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From the Desktop of the
Aforemost, and most vilely dignified,
Grandest and Highest of Dextrous
Simian Sorcerer Magus.
Last eve, after a hotly and brutally fought tenure in the fiercest of battle with the brutish and disgustingly bearded unit of filthily overripe cock-soldiers that makes up the musical disparity forming “Four Year Strong,” a victor was found soaring high overhead. I will admit, at long anguish and self-scolding, that I doubted my own genius and aptitude in skill at various increments in the fierce struggle with the dogged and foolish (yet occasionally skilled with blade and bullet) bards hailing from the grottos and dirt-cesspools of Worcester, Massachusetts. However, I cast repugnant spells of sperm-snakes and mock-shart-thrifts which confused them to the point of insanity. At which juncture I witnessed the ginger (and three least desirable human members) of the band fall outwards from the Steel-travelling-vessel-dubbed-van and stumble blinded by my fierce simian magic. They fought hard, and they fought well, but when your eyes are carved out through will of madness by a sorcerer weaned on bananas and masturbation, there is little one can do. The two darker haired and swarthiest members dove forth and heeded aid. None of this was to any marked avail, I was the highest ranking member of the Simian Magic League! None could face me and expect to find quarter.
No, when the brash and inkily coated men whose separate devices create the pop-punk outfit ‘FYS’ were shattered with manic lunacy and blackness of vision, I flew low into their traveling unit and grabbed from the ‘dashboard’ a round disc of information known as a ‘compact disc.’ This particular disc had no information to provide on its outer shell, but I knew all too well what, like a squirells unsheathed nut, it held in store for me.
This was the sole mastered copy of “Enemy of the World,” the sophomore release from this embarrassing pop-toilet-punk band.
I had grown tired of their incessant meddling, and have decided to put an end to their lascivious career by hitting them where it hurts.
I knew.
I would post scathing blog-site reviews of their new record all over the internet.
I will ruin them. Four Year Strong take heed my words. You cannot escape the gravity of my depraving review. Prepare to be ruined you dog-pigs and bile-stewed oafs!
-Transcribed via angered dictation,
By order of:
The Desktop of the
Aforemost, and most vilely dignified,
Grandest and Highest of Dextrous
Simian Sorcerer Magus. | | Tags: four year strong, fys, enemy of the world, simian sorcerer magus |
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