The hardest part of writing an entry is writing the beginning. I think. I can't seem to figure out what I want to write about and then, afterward, how to write about that subject.
I could go on for hours on how majority of my week is spent babysitting miserably(due to lack of sleep). How much I hate Dora and Diego, along with those fucking Backyardigans. But then I think of how my babysitter must have felt when I watched Dragon Ball Z, or some other show on Toonami. At least kids' shows back then had some realism to them(is that the right word?). Hey Arnold!, Doug, Rugrats...
I'll stop now before I start crying.
Maybe I can write about how I learned that a girl who sat next to me most of my senior year may or may not have killed her baby sister when she was in her early teens. Yeah. Holy fuck. Think about how I felt when I learned that from the girl herself. Or how my friend felt, who literally slept next to her earlier that week. I can't even try to go further into discussion with this subject, I'm still in shock. I'm also still in the midst of buying a firearm.
My birthday though, which was two weeks ago, was nice. Turning 20 for me just feels...a bit pathetic. Now whenever I go to the local Starbucks or walk through Target, I feel my 15-year-old self behind me asking "Why is that guy here? Didn't he graduate two years ago?"
For the record, if I met my 15-year-old self, I'd need weeks to explain how to prepare for the fuckery of the next five years. And that's including this past month.
I'm sure at some point during the week I'll go back to this entry and expand on a lot of points. So yes, we can dwell in time travel subjects.
It seems to be getting harder and harder to get out of bed everyday. I used to wake up around eleven or twelve because I knew you would be coming over around three. Now I'm lucky if I'm out of bed by then.
There's times where you get my hopes up and make me think that you will be coming over again around four, but I'm constantly disappointed in the broken plans and your lame excuses.
"Testing water for class."
"I'm out with friends."
"I have no ride."
"I'm stuck at school."
I just hope that at one point in your empty promises you'd just be straight and say "Hey, I don't want to fucking see you. So I'm going to stop telling you I might be able to." Because it's really fucking upsetting and it's not right of you to talk like you care when that's obviously not going on.
Tonight hopefully I see an old friend and I have a good time. If not, I'm sure in the next month my schedule will be so busy I won't even be able to remember your face. Though I miss it.