Ok, listen: So it goes. It can ALWAYS be worse. It is not that bad. It doesn't hurt that much. Don't let the past occupy your present! Only YOU can decide what is the right thing to do. Stop creating problems for yourself. To thine own self be true. Remember, we are all in this together. Love thy neighbor. But wary of the faceless who tell you how you should live your life. $$$$$$$$ is all you are to them. You should know this already, so DON'T FORGET.
The entire universe is spinning, and if ever to lose balance and off its axis, we all vanish. The picture on the Milky Way galaxy is living in suspended time. Past, present, future all exist in one. Lose your ego and you'll see. But we forget. We reach our limit. But only to try again. and again. The more you try, the harder you try the more likely you can win. Gravity brings me down. Even though the Earth is bringing me down, I'll reach for the sky, and never touch the ground. 11/21/12
Time is upon me. It always has. Transfix the limit, to the depth of re-self. A spiritual awakening is upon us. Every ending has a new beginning. 3 days. Uno,dos,tres. Te queiro amor mio lo bueno es que puede ser posible que yo te ha visto en una vida si no en esta. It comes down to me and what I do next, and how hard I do, and how often I can fight off my demons. Life is a test and I get bad marks. 12/18/12
Nostalgia. Taking a step back. Reflecting. Taking a different road. Another chance. A new year. A new beginning. 2012 has been quite a year. It started with a new roommate who for the most part was a good experience. I felt closer and in a more romantic involvement with certain womenfolk at work, but ultimately led to nothing. I was never able to be "good enough" "social enough" whatever enough for the both of them. I still have the music and the moments though. The Dark Tower series was a path I walked alongside of, and it was quite something. It's a cycle, all of this. I've probably been here before, typing this. I'll probably make the same mistakes I always made in my past lives/future lives. All of Spring was leading up to the my decision of whether I was going to stay or go. Towards the end I decided I didn't have the money to make the move, but then my friend died. Aurora happened. I felt like I needed to take a chance and steer my life in what felt right, especially if this could be my last year before we all move on/die. Even then, I was still doubtful. Then another person I used to know tried to kill herself, and I felt like she was going to die as well, and said "No, I can't do this anymore. I can't stay here with no real future in sight." So I moved. It was difficult, and I made one huge mistake in ignoring my debts and thinking I'd be ok. This could have been avoided had the landlady let me move in the early Fall, but I guess there's a reason for that. Now I owe $3800 (From 8925$) and I owe huge monthly payments, and all because I was stupid and ignorant. School was good, I liked it, I did well (Except still slacking a bit, some classes more than others) and got straights A's (surprisingly, confusingly) and then the day I was denied a loan I got pulled over and got pulled in back to the legal system for the 82324th time. I failed, it felt like. But I made it through, and still have to pay for what I've done, and always will. I'm back here in my parents house, back to where I was a long time ago, and it felt like I haven't progressed. But I've had my experiences, and I don't regret moving down south, it was a great experience. I miss some of the people there. A new start. A new beginning, always. I ultimately give this year a B+. Best moments: circle of death with k,m & r. whiskey night with n & b. lunkers with b & co. lack of romantic involvement is depressing, but not surprising.
2013. We're still here. I'm still at Columbia. I've officially have that apartment with that landlady. I have no job, and I have bills to pay. It will not take me forever to find a job like it did in Bloomington, that is not going to happen. I don't know what I'll find, and it might suck, but it'll be something. I can only look foward to the new people I'll meet, to further understanding music, to creating music, to hopefully finally feel like I've got control of the wheel and have a better idea of where I'm heading. I'm not getting any younger. There are just a few things I have to remember..
work on not putting things off
being happier with myself, lighten up my aura.
Write something new. Write something for myself. Write something for thw world. Expand on it. Let the knowledge sink in, don't forget. Love. Live. Remember. Smile. It's the first day of the rest of your life. Make them proud. Show 'em what you're made of. You know what you have inside of you, you know what you're capable of. Let it all out, do it. do. it. 12/26/12
I finished the series today. That ending completely blew me away. I knew what was coming, but I never pictured it happening the way King describes it, an artist truly drawing his masterpiece.
The Gunslinger was a good book, but I was still skeptical if the series would really end up firing on all cylinders. But I enjoyed the read nevertheless, especially Roland and Walter's palaver. 9/10
The Drawing Of The Three was the one that truly drew me in. This was what I was hoping for when I started reading the series, a true work of art sparking my imagination to its fullest extent, with excitement and suspense, never wanting to stop reading. 10/10
The Wastelands was a little slower, but I very much enjoyed Jake's return to Mid-World and the circumstances surrounding it. Roland's cry as his mind was trying to make sense of which reality was real of "Go then, there are other worlds than these" and mourning Jake tug at my heartstrings, and I realized I was truly invested in the characters now. 8/10
Wizard & Glass reinforced my belief that the series had not lost its magic, in fact it really finds it's stride in this book. I took much personal investment in this story more than the others, reminding me of my yearly trips to Mexico during the summer..and meeting that one girl at the dance. And here was when Roland finally looks into the Wizard's Glass and sees his destiny. Bird and bear and hare and fish, give my love her fondest wish. 10/10
Wolves Of The Calla was slow, like The Wastelands..and it probably took me the longest to get through more then the other books, but I still enjoyed the kat-tet's todash experiences in New York with the rose. The fight at the end was exciting too, but short-lived. 7/10
Song Of Susannah was short, but I enjoyed it much. Things get a little off when Susan and Mia palaver in todash Fedic, and its hard to follow Susannah's subconscious trips to memory lane as a college student and being in jail without losing interest somewhere along the way. But other then that, it was an entertaining read. 8/10
The Dark Tower, man..what can I say about this one other than epic to the very extent of the word. It's almost perfect, I was afraid that it wouldn't feel right on how Roland reached the tower at the end of his journey, but King knew exactly what ka had in store for Roland of Gilead. I mourned every death, some expected..some unexpected. I always figured Roland would reach the tower by himself, but I didn't see the death of his ka-tet happening the way it did, but it was Gan's way, just like it should have been. And just like the beginning of the series, Roland just walks..and they continue to walk for months before he's finally in sight of the Tower. The showdown with the Crimson King delivers, just awesome. Then King almost refuses to write the ending, and for a moment after reading the epilogue I thought the door of the tower shutting closed behind him forever would be just the ending he had always planned. That was not cool, but goddamn does King know how be suspenseful as all hell. Roland's journey up the tower was how I had envisioned it in my mind, but much more descriptive by Stephen King's hand. And that ending, that..wow. It really is the only ending, and the right ending isn't it? I feel unfortunate for the MANY people out there who were disappointed. Just like the crazy outcry at the ending of LOST, what is it you wanted? Answers? Well this is real life, and answers don't come easy, no matter how hard you try to find them. And this ending is one that spurs philosophical belief, especially my own personal belief in reincarnation and that life is one big circle, ka is a wheel. Mayhap maybe you'll find the clearing at the end of the path once you've learned from your mistakes and are ready to be one with the world. Noro, nirvana, enlightenment. 10/10
Long days and pleasant nights to all, I say thankya
This is your sigul, whispered the fading voice that bore with it the dusk-sweet scent of roses, the scent of home on a summer evening - O lost! - a stone, a rose, an unfound door; a stone, a rose, a door.
I think of the characters in this story, I think of the people in my life. Sheemie, one who may not always understand everything but has nothing but a good heart and good intentions. Susan, my lover. Oy, my heart. Jake and Eddie, my brothers. To aim with my hand is to forget the face of my father. To shoot with my hand is to forget the face of my father. To kill with my gun is to forget the face of my father. I kill with my heart. Stand and be true.
To me, how this series has meant to me, there were two moments (besides that ending!) that popped out at me and truly rewarded my own experience reading it more than any other moment during the entire series. They were in book IV: Wizard And Glass and in V: Wolves Of The Calla.
In book IV: Roland finally looks into the wizard's glass..and there he sees his destiny, his fate. He floats away inside the glass and sees many a thing, He sees a billy-bumbler being flown across the sky for a moment blocking Old Mother from view and becoming impaled on a cottowood tree branch. Oy! And there I had a glimpse of the future, a knowing truth..that Oy would always die this way.
In book V: Roland dreams, a memory, the battle at Jericho Hill. And when Cuthbert fell, Arthur Eld's horn fell as well. He could have paused to pick it up, it would only take a second, but he didn't.. and Roland went to Cuthbert at his side, dying..but still laughing. And so Roland cried his heart out with the faces of all his fathers.
And as Roland lays down the cross given to him by Aunt Talitha and the sandalwood grips and revolver given down generations to him to enter the tower, he remembers for a moment the horn, the one that still may be laying there on Jericho Hill to this day. At this point in the book I was freaking out, thinking that the very last door wouldn't open for him because he didn't bring the horn..but thank the gods, Gan, whathaveyou, that was not how it ended. No, it ends with a new beginning..this time Roland with the horn by his side, mayhap this time things can be different.
SPOILER ALERT: Do not read unless you've finished the entire series first.
I reached the top of the tower today and awoke as if I had escaped into a dream. Some memory lingering farther and farther out of reach. I can't remember what it was, but that it was important. Whatever, life goes on.
About say 2004/2005 a coworker of mine was talking to my just freshly high school graduated self about Stephen King and specifically about the series she had read called "The Dark Tower" I, thinking I'd rather not wait to read the entire series myself to see how it ended, asked my coworker, 'what happens at the end?" and she tells me, "He basically opens a door back into the beginning." This didn't surprise me, an ending like that almost made sense. But I didn't know what it meant. And so about 7 or 8 years later, I began reading The Gunslinger sometime around Christmas, it could have even been 12/19 mayhap, I wouldn't doubt it. And now today 5/19 I've finally reached the top for myself, having read and dreamt and lived alongside these characters for the past 6 months.
And for a moment I knew what it was all about.
Cause you see, the tower is everything. It circles out like a stone thrown in a pond. The ripples flowing out towards everything that surrounded it. From within and without. Beautiful.
And what is at the center of all? Even in the middle of Roland's journey towards the top of the tower, he stops to bid Susan a farewell, but not daring to go in. His love.
But the reason to live, to exist, is the journey, of course, that's what it's all about. Stopping every once in awhile to smell a rose here and there. Embracing its scent, we enjoy. And then we go on, eventuallly reaching the end and slowly making our way towards the top, the stairs becoming narrower and narrower until we *?* until we what exactly? We wake up.