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Life with an Apostrophe
|Jokes You Make About the Black Guy with the Blonde Dye Job
|1. Dennis Rodman|
This has got to be the most common one. "Whoa! Dude! You look like Rodman!" Endless guffaws, yadda yadda yadda. He is not a handsome guy, and I am not a world-class rebounder. I was Dennis Rodman for Halloween when I was nine years old and it was the talk of my elementary school, so I sort of feel a special kinship with the guy, and that provides some kind of a buffer against hearing this joke over and over again. My stint as Rodman as a fourth-grader- complete with feather boa- was kind of an important step in the development of my boldness and nonconformism, or maybe more basically, ability to tune out narrow-minded assholes and be comfortable with people staring at me all the time, so I guess there is something of a sentimental attachment. Androgyny builds character!
At work, there is a guy who insists on trying to start up a chorus of "The Thong Song" every time I walk by, and the chortles that ensue would make you think that this is actually a clever and inventive quip. I was never a huge Dru Hill fan to begin with, but now that their frontman is washed-up and known primarily for a campy, annoying and overplayed ode to women's underwear, the comparison is even less flattering. This guy, too, was notoriously androgynous. I think I'm seeing a pattern here...
3. Wesley Snipes in "Demolition Man"
I've never even watched this movie, but I think I've heard enough to surmise that it was not a highlight of Snipes' career. I have an oversized and salient hoop earring in my left ear, too, so outside of going blonde, I've had comparisons to Snipes in "Major League" as well.
4. Chris Tucker in "The Fifth Element"
I haven't seen this one either, but I think I heard he plays a gay clairvoyant or something. Haven't any straight black guys dyed their hair blond, or am I an unwitting pioneer?
5. Carlton Banks ( from "The Fresh Prince") Dressing Up As Macaulay Caulkin for Halloween
Ok, so I've only gotten this one once. I thought it was pretty clever and original, to be honest, and on top of that indicates a depth of knowledge about Will Smith's videography, and so a credit goes to my main man Jay Russel for dreaming up this one. This episode actually happened, and was actually pretty funny.
Seriously, if you want to make fun of my hair, so be it, but unless you have a cultural reference point that is not on this list, you're derivative and lame and I don't want to hear it.
Otherwise, feel free to add if you like, ya haters.