Leeuh

my lonely wall lol

heyy. darren. is that his name?? the dude with the whole.. washing clothes. gf thing???
*blush*

today was stupid stupid stupid. honestly STUPID!!!
today just wasnt a good day. and i'm thinking about leaving the contry for the holidays.
skip this whole shit. and come back when... idk. its all over. which would probably have to mean i have to come back by the.. 7th?? bleh. school starts.
well. we get off school tomorrow. but he didnt show up today:''[
so i dont think i'll see him tomorrow either.
:*

you know. its cool. i mean.. gah. do you like him like him??
like really like him? ?? cause then we might have a problem here.
ok. not a problem problem .. but you get what i mean. lol.
we can do some voodoo spells!!! ^^.
you know. about your friends all having bf's. i mean. it doesnt matetr really.
dont feel like a loser. lol. i mean. love will cme to you. dont stress it.
you dont have to have a bf coz ur frriends do. but i know what you mean. / how you feel.
well. the guy i like. i'd be in heaven if we were to hang out during the break.
though. we havn't fucken spoken yet.
i just feeze like smoe lunatic when he's around and just stare at him.
but i know. i know. i have to say something. he doesnt seem to be planning on doing anything anytime soon. so i know its up to me. and i'll do it. i know i will. i just hope it happens during the next four days of school cause then we go on christmas break!
heyy.- btw. i listened to your demo!!! you guys r really good. lol. i love when u start talking at the end. hahaha. makes it funny as well. hahaha. it was cute. :* !!!! <3
heyy. what do you play btww??? drums drums drums??
i'm guessing DRUMS!! :P
XOXOXO
<3

look. i dont think you should put yourself through this. really.
cause. you'll just end up hurt in the end. but this guy.
.. i mean if you feel like he's just using you.
you'll end up more hurt than if you would just break it with him now.
cause if you would keep on seeing him you might start to like him.. more. and more. for each time. you know. are you gonna meet him again??

well. me. i'm still having my mad crush on louie.
which is stupid stupid stupid. i know.
but i just cant keep from thinking he might be the kind of guy that.. i would want. you know.
i'm stupid to thik that. but its a crush. and its been going on for just about three months now.
and .. we're actyually going on christmas break in a week. so. if nothing happens. i guess.
i'll be better off spending the whole holiday eating choclate/comfort food.. and getting fatter and fatter by the minute. until i dont like him loll.
ok. i guess. i wouldnt reeally do that. i'm not a big eater when i'm all upset and shit.
but i like.. i think i'll do some voodoo spell to stop liking him.
:| lol.
<3

havn't they split up? ??? i mean. shirley's working on her solo album and all.
i checked out shit for tours and shit too. but didnt find ne thing. so i'm thinking.. they've just stoped that shit. but one might be able to catch shirley on tour.
meoww.
so. what's going on with all the guys and all that shit happening??
it's been a while since we talked. :[
so. whats been going on?? ???
XOXOOX

omg. i cant belive it. i thought everyone had just.. forgotten about them.
!!!
shirley manson is just.. oh god. undescribeable.
well. i've been good. [good].
i'm having a hard time trying to study right now though. :[
what about you? ?? whats been going on?

heyy. you dont like him anymore do you?
i mean he seems.. well. he doesn't seem like the kind of guy one would want.
from what i've heard anyway. doesnt seem too good.
he says he loves his gf. and still he cheats on her.
oh well. you know. guys like that aren't wirth paying attention too.
there are good guys out there. even though i might not belive it while saying it. i really hope and "know" there is. now to the hard part.. finding one. :P
we will. wont we?
you know it. i know it. i want to. and i know i have to!
but i keep thinking. and telling myself. there are so many other girls here. who are prettier than me.. more of everything than me. you know. i just find it hard to belive that those looks are meant for me. and. i mean. like. what happens on the weekends? does he screw around with other girls and then come back and just play this messed up game with me?
maybe he just wants some chick at school to.. mess with.
this is messing up my world. it's screwed up. i know.
and the worst part is. no one around here is encouraging me to talk to him. as soon as someone brings him up. its like. all they say is. move on. like someone else.
for once i would like to hear. 'dont give up'.
cause i know they've noticed the looks. i know it. but maybe they just dont want to admit it. and i dont get why. but hearing them saying that nothing is ever going to happen. really brings me down. and sometimes i belive them. and i think. maybe i will be better off i stop liking him before he stops liking me. cause then i wont have to go through seeing him everyday. like always. but at this point. something has changed. that one thing that made it worth while doesn't happen anymore. he doesnt even look at me.

aahh. well. guys dont mean that much anyways. right.
oh my god! thats so fucked. i mean. guys. i just realized.
that that shizzle is love. i mean. the shit. when you say you like a guy.
ok. i'm not making sense.
i mean. god!
dont you just. want to stop caring about.. love. and guys and .. just all that drama!!
i want to. i want to so badly!
i just want o get over the whole thing for a while. at least. and get into it when something good is really going to happen! but it never does. does it. not to me anyway.
omg!!! make me shut up!! i mean. its me right. i mean. its right infront of me. but i'm too much chicken shit tpo do something about it! omgg. dude. i got it right infront of me!!
he's there. everyday!! it's just up to.. me and him. to do soemthing about it!
give me some fucking courage!!!
shiit, now i'm so mad at myself for being such a wimp!!
if i miss out on this cause of something like that. i shall hate myself. for a loong long time!*
i cant let this go!!
heelp mee!
but. so. you got over him. like really really over it!!
thats waayy good man!! soo much better than dwelling over shit. !!!
but.. the thing. about you guys talking and all.. damn. he must have said something rly rly rly bad. to make you. just stop liking him. did he??

xoxoxoxoxoxo
<3

duuuuude. it's soo not that easy. *cries*
ok. it might be lyk an easy thing. if you just.. you know look at it like that.
but then knowing that .. he means just a liiil bit more than all the other ppl at skool who are ttly easy to just say 'hey' to. it gets all messed up. and i just cant do it.
and when i read what you wrote. "waiting for him to say something might take a lifetime and you dont have a lifetime to waste" no shit. thats soo fucking true man. and it kinda scares the shit out of me.
ok. when i read that i think shit talking to him is no big deal at all. i mean its just a hey. but then i get this. gaahhhh. i start thinking. and dude. srs. he's lyk. u know. and i mean. why would he.. you know. even have noticed me. it all just makes me feel so damn stupid. and thats probably cause this all is stupid.
have you met up with him since last time? wuts going on?
and. how was your birthday? :]

he actually told you he idn't breaking up with her?
.. . and he told you he loves you.
either this guy doesn't know what love is.. or . idk.,he's just way stupid.
i'm sorry. :[
but it's lyk. he tells you he loves you and he's not willing to break up with his girlfriend.
i dont get it.
what did you say when he told you he loves you?'
it all. it.. just doesn't make sense. at all !!
guys just.. really really annoy me. for real. i mean. they.. just dont get it. and they're so bitch-ass.
i cant belive i actually have a "crush" on one of those freaks. lol. maybe he's ok. idk. i have no idea what kind of person he is. damn. i feel so stupid.
but.. its ok. i guess. "everything happens for a reason" right. idk. i kinda belive that shit.
his bday is tomorrow. to be honest. i dont think anything's ever going to happen with me and this guy. i dont even think that we'll ever talk. cause i mean. if we were to talk. things would go.. smooth. lol.
but yeh. i mean. i'm just. scared of taking the first step you know. cause one never knows. he might totally reject the shit out of me. or.. something lyk that. you know.
i wish. he would just take that first step, you know. and just say something. to me.
i mean. i'm quite 'social' or wutever. i'm sure that if he would just come and. you know. just say hey. i could start up a conversation. i just need that 'hey' from him.
why wont he just do that?
<3

Its my birffffday =) happy birthday to meee

come on man. don't you think he likes you more than his gf since he basically goes off "cheating" (if one can call it that).. but rly. he doesn't seem to care for his gf that much since he seems to be spending a lot of time with you. :] and thats a good thing. lol. don't get me wrong.
but you know. since you like him too. i think that you should ask him if this whole thing with you guys is leading anywhere. if you're gonna get together. if he's gonna break up with his girlfriend. cause otherwise. tell the dude to back off. *blush*
nah. but rly. cause if it wont lead to you guys getting together and he still keeps his girlfriend. you're just gonna end up hurt.
Prrr. lol. skool's back.. soon. i can't belive i'm actually... a bit.. exited. oh shit. felt kinda weird.. writing that.. that i'm actually looking forward to skool. ok. but i have a good reason for liking it. right. loll. hahaha. ok. i'll stop rambling about that. :P
heyy. you know what. i've gone mad for this one song. idk if you'll like it. but you should check it out. its called. "No uniform will keep you warm" by Nightmare of you. idk. maybe you've already heard it.

xoxoxoxo

ok. gotta say man. just as i posted my comment. i noticed that a special someone had written something on her own wall. saying she misses victor. ay?
who's victor. and what's going on?
.. if you don't mind me asking. :]
^^

dude. ok. well. basically. one of my friends just completly SCREAMED it out. friday.
the story of the whole shizzleness is basically. we sit there. he's rly close. and one of them goes. something lyk. no shit. you can see him from here. and the other one (hadn't seen him yet) goes. what. who? i wanna knooow. and the first chick. goes. yeh. turn around and look up to the left. (she speaks reeeeally loudly. loll) and the second chick goes. WHAT? THE GUY WITH THE MOHAWK? and im lyk O.O'' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahaha. and he just stared. and i was lyk. 'OMG YOU GUYS ARE KILLING MEEE' and ran out. hahahah. and then came back. and shizzle. but yeh. so that was... umm. cool. i guess. loll.
at least. i think. he knows now. i mean. thats not bad. we have this one week break from skool now. so guess. he might have something to think about ayy? loll.

ahhh. dude. david. sucks ass. have you seen him since? i mean. srsly. the dude is sending mixed signals. lyk. first he says he only sees you as a friend and then he wants to come to one of your gigs. screw him. i mean. so. ok. you said you were thinking bout giving up on love. and i just say. FUCK NOO!! loll. ok. this may sound sooooo cheesy. but really. love/crushes are the things that make shit worth while. i mean. the feeling you get. its the greatest feeling ever. and. i mean. just coz of david you should give up on that feeling. HELL NO!! :] there are a bunch of better guys out there. just. really know the guy before you let yourself reeally fall in love. ay.
does that make sense?
<3
xoxoxoxo