So, IDK, there's this (more like these) new cutie in my life. Handsome, muscular (he can even pick ME up!), he spoils me, all the shit. But.... He wants kids and marriage. I don't.
It's funny, 'cause... When I first saw him I was like "NO way!" 'cause he's so cute and really put together.
I don't know. I never do.
So, I mean, what the hell am I supposed do!? He's looking for long term... I'm not exactly looking for short term, but fuck, I don't want marriage.
He said he loved me, and I said it back. It was kinda sporadic though. :)
I don't know if I ment it. I think I just said it 'cause he did.
He's way cool. Stellar. He's from El Salvador (A true latin lover). He's ambitious, sweet, sensitive, and understanding... He's looking for too much though. I don't wanna get into a serious relationship with him and he be on that "Will you marry me?" shit.
I'm not lonely.
Ever since I broke up with my Ex I've been getting hella play. And I'm throwin' it right back! I got my cutie from El Salvador and another friend from Pakistan. There's this other guy at my school who likes me, and who knows what's to come.
I hate to say it, but I'm lovin' the singles life!
So yeah, like I said, seriously, fuck that shit! SERIOUSLY!
Before I completely forget about you, I just want you to know you're a piece of shit for what you did to me. Had you been a little bit more mature and actually knew how to handle situations you would have been able to realize that fucking me over wasn't such a smart OR mature idea. Yep, I was wrong for the way I treated you at times, I'll admit that. And I wasn't always the worst appreciative, but would I ever consider doing something like that to you? NEVER. Because even though I never was in love with you, at one point-in-time I loved you. Very much so. And when you have my love you have a friend FOREVER, but you'll never know. I pity people like you who go out in the world feeling like they HAVE to be loved in order to attain true happiness. . Please don't think I'm trying to get back with you or be your friend. Because the damage is done. You're fucked. When you sit back and realize how I was probably one of the realist people you'll ever meet. When you realize how even though I was never in love with you I loved you. And when you realize that you messed over a good thing with your childish immaturity and stupidity when it comes to handling situations... It'll hurt.'Cause with out you even knowing it, I was unconditional. I would would have never hurt you and with what you did to me in the room you proved to me: you never loved me, you never were in love with me and are a sad, pathetic man. I've moved on from you, but not the situation. With me having said this, I will have closure. I forgive you, but I will never forget.
[I had to let the past be the past and let it go. *You* helped me to realize this that windy yesterday as we sat in the back seat of yo Mamas 'Lac getting over our own situation, talking it out like grown folks do. When I wrote this... It came from heart, and that's probably why it feels so good to write it. 'Cause I meant. Honestly, truthfully. And, if *You* hadn't made me realize the truth about the situation, that I wasn't over it,... I'd still be harboring those thought-consuming feelings. When I'm honest with myself... I feel good... I feel free. Like, I ended something that was consuming me. CHAPTER 18 CLOSED, 19 IN THE MAKING [with *You*]. I feel like I honestly have closure. Real closure, not the fake make-myself-feel-better-'cause-my-pride-won't-let-me-feel-what's-real-kind. Thank *You*. My heart is open and ready to give to *You*... Please, don't break it.]
[Gah damn, sorry guys. I reread this passage and worked out all the misspellings and what not. Good lord. -Rezu]
Like... fuck. I hate complicated shit.. and fucking astrology... and fucking religion... I hate hecka stuff...
Errrr, it's like... fuck.. I get in a a good place in my life and shit hits the fucking fan
Why did he have to love me?
Why can't I be confident too....?
How come me and him aren't compatible!?!
I don't know... I was just up... and decided to fucking rant/blog. I have shitty grammar. Fuck you. I don't care.
Fuck... Why is it a sin to have tattoos and piercings? Why is religion so fucking complicated? Why is it so heavily induced in our society...?? My head hurts...
I'm hungry. I had another non-productive day.
I finally fucking get outta high school and I can't even amount to shit... Do you know how that feels?? I feel like--.. Rgghh.... I dunno... I hate venting... 'Cause I love and hate other peoples opinion. My feelings get hurt too easily...
I really like him a lot.... but we aren't compatible?? But... he likes me and I like him? Why not?
It's like.. have you ever seen a storm coming, or something bad in general coming, and you wanted to get away from it but you were frozen... Be it from excitement or fear? Well, that's how I fucking feel...
Nothing is ever good enough.... or ever fucking right. And I always miss by a small bit...
And like... fucking... why did he have to be so fucking immature and put me out there like that?? It hurt so bad! Just listening to this person I cared about dog me like that!
I fucking hate men! But I love cock.. But, as a result... I have a scarlets letter... a silent one...
It may go away one day...
My heart hurts...
I wanna cry... But, I'm not depressed... I just..
I wanna be near him... but... I don't wanna scare him away..
Maybe... I'm not cute enough...
I always take my pictures at that angle... it's the only one that compliments my ugly face..
My head hurts...
Will they care when I die---... No... but, yes... It's like.. I don't want them to go away... I think about it all the time..
They're fucking old. His leg is bad... She has a bad knee... His heart is bad.. I worry about her.. him... them.
Please don't go... I know I say mean things, but I love you... I... I swear...