Since my last blog (last episode, last chapter, last fuckery etc.) I've been trying to look up. Not to say that things aren't looking up, because they most definitely are. School, hobbies, new friends and some new experiences. Basically, things are as up as much they can be at his point.
Now back to the beginning: I've been trying to find meaning in everything. Or somethings. Why all of...that happened is really yet to be explained. I just don't believe that something as devastating and completely mind altering just happens to happen. No, no it had to happen for a reason right? It's possible I'm just humoring myself. Anything is possible.
But I've been better. Oh yeah, believe me I've been better since then. "Trying to remain optimistic yet aware" is what I would call all of this, all of my feelings and mindset into one little sentence.
Of course I'm not going crazy or prancing around like Michael Cera or daydreaming of what could have been, I'm okay for now. I'm content.
And you know? I like that.
And sometimes that itself is hard to grasp. Being content with content shouldn't be a hard feeling to understand, but it is. It is when you're used to things being really satisfying or complete shit. Happy or miserable.
Rarely in the last three years of my life have I found anything in between those two feelings(I don't really know where to place "confused" so I'll ignore that). And that's what's weird to me; almost being scared simply because this just new to me, but it's exciting too.