Eleven days into a new year and a lot of things have closed from their late beginnings of last year.
Thinking about my future lately. Where I want to take it, how I want to spend my time. The biggest point in my future I guess would be me turning twenty huh? Which is (if you didn't know) the 25th of this month.
Am I scared? Yeah.
Am I unsure why I'm scared? Yeah
Suck it the fuck up, 20 is awesome man!
For some reason twenty, to me at least, is a big step to what's next on the agenda. When I turned ten the next five years of my life were easy to map out. What was it anyway? "Go to school, get into high school, play video games and continue slacking off." But at fifteen the next five years were a little more darker to see. "Continue high school, don't fuck up, get a car? get a job? get a girlfriend?, graduate and go to college" Most of them are optional (and weren't done whatsoever) but it was still easier to figure out.
But at twenty, that's even harder and there are a lot variables and pretty big steps to be taken. What are the next steps? Graduate college, commit to a relationship, hopefully it works out...and then marriage? and then have kids? But what if kids happen first? What if I never graduate college? What if I go crazy and just decide to off everyone near me and set my friends on fire? Who the fuck knows.
Just the fact that the future is really unseen and the steps that are expected to be taken are huge leaps, is hard for me to fathom at this point. I guess I might have had this same feeling when I was younger too, I can't really remember.
Other than that horribly written thought, January has been kind.
Cannot believe how much things have changed and spiraled down from their high point. But with failure, there comes hope.