This is disappointing to me for a variety of reasons. The main being that the wording of this press release makes those that supported the band through this feel as though they did so unmerited.
I can understand wanting to put bygones behind and continue making music - I respect that. I however find it difficult to hear "please now buy our album - and by proxy be supporting Victory Records" after having heard about all the things they did to their bands (and this band).
If the things said were untrue -- then we were lied to by the band and I don't want to support them. If the things said were trued -- then I don't want to support Victory Records.
I feel like I'm caught in a no-win situation ... and that's frustrating for me after the relationship I have cultivated with members of Hawthorne Heights over the past year.
Actually, I think I'm going to go post this in that thread.
1) Madonna is too old to be sexual. I actually can feel my balls climb back inside of me when I see pictures of her gap-toothed smile. Dick Tracy was the best thing she ever did.
2) American Idol is so blatantly staged. I feel sorry for those that watch that show. I feel even more sorry for myself because I have to sit through fucking "american idol updates/watch" posts on almost every feed in my RSS reader in the mornings after the shows. Blah. I guess I go through them so you don't have to.
3) I still don't like Weezer. I still am annoyed at how well "Hash Pipe" did after having heard The Living End's "Table Top Show" years earlier.
4) It's almost warm enough to wear sandals daily. Seriously - I can't wait. I'm not a big fan of shoes and socks. Something carried over from my stint in so-cali - and I'm not so sure it was the education. Sorry mom and dad.
5) May be gone most of the weekend. Beach trip with some friends. I think I need to get away from the computer for a little while (says the man packing his laptop) and not worry about all the new re-design stuff. I think coming back with a clear head will help when I re-look at all we've done so far (and to do).
So, I guess from this moment on I am officially closer to 30 than 20. You know how badly that sucks? Nah, I guess I'm not going to be emo about my birthday. You're only as old as you feel. And I still laugh at penis jokes.
It's interesting growing up, I can remember the past 10 years of my life pretty vividly. And yet, I have a firm belief that the best is in front of me. That life is only about to get better. I think when you get to the age where you look back on your "youth" with nostalgia is the moment you give up on everything you can still be, still have, still look forward to. Too many people try and hold on to the glory days ... I say fuck that ... I say that if you don't believe your future is going to hold better days, you might as well be dead.
Get busy living, or get busy dying.
I want to give a huge thanks to my friends and family for everything they've done for me, I am blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people. Also, thank you Heather; you're the best a guy could ask for - seriously. You've given me the hope I thought I'd lost.
Last, but not least, thank you to my co-workers. I would consider you all friends, but I figured you deserve your own shout-out. You're unbelievable. Each day you help me achieve my dreams. I only hope I can return the favor.
So, here's to 25. Here's to (at least) 25 more. Here's to a life worth living, friends worth loving, and all the memories we're making.
I know this girl, she likes to touch tornadoes. The idea of fucking chaos, I suppose. Look up, you're in time for the show, turn your eyes to the screen. Fix, fix, fixate on everyone else's lives. I'll stay the boy of one lines if you'll stay the girl of last times.
I'm sorry, I have a secret, I know the words I want to say - but this god-damn tongue keeps getting in the way. Just because you have wings doesn't mean you're an angel. And just because you say it doesn't mean you feel it. There is no happily ever after.
I spent the night walking through windows. Debating if my shadow or my skin was more real. I'm starting to see the world in different shades.
Due to the ever increasing, and extremely annoying, construction taking place outside my house - now I am excited to announce that a girl holding a "slow/stop" sign is positioned at a spot across the street where she can (and is) staring into my office's window. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Just close the blinds." Yeah, that'd be too easy. I'd rather bitch and whine. Plus, it's gorgeous outside and I don't want to miss the blue skies.
But ... uh ... I feel violated. And not in the good way.
I'm not known for keeping my mouth shut. Speechless ... hmm ... this is new. This wasn't supposed to happen. Being sensible? I've seem to forgotten what that means.
Want to know a secret? I like it.
I've traveled the wrong path for far too long, made mistakes I wish I could take back. It seems as I've grown older I've lost my faith. Wide eyed innocence is hard to come by when you haven't been that great of a person. They say to love the sinner, hate the sin, I loved the sin, hated myself.
Now I know what it feels like to want to be a better person. If I can be, I suppose that remains to be seen. Cynicism ... fading. Who is this man in the mirror? Blame it on the roses. Even if the end isn't the same as the picture in my head, the journey is worth it. Isn't it? And what's this optimism? Oh, oh, it only has to happen once - she whispers all the words I need to hear. My sentences finished with the words I didn't know I was about to say. I guess there's a little hopeless left in me after all.
My teeth haven't tasted this much air in years. Right ain't wrong if wrong ain't right, right? And the blood in my veins is starting to bubble ... I've got the mouth of a sailor, but the wrong four letter word on my tongue. I can hear the cricket in my head, he's humming, "not again." I'm not going to listen, am I?
And then ... and then there was you. You. These ballads now make sense. Fuck. I swear I didn't just say that. I didn't just ... look at me ... look at what I'm becoming. We always set ourselves up for the greatest falls when the potential seems so tall. This ... oh this is going to hurt. That's why they call it falling ... falling in ...
Well, my best friend (and roommate from college) officially asked his long-time girlfriend to marry him this afternoon. She said yes - and well, yeah, they're engaged.
I couldn't be happier for them .. they truly are a couple that should be together. It really hits me in a weird way as I've made a whole lot of mistakes in my "love" life over the past 5 years. Seeing such a close college friend get to the point in his life where he's ready to take this huge step ... is really humbling to me. I think that's the word I'm looking for. I can't help but wonder if I had made different turns, picked different paths, if my life would be quite different right now. I keep wondering if it could have been me.
I haven't been the best "partner" for anyone to date. I haven't been the best person for most people. I feel like I'm starting to become more content and self-aware of the skin I wear. Maybe I'm starting to realize I'm just a lamb in a sheep's clothing ...
I was just reading over the questions John (from Straylight Run) took the time to answer on their myspace blog. First - it's amazing that he did this. He went out of his way to respond to our users ... that's just so cool. I don't think I could have any more respect for the man right now. I loved his answer about the AP community. Mainly because it's something I've thought about for a while ... the "negativity" perception that some people (and bands) have toward this community. I've always tried to explain it as a small group of vocal individuals - but I think John really hits it on the head as a select group that likes (or feels the need) to tear others down. I think that as a whole or community is not like that -- however, just the fact that a man I admire is spending his time thinking about this website I created in my parents' basement ... well ... that's something I can't really even comprehend.
It bothers me that musicians like this aren't able to make enough money/have a career. I've been thinking about ways I can help rectify that. Maybe some sort of foundation that can utilize a portion of the advertising revenue generated by a community of sites (led by AP obviously) that can then split up the revenue in a way that is distributed to bands for touring/recording/living. Of course this would need to generate millions of dollars ... but I don't think that's unfeasible at all. I haven't been able to put a whole lot of thought into this yet, but it's something on the back of my mind that I'd like to see come to fruition someday. I feel that these communities that thrive on bands and thrive on their interactions should have a way of giving back. I mean if myspace gave bands just a % of the revenue they drove to their profile/website ... I would imagine some of the bands that are popular but aren't selling records would see their entire careers changed.
Hmmmm ... just something on my mind. I'm going to go post news and cross my fingers the new album from The Matches comes in the mail today (I hear I'm the first outside of Epitaph to get a copy - I'm really fucking excited). I think everyone should give Straylight Run a listen today ... they deserve it.
You know the TV shows that have the two characters that are just "meant" to be together? You see them throughout the years go through different trials and pitfalls. You see them almost, will they, won't they ... and all of that? And the entire time you're just sitting there screaming at the TV "oh, come on, just get it together already!"
I'm starting to feel that way about my life.
I'm also starting to feel used, taken advantage of, and completely taken for granted. There is only so much I can put up with without seeing anything in return. I feel I've already shouldered more than anyone else could be expected. I dunno ... things seem a tad convoluted at the moment ... thank God for my friends that are keeping me sane. Thank God for this website and the music that keeps my heart pounding. While on that topic ... to say that 2008 is going to be big for us ... would be a massive understatement. It's my goal to push AP to 20 million pageviews a month by the middle of next year. There, it's down on paper, it's official. That's what I want - that's what I am setting out to do. Now ... now it's time to put things in motion.
If I ever get a tattoo - beside the AP heart - I'd want "Fight Off Your Demons" somewhere. I just can't think of a phrase that is more fitting to my life ... we live lives that are rich and blessed, and we'll burn for how we transgress.
Keep the faith - I'm just getting started.
And you, yeah, you know who you are ... you done with those salted pods?
Regardless of what the masses of cool scene kids say - I still seem to have a place in my heart for Fall Out Boy. I broke out Take This To Your Grave today, there are some really great pop songs on this album. I am going to go through their catalog ... with all the new music I am exposed/have to listen to daily I sometimes forget about my old favorites. That's one of the biggest problems with the digital age of music, I feel I never spend enough time with albums anymore. I may be one of the few who genuinely loves all of their albums ... yes, even Infinity on High ... so I recommend fans putting these albums back into your rotation. And if you're not a fan - put your favorite bands back in your playlists - the memories they conjure are sure to touch some part of your soul.
Well, now I have to go to the store and restock my fridge/pantry. I seem to let things get down to the bare minimum before I go back. I guess that's ok - means I eat everything I buy - but then it means I have to go spend a shit load of money and repurchase everything I want/need to eat. Weird.
"Douse yourself in cheap perfume, it's so fitting, so fitting, of the way you are ..."
Hmmm ... I'm sitting here doing what I shouldn't: Thinking about where I was this time last year. It seems these memories haunt me more than any fictitious holiday spirits promoted by the candy companies ever will. So I sit here with some 7 lbs of sugar filled treats - ready to make the night of any children that stop by my house - and yet ... and yet I can't seem to muster the smile I remember from my youth. I can't seem to return to the days where I knew who I was and only covered my face one day a year. These masks now wear me. I can't tell you who I am, can't tell you who I was, only pretend who I'll be. Want to know a secret? I thought life would be different. If last year someone would have told me how the next 12 months of my life would play out - I would have given everything away to stop it. Everything.