This has been one of the hardest days to make it through. So much drama going on within my personal life. Seriously I'm just getting better from my kidney stone and surgery, just lay the fuck off right now.
Anyway no more ranting. I'm really thankful for a few albums that helped me get through today. You can find them below.
Relient K - Forget and Not Slow Down
The Matches - Decomposer
Cary Brothers - Who You Are
I'm going to attempt to go to bed at this moment. Hopefully when I wake up it'll be a good day. I can be hopeful.
Last night I got a sharp pain in my back around midnight. I mean really sharp almost stabbing like pain. It was so bad that I was throwing up and I just couldn't get comfortable. I got rushed to the ER around 2 in the morning and I've been here ever since. Found out I have a huge kidney stone (7.5 mm). Today they put me to sleep and put a catheter up in my penis. They moved the kidney stone but they haven't gotten rid of it. I gotta make an appointment for this week or next week to get rid of it. I'm just waiting to pee in order to go home right now. I'm not in pain anymore since they moved it. I'm glad I can eat some food again and drink some water again. I'm saying goodbye to soda, tea, and alcohol for a while. Time to take care of myself before anything else goes wrong.
I'm 21 today. I find it refreshing, but I'm sad about it too. I can drink legally, but I don't feel the need to really drink anymore. I drank last night though. At midnight I was at the bar all my friends hangout at. I drank for free and I don't really remember coming home. I also apparently woke my whole house up when I got home. I miscalculated the whole diving into bed thing and landed on the floor. My brother and my mom tried to get me up, but I started puking. I don't even want to see alcohol for the rest of today. I just want to relax.
That being said I've got some things to pick up today. Here's my list:
So I got this tonight. My buddy Nick (my best friend and tattoo artist) called me and told me Jesse (the other guy he works with at the tattoo shop) wanted to tattoo me. The theme for my sleeve is music, so Jesse wanted to do a boombox (aka ghetto blaster). I was down. Kind of spark of the moment, plus it was free. You just can't beat it. Below is the work that was done.
I personally love it. It came out so good. Now I can't sleep because I took a morphine pill just in case it would hurt. It didn't hurt at all (morphine pills work for that). The only downer is I have to be at work at 12 and I'm doing a double and I'm wide awake at 4:52 in the morning. I need to get some sleep!!!
I don't really know what to expect in the upcoming months in my life. I'm looking back on places I've been and things I've done and I'm really regretting a few things. I regret not finishing audio engineering school fully. I really could be doing something interesting with my life. I had one too many metal breakdowns though, and being away from home at that time was not healthy for me. I want to get out on my own and experience more things. Right now all I do is work at a dead end crappy restaurant, hang out with my chick, and record music whenever I seem to have time. I'm really behind on recording too. I wanted to get my album out by May, but that doesn't even look possible. I think I'm just thinking way too much about things. A lot happened in the past that I wish I could take back. I want to apologize fully to a lot of people for things I've done, but I also rather leave it in the past and just move forward with my life. Blah I'm all sorts of confused.
I'm going on a road trip to California this Summer. I have family out there I want to visit, and do some soul searching. I also want to stop in Arizona and look for a place out there. I would just go back to my old apartment that I had out there, but I need something different. I need to shape a new life in a way. I'm not ditching anyone, but I want to ditch some personal traits I've developed over that past year and a half.
This is just a rant. Me thinking way too much when I should be sleeping. Hope everyone else is having a goodnight.
I got a new digital camera today. I actually just went to a pawn shop and bought it. It was cool. I got a better camera for $40. My other camera cost me $200 and it didn't take nearly as good photos. Why was I bummed?
So yeah. Last night I was loading up my car on my way to Orlando. Well I put things on the roof of my car when I'm loading it up. I forgot my digital camera up there. Well I remember hearing some hit the roof of my car and thinking maybe it was something out of the trees. Well come to find out it wasn't. I went back right to the spot I remember hearing it at and there was my camera in the road. When I heard the noise it was at around 8 PM. I found the camera at 5:45 AM this morning. My memory card is fine, so I still have all the pictures, but the camera is FUCKED. Well here's my excuse to get a new one now. I'm still bummed. I went to Orlando and back and went home to sleep. I remembered it this morning when my mom needed it for the Daytona 500.
I wrote you a love note on the park bench
just in case you ever go back there again
and all the lines spell out to "I've said this before;
so here's just another little reminder."
and I'm sorry for not saying anything sooner
but trust me I don't think I quiet understood
all of the words I wish I could stop and say
as I drive through your neighborhood.
Just one last time.
and I never see your car
did you get up and move away?
just like I'm about to do
because I can't stand to be in this place
and I hope that you're happy
because lord knows you deserve to be
I guess I'm just sorry
and I hope he's a better man than me
I wrote you a love note on an old photograph
I submitted it to a publisher, so keep your eyes open for it
if says "I miss you most on cold winter nights
where the golf course was the only place we could hide
and I'd give you my shirt to keep you warm
even if I froze to death I was happy to have you in my arms."
Just one last time.
and I never have the guts
to find out how you've been
it's all been word of mouth
through all of our mutual friends
and I know that you're happy
because you wouldn't allow yourself to be
any less than that like I am
but I know that he's better than me
so please just take the time to listen
to words I still write for you
though we've grown into separate paths
these vines over grown right back to you
and I'm sorry for all of the pain that I've caused
I didn't ever want to see you pick up those drugs
because you were better than that
you were always better than that.
but I'm going to bite my tongue
and sing these words alone
no one needs to hear my sob story
of this terrible mistake I've done...
Today I was given an iBook G4 from my buddy. He said it didn't work and it wouldn't turn on. After messing around with it when I brought it home, it turns out that there was nothing wrong with it. The biggest thing wrong with the computer is it's missing the V key. I'm typing on it right now in fact. I'll be upgrading most of the things inside of the computer (hard drive, RAM, memory) as well as erasing all of his old stuff on here (porn, pictures, music). I'm going to back them up though and give them to him on a data disc or two. I was saving up for a MacBook, but seriously those things are so expensive. Way out of my budget. I'll get one in time, just not any time soon. I know my parents like to go all out on 21st birthdays, so maybe I'll just ask for that. Who know though. Well I'm going to go find something to do. I'm going to try to blog more.
I saw You, Me, and Everyone We Know's new EP leaked, because some kids don't know how to keep links to themselves. The EP does come out for free tomorrow. Why can't people wait. plus I'm pretty sure the band are going to keep track of how many downloads they've had (just like they did with the first EP). I was also bummed that the ice broke about Max Bemis being a guest vocal. I thought that would have been a cool surprise come the day of the release. Oh well, hope people are enjoying it. It hasn't really left my CD player for over a week now.
I need to go find something to do today. Maybe I'll just clean up the house or something.
I recommend everyone checking out a young man by the name of Ben Talmi. His songs are great, and perfect for the season. Check out "Glam Girls". Great fucking song. Keep your eyes out for his debut album Forget, But Not Forgive.
I also recommend the following:
Capital Lights - What An Outrage!
Forgive Durden - Razia's Shadow: A Musical
This Providence - The Bright Lights EP
Ludo - Ludo
Say Anything - ...is a real boy/...was a real boy
I'm also going to recommend the following songs:
Fall Out Boy - What A Catch, Donnie
Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al
Landon Pigg - Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop
I want to also recommend staying healthy by drinking lots and lots of water! This past week I was told I have a kidney infection and kidney stones. I've been in pain for over a week and that's what I found out after going to the doctor. So everyone, ditch the soda. Drink water and cranberry juice!