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Across the Spenser
|It's been hard to write lately. Not because I have a block but because there's just too much to write about. A lot has happened. |
I pulled the curtain a little more on two of my closest friends and saw what was really behind it.
In simplest terms: my trust was broken numerous times within this past month. My best friend and my now ex-girlfriend were going behind my back. What they were doing exactly is up for interpretation. Conflicting stories and lack of cooperation on simple questions leads me to believe the worst, but who the fuck knows. I found out about all of this through lurking(could save lives, could also end) and within three feet of my best friend sitting near me. I'm not a violent guy, so I didn't do anything like that. But I did kick him the fuck out.
I was 70x7'd, in Brand New terms.
I still can't grasp that my best friend of ten years felt the need to do that. I was dating this girl for three and a half years now, and he needed to do that? He wanted to and went for it? And she let him. She said she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to ruin the friendship.
Well then............................... .............
And what's even more fucking boggling is the lack of logic in the situation. He was my best friend of ten years AND living with me. I gave him a place to stay during the summer. So, he felt the need to try and fuck me over? What kind of logic is that? It's something that would make a Vulcan commit suicide. It doesn't make sense.
I haven't felt like myself throughout all of this. Contacting old friends, trying to just talk to fucking anybody. I feel pathetic.
A lot of broken plans filled the rest of the month while I found out about more lies that I was told throughout my relationship. Which has been terrible to deal with as majority of these lies and actions went on in my bedroom. A place which lost a lot of meaning as sleep is barely done inside of it now.
I went into exile to Orlando with a friend. Leaving my cellphone at the hotel while I did whatever the fuck I wanted to in the resort.
Swim, eat, drown. All things were done and considered.
My ex is now dating another guy, not my friend, but the guy that she was cheating on me with. He claims he's the better man throughout all of this, but clearly he's an idiot. Let someone take the things you care about the most and then see how you start to act about it all. He reminds me of Glenn Beck with the way he parts his sentences and think he can make points out of debunked points. He can get fucked and fisted.
Let's call him Goomba.
He seriously looks like this. I was about to ask "what was she thinking?" but I'm almost 99% sure she's NOT.
Now, I told myself I wouldn't shit talk him or her, but I've also been bent over non-stop for the past month. Fuck it.
It's been a month since all of this shit began. Am I doing better? Yeah, but it's hard to not miss months ago, when I was blind to all of the truth.
I think its safe to say "I've only got myself to blame" but recently I heard of a philosophy: "Some people are horrible, and the rest are just better liars." and these days, that is so true.
B is for believing you'd always be here for me.
E is for everything, even when we'd see it though.
C, C is for seeing through you, you are a fake,
which brings me to A because, because, you always run away.
|Tags: fuck, break up, lies, june, hell, god is dead