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|the worst of music
|I dislike a lot. So much in fact it becomes a running joke to see what thing in normal conversation will tick me off (yes, people say tick me off still). But one of those things that pushes my buttons and has become something of a theme in my last few entries (which are oddly numerous) is particular bands. As an aside, if someone can find a sufficient and intelligent reason for liking a piece of shit, I have no quarrel with that. But if someone takes that piece of shit, compares it to what I enjoy, and comes to the conclusion that they "like good music", which in itself is a baseless argument as music is totally subjective, then you just piss me off. If you admit to liking Good Charlotte because it's "mindless catchy pop" then all the more power to you, and I respect you for accepting the band for what it is. But if you like Good Charlotte because it's "good music" or it's "punk rock", then you lack all of those things that make you a capable human being (those being logic and reasoning).|
But to serve as a guide for those that give a shit (all six of you) I decided to go ahead and jot down a couple of examples of those musical endeavors whose existence makes me wake up angry. I'm going to forgo some of the obvious ones (Creed, Nickelback, Korn, Disturbed, Papa Roach, new Avenged Sevenfold, Panic! At The Disco and NUMEROUS others) because it would be a waste of time and space. Eventually, I'm going to write down a list of those bands that I particularly enjoy and why, but because criticizing is much easier than praising, on with the hate! (Photos and quotes courtesy of last.fm)
Bring Me The Horizon
Brainless, scene-rific, metalcore, aimed for the Hot Topic crowd that lacks any and all sense of cohesive purpose behind their "music". Nevermind that they're named after a line from Pirates of the Caribbean (immediately acknowledging their shallowness) but their own lead singer said himself, "We're fucking horrible. Girls only like me because of my hair." The screaming is on "Davey Havok Level", which means it's terrible. Scenester band like you read about, and one of the reason for the continuing bastardization of music.
Drop Dead, Gorgeous
God, I could pretty much copy and paste my reason for hating Bring Me The Horizon for this carbon copy (and yes, a lot of these bands are scene-rific). Here's a list of song titles: Dress For Friend Requests, Fashion Your Seatbelts, and Bullets Are Scene. If Hot Topic ever personified a group of human beings, it's this, and it makes me sick.
Take everything you hate about every "goth" band (which isn't a genre by the by) and add songs about suicide. I don't know how someone can wake up in the morning and go, "Yeah, Alesana sounds like the thing to listen to", without laughing.
Escape The Fate
I thought these guys were Papa Roach when I saw one of their music videos, because they sound exactly like Papa Roach (which is the worst thing you can do). But put song titles like Friends and Alibis, and Makeup on there and it's "post hardcore".
Also, for funzies, here's the typical Escape the Fate fan, unedited:
"hah!yew guess r the hawtest band that ever egsisted!max green n ronnie radke r like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hawt. lol.sorry.n the first son i heard was not good enough,then..situations,chariot,fri ends andalibis" - xxxXmaxXxxx
...and it's dead serious too.
From First to Last
The pseudo-emo poster boys for a while. Their "ballad" "Emily" is only 2 chords. The most talentless vocalist on the planet, the asshole in the middle, is now in an even shittier solo act that is trying so hard to be Blaqk Audio (incidentally, who would want to?) but fails so bad that it sounds like a drunk four year old kicking a synth while incoherently shouting something about a lost girl. But the band itself managed to strangle several of my friends into saying that this is the best band in the world....really.
I know what you're thinking, "Hey, their guitarist died, you can't make fun of them now." Fucking hell I can. Do I pity Casey's family and friends? Yes, yes I do. But I personally cannot respect an individual in death that I did not respect in life. THIS BAND HANDS OUT RAZORBLADES TO THEIR FANS AT THEIR SHOWS. Fuck that, and fuck these wastes of air who under Victory Records illegal marketing strategies managed to squirm their way to the top of the charts with terrible singing, even worse screaming, hackneyed lyrics, and three guitarists when it's power chords for God's sake!
Now HH managed to wriggle out a little respect when they left Victory and had their feud with them, but then lost it completely when they went crawling back to them, desperate for money and the need to be relevant again.
Greeley Estates sound like every single "post hardcore" band you've ever heard. There is absolutely nothing special, interesting, or good in this band. Their claim to fame? They're drive to be the best of the nothing special, interesting or good. I'm not kidding. They know they sound like everyone else, and they're okay with it. Why?
Pop post hardcore. Absolutely terrible singing and offensive screaming with poppy "breakdowns". Their songs are all the same damn thing as well, and I think their hair speaks for itself.
A Skylit Drive
Ten years from now, every single one of these bands is going to look back and think, "Man, I looked like a douchebag." Now, despite the fact that "skylit" isn't even a god damned word, this band lost all credibility with their ridiculously poppy music that even Hawthorne Heights would go, "Dude, grow some balls."
My American Heart
The laziest band I've ever seen. One would think that if you're going to sacrifice your dignity to this whole pussy-punk fad that one would try and do something worthwhile. My American Heart break that mold by not doing anything interesting, or good, at all. I mean nothing. I mean, you cannot sit through an entire song of their's without expecting something to happen. I mean a band of twelve year olds writing songs about their allowance can write better stuff than this. Even my friends that like shitty music think that My American Heart is boring.
Funny story, we got guest passes to see Just Surrender, Quiet Drive, and My American Heart at Xtreme Wheelz in Buffalo. We figure, hey free show, and Just Surrender ain't bad. So after My American Heart plays and bores the crowd to tears, we were walking to interview Just Surrender. Keith points at this shirt that I'm convinced was a girl's shirt that MAH was selling and he's like, "Hey, how about one of those?", to which I respond, "Yeah, if I woke up one morning and said, 'Yeah, I'm a douchebag today, I think I'll wear this piece of shit t-shirt that is probably for girls.'" The second I finish talking, the guitarist of MAH walks past me, wearing that t-shirt. He shoots a look to me and Keith, and we just start laughing at the asshole.
All Time Low
Every road trip we listen to this band both ways because I really cannot explain how bad my friend Chris's music taste is. It's power pop, emphasis on pop. The N*Sync of power pop. This band will make millions and annoy me all the more.
I defended Aiden once...they were getting destroyed by this crowd of assholes at an It Dies Today/Silverstein show (why did I go?) and I felt bad. It's over, and this is seriously one of the worst bands to come out of the last 20 years. Victory Records Pseudo-goth-core. Every single show they say the following, "Okay you guys, I want all of you motherfuckers to grab hold of the person next to you and put your arm around them. I just want you to know that through all of this darkness and despair that we go through every day, there is a light at the end of that dark tunnel. This song is called "The Last Sunrise'." Every, fucking, show. They also do a wall of death every show. This shit makes My Chemical Romance look like Slayer. This band is pure, unadulterated, bullshit.
Don't believe me?
Hailey's hot. There. That's only reason this band receives any airplay, because it sure as balls isn't for the music. It's simple, derivative, modern rock crap that only appears to be original because it's a young chick singing instead of that Evanescence girl. Just as bad, if not worse than Avirl Lavigne, but the funniest thing is that Paramore fans are afraid that they'll sell out with their next album, as if they're punk rock as shit now. I weep for modern music.
Bad singing, screaming, riffs, melodies, and breakdowns. Boring, uninteresting, and trite. The effort I put into this writing is equal to the effort they put into their music.
Four Year Strong
Pretend you're listening to Taking Back Sunday, and then there's a breakdown. A totally out of place, irrelevant, breakdown. That is FYS, a pop punk band that is grasping at straws to get the hardcore kids to like them by using absolutely horrible breakdowns with duel pop singing, synths, and power chords. Fuck this band and they're an insult to anyone who has ever liked hardcore.
And finally, the mack mother fucking daddy......
The Devil Wears Prada
Hey gents, I have an idea! Let's take metalcore, death metal, hardcore, and pop punk, and throw them all together, but only take the catchy aspects of every single one, so that there's not a trace of anything genuine or original in our music and we therefore rape the genres from which we steal and hurt them by association with our piece of shit that we call...well what do we call such an abomination? Hey! We're Christian right? How can we have such a terrible band but still have a philosophy of we're holier than thou that can be shown through our band name?
"It's the same concept as our lyrics "emeralds hold no hope" and many many others. What we believe it to mean is that possessions don't matter at all and someday everyone will realize that this is true. When standing before God, He won't care about your sweet Prada scarf or Gucci shoes or whatever. It's a Christian reasoning for the name, we didn't name it to attempt at being fashionable or whatever."
But God loves girl pants like fat kids love cake.
Hot Topic masturbates to the thought of a band like this, one that can attract the uneducated, ignorance of the fans of many genres. And who do they collaborate with on several tracks? Fucking Chiodos just so you know that they can bring in that hot 12 year old groupie audience.
I also know a girl that has sucked every member's dick, so we can add hypocrisy to that list.
I left a lot of bands out that deserve some hate (cute is what we aim for, silverstein, the used, three days grace, etc) primarily because while I don't like those bands, they really don't create the sense of disgust I feel whenever any of these bands are played or mentioned. I'd prefer if folks wouldn't leave comments trying to defend these bands because I really don't care about your opinion enough to defend my own.
|Tags: devil wears prada, drop dead gorgeous, all time low, a skylit drive, four year strong