tormented lust's Blog
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| more today than yesterday |
| saturday was my birthday!!! im officially 18! hell yeah! i can buy cigs nd other stuff i culdnt buy when i was 17 lolz. idk wut else to say so ill just continue with my day. i need food | |
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| FML |
| im so done. i thought life wuz good. fuck that. im so sick ov it all. | |
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| feelin good |
im not sure what to say, so i guess ima just do a random rant about things in my life.
well lets start with the new man in my life. i had recently decided to remain single till AFTER i got out of bootcamp for the airforce. BUUUUT here comes jesse, and im head over hills again... idk how he did it, but he tore down the brick wall around my heart.
i want to be scared and wry about what comes next, but my heart isnt letting me. is this wierd? he wants me to move in with him this summer, but my parents want me to spend my last summer at home. so idk wut to do about that.i cant ait untill september, thats when ill be leaving for bootcamp. the airforce is a great basis for my life, and im hoping im very successfull in this field. i hope i get assigned as a mental health psychiatrist, because i know i could easily excell in this field of study.
my birthday is in 11 days!!!! finally ill be 18!!!!! sweet!!! lol. im gonna buy a scratch off, pack of cigarettes, a porno, and go to a club just because i can. HELL YEA!!! my boyfriend is taking me shopping on my b-day also, and he said that hes giving me a $200 gift card for abercrombie... hmmm... not rlly my style, but hey, free clothes! lolz.i think im in a good spot in my life at the moment.; not much is going wrong, and im happier than ive been in a rlly long time. i hope this feeling lasts a while. cuz im tired of being depressed. it sux! lol well i guess ive ranted long enough.
love you!!!!
Katie | |
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| inevitable |
i am different
try not to deny me this right
i dwell in the darkness
do not label me
dont even try
im not what you think
yesterday i cried
today the mask emerges
tomorrow belittles me
i try to keep my composure
i deny the inevitable
i conquor my fears
i want to believe
that things will change
just tell me what to do | |
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| September |
just another day
lost in limbo
a constant reminder im still alive
ive been happier
ive been worse
now im just... here
i used to believe in love
i used to believe in hope
i used to believe
september awaits
with welcoming arms
taunting me with its presence
can i wait for its embrace
am i strong enough
is there a way?
fake a smile
force a laugh
continue towards tomorow
looks like i have no other choice
i will continue
i will let myself go to limbos act
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| hmm... |
| it has been a really long time since i've blogged... i'm constantly on looking at bands and new music, but i always forget to post a blog... i've been halfway decent lately... still waiting for september to arrive... it's so far away!!! i can't wait :) | |
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| webs of tomorow |
the future awaits
chalk lines on the sidewalk
easily washed away
blue, pink, and black
green, oarnge, and purple
all the different colors for tomorrow
a spider web in the corner of your room
spun in but a few minutes
now wait for an innocent being become the next meal
lace corpses lie six feet under
remember their lives
what did they do
obtain a respect for today
for tomorrow is never promised
appreciate the life you are given | |
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| ??? |
| my best friend kissed me yesterday... she rlly caught me off guard... i've never made out with a girl before... well... i take that back... i've never made out with a girl sober... but i did yesterday... it's kinda wierd... i much rather prefer guyz | |
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| never hurt me |
i let your smile caress my heart
i want your kiss to be with me forever
i trust your eyes when you say you love me
i'm scared for whats coming next
i've fallen before
it hurt so much
would you ever do that to me
hurt me to no return
let me be decieved?
i want to give my heart another chance to love
the chance to live life again
the will to start anew
i'm wanting to start again
to do things right
give you the chance to be my love
so here i am
arms awaiting
heart open to only you
please don't hurt me
treat me the way i know i should
for i will never hurt you | |
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| this circle never ends |
| marine men treat air force girls with so much respect... i think i'm falling again... but this time i'm ready... this feels different... he treats me right... we have so much in common... he makes me want to be a better person... i just don't want to get hurt again... ah fuck it... i'm ready to try again... for real this time... i'm gonna do things right this time :) | |
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| mask |
| i just don't care nemore... i wuz getting better... the mask becoming a brick wall hiding my pain within... no1 knew the pain i was still withholding... whats the point anymore? no1 cares, friends = liers... just fuck it all... heres me, no mask, no lies... i honestly could give a shit less anymore... | |
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| the conversation |
him:
i never knew exactly what to do
when it wouldn't last forever
your silence said everything
i could ever need to remember
but what did you decide upon now
i composed a little luliby somehow
i never know what to say
to show you the way to bed
your wrestling in the dark
with all the things you said
but i don't know what to make of you
when you say it in my ear...
"BOO"
me:
'The Pain Of Departure'
baby... i love you so much
but this is for the best
the pain of departure will hurt so much more
the future is uncertain
but one thing is for sure
i don't want to hear the pain in your voice
long night's of 'I Love You's'
short days when we're together
time went by so fast
but...
it will just hurt so much more
if we delay this much longer
so far away...
yet so near to my heart
i feel your grasp upon my soul
i don't want to let this go
however this fantasy
must turn into a reality
him:
you say i'm a habit
that's why we depart
you say i'm a good person
i have a bad heart
it's man-made
no it's real
it's hidden in the shade
the only thing i feel
you say you couldn't live without me
well...
i couldn't love you anymore
me:
"Learn To Hate Me"
your sweet melody gently lulls
to pleasant dreams
of you and me
lying in a perfect world
sweet birds singing
no pain welcomed
please...
just learn to hate me
me:
I'm sorry
him:
sal' good
him:
so... you've made your decision
me:
... I think so...
him:
... what is it?...
me:
... i'm so sorry... i love you so much... but it's for the best...
him:
ok... does that still mean we can be friends?...
me:
that's what i would really like... i can't lose you... I love You... | |
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| ... why?... |
| ... he's with her... we just ended things... he said he waas so in love with me... he could never love another... less than a week... right in front of me... hands entangled... why? | |
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| my last tear |
a surrender to your soliloque
the chance to start anew
i can't understand this side of you
your laughter reminds me of a better tommorrow
the first star in the dark night sky
filling a hollow place where i used to cry
the birds lulliby
i can finally hear
gratefully i sweep away my last tear
appreciation for the roses first bloom
time to turn the page for something new
is it possible that this could be true?
it's five in the morning
you tell me to sleep
but if i do... i'll awake in a weep
the moons glow calls to me
a reminder that your still there
am i foolish enough to believe that you might care? | |
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| dark fantasies |
it's like i've woken
arose from my slumber
awaken to confusion
i swore to myself
never again
i wouldn't allow it
is this but a dream?
another one of my dark fantasies?
does my heart decieve me yet again?
how do i convince you?
please just stop
you are so talented
you won't find happiness
at the bottom of that bottle
just another empty glass
you try so hard
to please everyone
but yourself
can't you see?
your suffering
let me help | |
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