right?
I just...I don't know anymore... It's like, I'm so indecisive. I need to make up my mind...
And, it's like--.... Mmm... I dunno. I get so scared at the thought of getting close to someone and them leaving me.
[My head. It's starting to hurt... again.]
But, when, I say something.. I mean it.
Or do I?
I, just... I get so wrapped up in what I feel, I forget what is real. Did I speak to soon?
But, even still, if... If... If we don't make it last forever... Will you promise me that I'll have a friend in you for a lifetime?
See, it's like... You don't know how much it hurts to... get close to someone, and then it end... and they just LEAVE.
Never to speak to you again....
Like nothing ever happened...
They jut move on...
But you're supposed to, I suppose.
And the small wound, it slowly closes ...
But, the scar, no matter how invisble... it's there...
But the memories... The time... The fun... The LOVE...
I just want to know... that even if I don't have you forever...I HAVE you forever.
Just, say it...
Make me a promise...
Have you even sat back and thought about an old relationship and remembered the fun had, the time spent, the love shared?
Have you ever just wanted to hold onto that?
Fuck you, I don't care.
[It..It feels better.. or at least it's---fading away...]
Just promise I'll have a friend in you. Not... just.. you know... something temporary.
Can I lean on you when I get weak, please?
Will you wipe my tears away when I cry?
Will you hold me like you used to?
Like, please just tell me...
I need to hear it:
If it doesn't work out, will you sill be my friend?
|Ugh, so I was thinking...
|Like... fuck. I hate complicated shit.. and fucking astrology... and fucking religion... I hate hecka stuff...|
Errrr, it's like... fuck.. I get in a a good place in my life and shit hits the fucking fan
Why did he have to love me?
Why can't I be confident too....?
How come me and him aren't compatible!?!
I don't know... I was just up... and decided to fucking rant/blog. I have shitty grammar. Fuck you. I don't care.
Fuck... Why is it a sin to have tattoos and piercings? Why is religion so fucking complicated? Why is it so heavily induced in our society...?? My head hurts...
I'm hungry. I had another non-productive day.
I finally fucking get outta high school and I can't even amount to shit... Do you know how that feels?? I feel like--.. Rgghh.... I dunno... I hate venting... 'Cause I love and hate other peoples opinion. My feelings get hurt too easily...
I really like him a lot.... but we aren't compatible?? But... he likes me and I like him? Why not?
It's like.. have you ever seen a storm coming, or something bad in general coming, and you wanted to get away from it but you were frozen... Be it from excitement or fear? Well, that's how I fucking feel...
Nothing is ever good enough.... or ever fucking right. And I always miss by a small bit...
And like... fucking... why did he have to be so fucking immature and put me out there like that?? It hurt so bad! Just listening to this person I cared about dog me like that!
I fucking hate men! But I love cock.. But, as a result... I have a scarlets letter... a silent one...
It may go away one day...
My heart hurts...
I wanna cry... But, I'm not depressed... I just..
I wanna be near him... but... I don't wanna scare him away..
Maybe... I'm not cute enough...
I always take my pictures at that angle... it's the only one that compliments my ugly face..
My head hurts...
Will they care when I die---... No... but, yes... It's like.. I don't want them to go away... I think about it all the time..
They're fucking old. His leg is bad... She has a bad knee... His heart is bad.. I worry about her.. him... them.
Please don't go... I know I say mean things, but I love you... I... I swear...
FUCK, my head hurts.