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  -  Breathe Carolina - Hello Fascination (http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?t=1276602)

Drew Beringer 08/20/09 10:12 PM

Breathe Carolina - Hello Fascination
 
Breathe CarolinaHello Fascination
Release Date: August 18, 2009
Record Label: Fearless


I must’ve been asleep when this takeover happened. The entire “genre” of techno/crunk/scream garbage just broke out overnight it seems. There was no warning, just one day “bands” like Brokencyde, I Set My Friends On Fire, and the like where picking up fans left and right. Not to be outdone is Breathe Carolina, who has unleashed their Fearless debut, Hello Fascination, to unfortunate souls.

The only thing that sets the opening title track apart from being a Lady Gaga or Britney Spears song are the mistimed screams and cheesy breakdowns. And then the next 12 songs sound nearly identical and follow the same formula: super poppy electronica beats layered with guitars, background screams, whiny vocals, and the occasional “br00t” breakdown. “I’m The Type of Person To Take It Personal” is just auditory diarrhea, while “Dressed Up To Undress” sounds like Super Mario Bros. on a bad acid trip.

“I.D.G.A.F.” (aka “I don’t give a fuck") comes across as a poor man’s Cobra Starship (which is especially concerning considering what Cobra just released as “music”). Sadly, this song exemplifies what’s wrong with listeners these days. They “D.G.A.F” about what they’re ingesting as long as they can dance to it or make out with some scene girl with skunk hair and a Jac Vanek bracelet; regardless of how empty and repetitive it is.

In fact, I can’t even go on. Hello Fascination is sucking my will to live. Every time I’ve played this album on my MacBook, I’ve feared it would engulf itself in flames as punishment to me for playing such trash on it. Breathe Carolina will sell a lot of copies, so good for them, but that doesn’t make this band any less despicable to self-respecting fans of music. It’s kind of funny how their promo ads display what kind of music this is: vomit. Anyways, I'm going back to bed, someone wake me up when this “genre” is buried in its neon coffin.

Additional InformationTrack Listing:
1. Hello Fascination
2. I’m The Type of Person to Take Things Personal
3. Take Me to Infinity
4. Dressed Up to Undress
5. I.D.G.A.F.
6. Welcome To Savannah
7. I Have To Go Return Some Video Tapes
8. The Dressing Room
9. Tripped and Fell in Portland
10. Can I Take You Home?
11. My Obsession
12. Velvet
13. Rescue

Breathe Carolina is:
Kyle Even
David Schmitt

Official Myspace; Official AP.net Profile


zubinmoosa 08/20/09 10:15 PM

Absolutely fantastic Drew

:appl:

*crying stars* 08/20/09 10:18 PM

Got'em.

IceAge/HeatWave 08/20/09 10:18 PM

fuck. yeah.

Ailite 08/20/09 10:19 PM

Fantastic, very nice job slipping in a shot at Cobra haha

hockeyguitar99 08/20/09 10:19 PM

Very well written, though I feel like writing reviews for bands like Brokencyde and Breathe Carolina are just beating a dead horse at this point.

katiebaima 08/20/09 10:20 PM

while i agree with this review, i think someone should offer one written more neutrally. everyone knows that these "bands" are poor excuses for real musicians, but this review was more just a continuation of the bashing this band already gets. what are the best songs? do the songs differ much? i want someone to give more in-depth reviews of these ("but they have no depth!") despite the poor, poor genre and supposed musicianship. just my two cents.

i laughed, though!

Nick Le 08/20/09 10:22 PM

Really harsh review that I really enjoyed reading.

combatbaby 08/20/09 10:23 PM

Hahaha. Love it.

Drew Beringer 08/20/09 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katiebaima (Post 52165592)
while i agree with this review, i think someone should offer one written more neutrally. everyone knows that these "bands" are poor excuses for real musicians, but this review was more just a continuation of the bashing this band already gets. what are the best songs? do the songs differ much? i want someone to give more in-depth reviews of these ("but they have no depth!") despite the poor, poor genre and supposed musicianship. just my two cents.

i laughed, though!

There are no best songs, they all sound the same. It's basically this:

be boop be baaa beep booo (electronic noises)

RAH RAH RAH SEX SEX FUCK FUCK NEON NEON RAWRA AFAFA (the screaming)

booop ba bee boob pow bam CRUNCH CRUNCH (the breakdown)

all while "whoa ohhhhh whiney vocals woowwwww dressed up to get undressed wowow whoaaaa let's fuck i don't give a fuck (I DON'T GIVE A FUCKADKAJDKKKKKKK *backing scream*)" is sung in the foreground.

threepunchjim 08/20/09 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drew Beringer (Post 52165942)
There are no best songs, they all sound the same. It's basically this:

be boop be baaa beep booo (electronic noises)

RAH RAH RAH SEX SEX FUCK FUCK NEON NEON RAWRA AFAFA (the screaming)

booop ba bee boob pow bam CRUNCH CRUNCH (the breakdown)

all while "whoa ohhhhh whiney vocals woowwwww dressed up to get undressed wowow whoaaaa let's fuck i don't give a fuck (I DON'T GIVE A FUCKADKAJDKKKKKKK *backing scream*)" is sung in the foreground.

integrity and self-respect aside, there's probably a decent living in this line of work - the no talent ass clown scene is ballooning, and they're making money. do you know if they're hiring?

Drew Beringer 08/20/09 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by threepunchjim (Post 52166162)
integrity and self-respect aside, there's probably a decent living in this line of work - the no talent ass clown scene is ballooning, and they're making money. do you know if they're hiring?

haha, like I said, this album is going to sell a lot, I've already seen it sold out at a few retailers around town.

saysmydoctor 08/20/09 10:29 PM

Did Apple pay you to namedrop your Macbook hahahaha? That just seemed so deliberate.

Either way, lol @ band.

imirish06 08/20/09 10:29 PM

hahhahah

Drew Beringer 08/20/09 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saysmydoctor (Post 52166222)
Did Apple pay you to namedrop your Macbook hahahaha? That just seemed so deliberate.

Either way, lol @ band.

I wish they did, I could use a new MBP.