"Of the three people I wanted to keep in touch with after the summer, you are officially the last one standing"
I sent that text message tonight, and despite the slightly comical tone to it, it was in all seriousness. It's probably my fault that the other two people (all three were girls, probably relevant) and I are more than likely never going to talk again. I dated one for about two weeks, and before anything got really "official", she broke it off. It wasn't that she broke it off, much more the manner in which she did so, that ruined any possibilities of friendship. But more than that, she expected us to be best friends like we were before right away. She even started telling about some new guy. That was enough for me.
The second girl is the one mentioned in my earlier blog posts. On the last day that she worked (which was two days before camp actually ended), I sent her a long, overdrawn, sappy text message that basically detailed that despite what happened, I wanted to be friends. She, in much shorter form, said that she did too. We talked a couple of times after camp, and she ignored my text messages twice (on Tuesday and Wednesday). I had certainly kept wishful thinking, and was hoping that she either didn't get them or her phone was broken or something of the like. It wasn't, she got them. Apparently we're not friends. Guess I didn't get the memo.
So, anyone who reads my blog knows that I had a tangled trainwreck of a Crush in late '08, ending in me getting rejected. It took me a while to get back on my feet, but I did it. A friend told me 2 people that like (that term feels really immature, but I don't know what else to say) me, and I've been thinking a lot. Option 1 has friends that literally hate my guts, it's pretty unbelievable. Problem is that she was the really cute one, the one I'd talked to, and the one I liked over the summer. Option 2 I don't know as well, she's not as cute, but she's a lot funnier. I've been weighing options and thinking over scenarios in my head. All of them seem tarnished by my terrible history with "dating" (it was middle school, can I even call it that?).
Here's a rundown, I won't use names:
1. 6th Grade, very ugly, 2 weeks in said she loved me and that when we're older we should get married. I break it off.
2. 6th Grade, very pretty, girl I liked for a while, we date for a week or two, she's breaks it off.
3. 7th Grade, girl I dated for around 8 months, around 6 she kind of alienated me, ignored me, I broke it off. We're good friends now.
4. Summer between 7th/8th, Girl I'd liked for a while, hot, funny, we date for a week, breaks up with me in an e-mail, we talk a lot at camp, now we're good friends.
5. Summer/8th Grade, girl I met at camp, lived in my town, went to different school, first kiss, we date "seriously" for 3 or 4 months, one of my camp friends tells her I want to feel her up, I didn't say it, she gets pissed, we break up in a phone call on the bus to the airport on the washington trip.
6. 8th Grade, rebound girl, went on 2 dates, her friend calls and breaks up with me for her
7. 8th Grade, Girl I really liked, hot, fun, we went out once, was exceedinly awkward, I broke up with her
8. 8th Grade, Girl I kinda liked, wasn't that hot, were "dating" for a month, we go out, she randomly breaks it off
9. 8th Grade, Girl I barely new, go on one date, it was fine, go back, get into a huge fight on AIM, break up (mutual)
10. 8th Grade, Girl I dated for a total of probably 8 months. We see eachother a few times, we make out, feel-up, her parents see an AIM conversation we had, they flip a shit, say I'm forbidden to talk to her or see her, we continue secretly talking, finally get to see eachother, go on a few more dates, her friend lies and says I cheated on her (which I most definitely did not), she breaks up with me in a Voicemail message. We get back together, she goes to camp, I don't. She cheats, sends a letter breaking up with me.
I was single all last year. Any sort of advice or anything would be helpful.
So, recently, I've noticed that my tastes have been moving in the direction of Pitchfork-esque stuff. For example my last.fm this week, which I'll post in the thread later, contained Deerhunter, Broken Social Scene, Los Campesinos!, Grizzly Bear, Explosions In The Sky, Pavement, Arrows, Fleet Foxes, Beck, Times New Viking, The Gaslight Anthem, and Animal Collective. The only two outliers are Fall Out Boy and City and Colour (who would fit into Pitchforks playlist just fine, but they are more centered in this scene). It's not necessarily a concious thing, but it's just what I like. I even added some of my favorite old pop-punk records (ATL, Mayday Parade's debut EP) because I'm in Hawai'i, but I haven't wanted to listen to them. It'll be interesting to see what direction this takes as we move into 2009.
I'm working on an updated list for my top of 08. I hadn't heard the Los Campesinos! or Deerhunter records, both of which will probably fall top 10.
Goddamnit. So, I wake up today, excited as all hell to head to best buy and purchase Folie A Deux. Around 3rd period it stared snowing, around 6 it started really snowing. And now, I can't go pick up the album. Hopefully I'll get it tomorow, but I am extremely pissed off at the moment.
It took me a long time, but I finally grew out of you. Riot! finally became boring to me, and I stopped listening. This was around December of last year, right around when all of the girls caught on. I hadn't really thought or cared about them since. Recently I heard "Decode" and goddamnit. The song is everything I didn't want to love about Paramre, but did, amped up 1000 times. I can not get that song out of my head. If their next album is like this, I will have no choice but to listen.
Indie Cred = Out The Window
I'm going to go listen to Grizzly Bear and try and make myself feel better.
I again end this with, Fuck You, Paramore.
Also, I saw the new Jeffree Star thing at best buy today, lol.
EDIT: While I'm committing indie suicide, I love Panic At The Disco, ...Live In Chicago and Pretty.Odd. are both really, ridiculously good albums, just because they released a generic dance-pop-punk-emo thing doesn't mean they didn't release a hell of an album now.
Almost a month after a near mental breakdown due to a rejection, I'm back on my feet, and ready to play the game again. Even though it feels like a very short time after to me, I've accepted the fact that there was never anything there (A funny side note, one of my friends asked her out last week, got shut the fuck down, another one of my friends is probably gonna do it also, I put my money on him from the beginning, even over me, this kids got a shot) and I'm better from it. I probably won't fall that hard again, and I almost certainly won't get in so goddamn deep. I spent almost the entire day texting a mutual friend of a new girl that I'm thinking about. Maybe there will be something there, maybe there won't be, but I'm not going to be as vulnerable this time around.
As far as reviews go, I'm working on Russian Circles, Past Lives, Mogwai, Fucked Up, Johnny Foreigner, and one for Weezer's Pinkerton which is one of my favorite records of all time.
September was a roller coaster ride (that probably started somewhere in hell). I fell head-over-heels for one of my friends, asked her to homecoming and she said yes. I was ignored for a great deal of the dance (which we were at for around an hour), but we went back to my friends house and talked for a really long time. So, I thought about asking her out after that, but I guessed it would be best to just not do anything. Ever since then, I've spent most of my time sitting listening to intricate, simple. beautiful music, which has been nice. But leaving myself to the wrath of my thoughts and feelings was not. I've probably forced myself through a lot of this, for my own twisted introspective curiosities. I wish I could figure out how I think, so I could predict what happens next. However, as I sit her right now listening to Minus The Bear (a little more complicated, it adds flavor) I'm still flipping through ever possible scenario if I ask her out. We hung out and talked for a while yesterday, but I can't tell what she thinks of me. If she were to say yes, I'd be on top of the fucking world, but if she said no, I'd probably just listen to a lot of Bright Eyes (and I mean a lot of Bright Eyes) and eventually move on. Either way, I just need to know what she thinks, this ignorance is killing me. I figure that most of this is just me screwing myself up, maybe I think more because of it, or maybe it's hurting me in some other way. I don't know, and I don't think there is any possible way to find out. It's 1 in the morning and I could easily spend another hour thinking, and probably will. Fuck this. It's all my own mind fucking with me, but there is nothing I can do about it, I'm probably in too deep, but I don't know what else to do. If you have any suggestions a comment or PM would be great.
After seeing the dark knight and sleeping for a little, I now have time to reflect on what is possibly my favorite movie of all time. The way it was portrayed was absolutely spectacular. The camera work was nearly flawless. Every move was captured perfectly. They highlighted all of the right things in every single scene.
Christian Bale did an amazing job of exposing Batman's inner turmoil. He makes it very clear how he feels about everything without actually vocalizing it. He showed a lot more anger in this movie than he did in the previous one. His pure spite for all that was bad or wrong is a large part of what made his character so great.
However, this movie would have been nothing, nothing, without Heath Ledger. His performance was 100% perfect. Every move, every word, ever expressions was absolutely perfect. He said everything with just the right amount of attitude and arrogance. To put it simply. he was one of the funniest characters that I've ever seen (including in actual comedies) in an extremely serious movie. He also did the one thing that I thought he couldn't do. I thought that no person could have possibly played the Joker better than Jack Nicholson. I was proven wrong and can now happily eat my ignorant words.
The Dark Knight have said the bar higher for superhero movies. Spiderman won't top this, Superman won't top this. No superhero movie that I've ever seen has come close to this. The writing was near perfect, the camera work was near perfect, and the acting was near perfect. This movie is one for the ages.
I'm having quite the shitfest of a day. Well, the only time I've laughed was at the F'N MTV commercial that was posted. Hate the show, love that promo. Anyway, hope you're all having a better day then me.