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CannonBall!'s Blog
January 7, 2012
01/06/12 at 11:56 PM by CannonBall!
Gotta friend who misses his ex.
Gotta friend addicted to sex.
Gotta friend trying his best.
Gotta friend whoís a real mess.
Gotta lotta friends into art
Gotta lotta friends who drive fast cars.
Gotta lotta friends with a lotta problems.
Gotta lotta friends whoíll never solve them.
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January 6, 2012
01/06/12 at 11:56 PM by CannonBall!
The last time I saw you,
you were so afraid
of what was coming next.
I hope everything
is working out.
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State Street
01/06/12 at 11:56 PM by CannonBall!
The trains hums past
and everyone covers their
ears (tourists)
or they ignore that itís there.
People board
and exit it, and the train
forgets who was there to begin with.
State Street is busy with
the noise of the homeless shaking their change cups
and people talking too loud on
their cell-phones to ignore them.
A guy asks me if I smoke
weed and I deny the offer
because I couldnít afford it
even if I did smoke weed.
Thereís a sign on every street corner
ď3,000 people in Chicago get hit by cars every yearĒ
and some days
I wish I was one of them.
But most days
watching couples holding hands at
the ice-rink in Millennium Park
is enough.
3,000 people will get
hit by cars in Chicago this year.
The train will still hum
and the homeless are still freezing.
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January 4, 2012
01/06/12 at 11:55 PM by CannonBall!
The windchill drops
outside of my apartment,
while everything inside of it shakes
because my upstairs neighbor
loves pop songs and what I assume
are amphetamines.
But tonight all sheís playing
are the sad songs from
the 90ís.
I can hear her above my head
slow dancing
alone.
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January 3, 2012
01/06/12 at 11:55 PM by CannonBall!
Itís weird where life takes you.
Even now Iím in my living room
watch romantic comedies
alone
and I know itís going to leave me
with that lonely sad-shit feeling
in my stomach,
like when I look at old pictures
of my friends and I.
It bums me out
because things arenít the same
anymore.
The only thing thatís the same
is that everything will always change
day after day.
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A Poem for Dan II
01/06/12 at 11:54 PM by CannonBall!
Thereís something fucking sad
about a world where
Daniel Shular gets robbed,
and I canít ride the red-line
or walk anywhere alone.
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January 1, 2012
01/06/12 at 11:54 PM by CannonBall!
This past year
had a lot of bull-shit and bad weather,
So I slept past noon most days
and forgot about my GPA.
My friends and I were ghosts
haunting downtown
and late-night diners.
I read a lot of Ginsburg
and watched a lot of Garden State.
The local Hardeeís burnt down,
and thereís a metaphor there, I think.
I found a bouquet at my doorstep.
Thereís a metaphor there, I think.
Iím not really sure what I think anymore.
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My Anxiety.
02/11/11 at 10:42 AM by CannonBall!
Do you ever get nervous
and start to think to yourself
"What if I wake up and everyone who
ever loved me, doesn't love me
anymore?"
and you tell yourself
"Well, they won't do that
because they love me." but
I remember when I thought I
loved you. Then I didn't.
Then I left. Jesus Christ, I hope
that I'm the only person
like me in the world.
I don't think our hearts could take
it if someone else was
as anxious and moody as me.
I'm too afraid
to sleep anymore, because
I'm afraid I'll wake up
alone.
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I'm Gonna Be on MTV Mama
02/09/11 at 05:24 PM by CannonBall!
I used to buy flowers for girls.

then, theyíd sit on a window sill or next a bed for a week.

then theyíd die.

I used to paint pictures for girls.

then, theyíd hang on a wall or lean against a shelf

then, theyíd collect dust and fall.

I used to have a panic attack daily.

I used to believe in ghosts.

Now, I write things down

and the words still mean something.

Now, I sleep less and talk more

and I fall in love.

Now, I reach out and get burnt

but then I try again.

Iím a lot happier now.

I still get sad, but it comes and goes.

Iím learning to love people.

Even those who hate me (and I think thereís a lot.)

And it doesnít make a difference in the world.
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9:15 AM
02/09/11 at 05:21 PM by CannonBall!
This morning, I looked out the window and saw death, death, and more death.

I closed my blinds and went back to bed
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Special CIA Napkin.
02/09/11 at 05:20 PM by CannonBall!
iím losing my mind piece

by piece. everythingís

coming undone, everything is slipping

out of hand. i am tired, i am lonely,

i am afraid, and

i am nothing like my mother hoped.

ask Hemingway.

ask Plath.

ask Cobain.

ask Curtis.

i guess itís true.

some things just

catch up to

you.
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Doubter.
02/09/11 at 05:18 PM by CannonBall!
Did you ever hear that if you put your ear to a sea shell

youíd hear the ocean? Well, I put my ear to a conch my mom brought

home from her dozenth trip to Florida (God, I hope she moves there someday.)

and all I heard was the fluids in my ear and brain. I listened closer

and still heard nothing. Admittedly, I went in skeptically so maybe the faith wasnít there. i guess if you believe in something enough itíll come

true. maybe. Did you ever hear if you step on a crack youíll break your

motherís back? And when you were angry at your mother did you ever stomp

on a crack in hopes of snapping her spine? I hope I wasnít the only one. Iím glad I didnít believe in that enough for it to happen. And do you ever want something

so much that it hurts? Itís something you write in your notebooks every

day. Itís something you think about at night while you wait to sleep. Itís something youíd sell your left hand for.

but it never

happens.

Maybe the faith isnít there.

Maybe Iím not believing hard enough.

Then I remember Thomas.

He lived, traveled, and ate with Christ. Yet,

he still doubted the resurrection.

I am Thomas.

Show me the holes in the hands

and Iíll show you some faith.

Is this a test?

I was never good at these sorts of things.
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First Entry.
02/09/11 at 05:17 PM by CannonBall!
Itís dark too early this time of year.

My fingers hurt too much to write anymore,

but if I donít write how I feel

I swear to God Iíll lose my mind

again (and itís something thatís really hard to find)

and that has never worked well for me.

Iím in the passenger seat of Ryanís car

listening to the ďonly good Milencolin songĒ

and itís not that good to begin with.

We start talking about how

some people I know werenít so good to me.

And they werenít so good to Jerry or Ryan.

Bukowski once said

ďPeople are not good to each other.

I donít ask them to be,

but sometimes I think about it.Ē

And right now,

Iím thinking about it.

My heart feels nervous.

And Iím unsure who to love

anymore.
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Last Updated: 01/06/12 (893 Views)
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