I feel so fucking down on my luck lately. I'm in a rut that I can't get out of. I'm really irritable and don't know why. I generally like to consider myself a nice guy, but now that I realize that being a nice guy gets you nowhere in life, I just end up frustrated and bitter.
Maybe what they say is right. "You don't stand up for yourself; you bend over backwards for others, but don't always do what YOU want to." That has got to be one of the most depressing things to hear, I must say. I thought that being a good guy gives off the impression that you're dependable, friendly, trustworthy. What does it actually show? That apparently I don't have a backbone.
Between full-time school and three big volunteer positions, I just don't have any "me" time anymore. I need a break, time to just go relax and get refreshed. It's just depressing thinking that I can't do so for another year or so. Commitments that were made, goals to achieve. But is it all worth it in the end if I'm miserable and I don't get any respect for any of it?
The past few weeks have just been awful, and I never really bitch about my life. Admitting the above is surprising, even to myself. I need something to come up soon that will just completely reinvigorate me... that will reinvent me. I need something new in my life, fast, or I will just slowly go insane.